


Her own kind of heaven

by itzloonatic



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Harvard University, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-11-27 01:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 69,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20939927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzloonatic/pseuds/itzloonatic
Summary: Having won a prestigious Harvard scholarship, Chaewon expected her stay in Boston to be a unique learning experience. But she didn't expect that meeting a certain girl would make her question all of her beliefs.---Just as the door opened, a cloud of smoke greeted her nose, making her cough.“Shit, I forgot to open the window,” the girl said in English, running back inside.Chaewon stopped coughing and the girl was back, fully opening the door. She eyed Chaewon from head to toe and irked an eyebrow. “Yes?”She towered over Chaewon, looking down at her. The tips of her dark hair were painted in blue, and the red lipstick matched with her black leather pants and tank top.“I-I’m sorry for bothering but, are you Son Hyejoo?” She asked in Korean.“Yes, the one and only,” she answered in the same language.“Oh, thank God." Chaewon heavy sighed. “I don’t know how this happened, but I have your suitcase. I suspect, and hope, you have mine.”





	1. Suitcase

**Author's Note:**

> It's happening. It's really happening. I'm uploading this story.
> 
> I had the idea for this story on the summer of 2017, while I was visiting Boston. More than two years later, it's finally here.
> 
> Yes, two years ago Gowon and Hyejoo weren't even revealed yet. This story wasn't originally a Loona fic. It was a Pristin fic, and I started writing it in September last year. But due to recent events, and because I was getting demotivated, I decided it was a better choice to change it all to Loona, since the characters matched and I could picture them all so well in this story.
> 
> Oh, and a little disclaimer. They're all adults in the story, and it contains lots of swearing, alcohol and minor drug consumption. It also addresses religious themes, especially in relation to LGBT.
> 
> I hope with all my heart that you enjoy this story, from the angst to all the fluff ♥️

The heavy suitcase slammed the ground, and she looked up at the building. The one she would be living in for the following school year. 

After taking a few deep breaths, she walked in. It took her a few minutes to find her suite, on the second floor. She stood in front of the door and fetched the key from her pocket, but stopped before sliding it in. Someone could already be there, so it should be a better idea to knock first. 

A few steps after, the door flew open. 

“Hi!” The girl who opened the door, with long, light brown hair and bangs just above her eyes, shot her the brightest smile. “Are you our roommate?” 

“Y-Yes.” 

“Great, you’re also Asian! Let me help you with that.” She grabbed her suitcase and brought it inside. “I’m Kim Jiwoo. Sooyoung, our roommate is here!” 

She stepped inside, thanking Jiwoo, and a tall, brunette girl emerged from the corridor at the right side of the room. 

“Omo, hi!” Her cheeks rose with an also beautiful smile. “I’m Ha Sooyoung, nice to meet you,” she said in English full of a Korean accent. 

“Nice to meet you guys too. I’m also Korean!" She didn't bother talking in English after noticing their Korean names. “My name’s-” 

“Son Hyejoo,” Jiwoo said. 

“Huh?” She frowned, finding Jiwoo looking at the tag in her suitcase. “Son Hyejoo?” 

“Yes. It’s your name, right?” 

“No,” she said, almost stealing the tag from her hand. “My name is Park Chaewon.” 

Chaewon took her time to read and re-read the tag. Not her name, not her address, not her email. 

“Oh dear God,” Chaewon mumbled, a hand on her chest. “This suitcase is not mine.” 

Sooyoung and Jiwoo shared a look. “How do you have it then?” 

“It looks the same as mine. I was in a hurry when I picked it up at the airport and I didn’t even bother to make sure it was mine. Oh, Jesus.” 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Sooyoung rested a hand on her shoulder. “If you have this Son Hyejoo’s suitcase, she must have yours. Call her.” 

“I just got here, I still don’t have an American number,” Chaewon said, her heart already beating wild fast. “C-Can you search up this address? I’m going there.” 

Sooyoung grabbed her phone and with a few taps, she turned her phone. 

“It’s actually really close by. It’s your lucky day,” Sooyoung said while Chaewon memorized the way. 

“Thank you, I’ll be right back.” And Chaewon stormed out the room. 

Great. She had arrived in Boston after a long and tiring flight, and of course, she had to mess something up. It was her first time flying, and she did it alone after all. But that wasn’t an excuse. How could she pick up someone else’s suitcase? And how did she only notice when she got to her new dorm at Harvard? And embarrassing herself in front of her roommates. What an awesome first impression. 

With the way and the address in her mind, she rushed down the road. It took her five minutes to find the building and since the front door was open, she stepped inside. 

It was quite a modern building, so Chaewon wondered how old would the owner of that suitcase be. 

She stood in front of the door C, as it said in the tag, and before the nervousness could get a hold on her, she rang the bell. 

Just as the door opened, a cloud of smoke greeted her nose, making her cough. 

“Shit, I forgot to open the window,” the girl said in English, running back inside. 

Chaewon stopped coughing and the girl was back, fully opening the door. She eyed Chaewon from head to toe and irked an eyebrow. “Yes?” 

She towered over Chaewon, looking down at her. The tips of her dark hair were painted in blue, and the red lipstick matched with her black leather pants and tank top. 

“I-I’m sorry for bothering but, are you Son Hyejoo?” She asked in Korean. 

“Yes, the one and only,” she answered in the same language. 

“Oh, thank God." Chaewon heavy sighed. “I don’t know how this happened, but I have your suitcase. I suspect, and hope, you have mine.” 

Hyejoo blinked. “What? But mine’s right here.” She pointed at the suitcase just like hers beside the entrance. 

“It must be mine!” Chaewon blurted, and Hyejoo frowned. 

“Bring it here.” 

Chaewon nodded and did as told, stepping inside. She took a quick look around the almost empty room. In the full white of the apartment, there was a couch in the middle of the room and a coffee table in front of it. An ashtray and a beer laid on the table, and even though the window was now open, the whole room still reeked of cigarettes. 

“Let me see.” Hyejoo squatted, peeking at the tag of the suitcase she had brought. “Oh. Park Chaewon?” 

“Yes, that’s me!” 

“So that’s my bag?” Hyejoo pointed at the one by Chaewon’s side. 

“Yes, here.” She pushed the suitcase and Hyejoo checked the tag. 

“How the fuck did this happen?” She shook her head, almost laughing. “Well, thank you, I guess. You saved my ass before I even realized I was in deep shit.” 

Chaewon tried not to show too much the shock in her face by the amount of swear words in such a short period of time and nodded. “Y-Yeah, it’s fine. I’m glad we both got our suitcases. Thank you.” She gave her a quick bow and turned to leave. 

“See you around, Chaewon.” 

She stopped and turned around. “What?” 

“I’m going to Harvard too so I’ll probably see you on campus.” Hyejoo walked to the window with her still lit up cigarette. 

“Oh. Why aren’t you in the dorms?” 

“Since my father made me come here, getting me a house was the least he could do.” She shrugged, breathing out the smoke from her lungs outside the window. 

Chaewon’s chin dropped. “A-Alright, I’ll get going, then. Sorry for the bother and thank you.” She bowed before leaving, still hearing a faint ‘bye’ as the closed the door. 

She stepped outside the building and took a deep breath, cleaning her polluted lungs with fresh air. What in the heavens. Chaewon couldn’t even come up with a proper opinion about Son Hyejoo. Did it matter, anyway? She seemed weird and scary and sounded petty. Chaewon had to work her hardest to earn this scholarship for the second year of her psychology degree, and the least her father could do was getting her an apartment for herself? Was she spoiled... 

Not to mention she had barely arrived, like Chaewon, but having a cigarette and beer was her priority. Well, whatever, that was not Chaewon's problem. She had solved hers, and could now breathe, pretend this embarrassing start never happened, and go back to her dorm. 

This time, instead of knocking, she decided to use her key to open the door. With a click, the door opened, and she slid inside- 

“Oh my g-god-" Chaewon yelled, and even though her eyes widened, she looked away, making both girls break away from their intense kiss and snap their heads. 

“C-Chaewon, hey, w-we thought you would take longer. Sorry.” Jiwoo cleared her throat. “Do you have your suitcase already?” 

With much effort, Chaewon looked ahead and Jiwoo was no longer in Sooyoung’s lap. They were on their feet, their faces so red there could be steam coming from them. 

Chaewon opened her mouth, trying to come up with any sound at all, but she could only nod and move her legs towards her room. The one she presumed was hers, with the door opened and only one single bed. 

She closed the door and fell on her bed, her face buried in the clean, floral-scented sheets. 

They were... kissing. And Jiwoo was sitting on her lap, and... 

Chaewon shook her head, trying to get rid of the images in her head, but they were too shocking. 

Never in her life she had seen something like that. She felt like she was sinning just by thinking about it. Was it real, after all? There were people like that? That wasn’t normal. It wasn’t right. 

Her stomach twisted. She was going to live with them. What if they tried to do something with her? She rolled on her bed to breathe and sat, bringing her hands together near her chest. She closed her eyes and prayed. 

\--- 

Chaewon sat on the enormous staircase of Harvard’s Library, where she could hide from the blazing sun. Judging by how many students were there, it was a popular place for them to meet, have lunch outside, or take a break. 

Morning classes of the first day were over, and Chaewon was alone. She rested her chin on her palms and sighed. It had been only a couple of days since she arrived, and things were already going south. 

Since the first day, when she walked in on Jiwoo and Sooyoung’s... thing, she had been avoiding them. She couldn’t look them in the eyes when they tried to talk to her. The images would pop up on her mind, and she was sure her body language showed how uncomfortable they made her feel. 

But they were the ones that shouldn’t be doing those things in the dorm. They shouldn’t be doing it at all in the first place. It didn’t feel right. And the more Chaewon thought about it, the weirder it became, to a point it was almost disgust- 

Chaewon coughed when she breathed in smoke. She looked at her side to find Hyejoo sitting a few meters from her, smoking her cigarette and rocking her head back and forth. 

"Couldn’t you smoke somewhere else?” 

Hyejoo didn’t answer nor did she move. Was she ignoring her? Chaewon stood up and crossed her arms right in front of her, catching her attention at last. 

“Oh, Chaewon.” Hyejoo met her eyes, removing her fancy airpods. 

“You can't smoke in here.” 

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow. “As far as I know, this is a public place.” 

“It’s in the rules.” 

“Fuck rules. See someone complaining?” Hyejoo looked around. 

“Yes, me.” 

“What a shame.” 

Chaewon’s chin dropped. Was she for real? She scoffed and turned, walking down the stairs. 

She heard steps, and when she peeking around, Hyejoo walked beside her. She stopped in her tracks, and so did Hyejoo. 

“What are you trying to do?” Chaewon asked, crossing her arms. 

“Walking.” 

“So why did you stop?” 

“Why did you?” 

Chaewon sighed and resumed her walk. 

“Hey, okay,” Hyejoo said, as she took fast steps and stopped in front of Chaewon. “I was thinking and I should make it up to you.” 

“For what?” 

“For going through the trouble of coming to my place to bring me my luggage.” 

“I went there to pick up mine, not to give you yours.” Chaewon rolled her eyes. 

“Fine, but I still got mine, right? So, let’s go get lunch.” 

Chaewon stared up at Hyejoo, swearing her face got redder. 

“No, thank you.” Chaewon walked past her. 

“Hey, that’s rude.” 

“You don’t need to spend your money on me." Chaewon could still hear Hyejoo’s steps following behind. 

“Money’s not a problem-” 

“Of course not.” Chaewon scoffed. “You don’t need to shove it in my face.” 

“Fucking god, I was not-” 

Chaewon halted and turned around, almost making Hyejoo bump against her. 

“And do not insult His name like that.” 

Hyejoo blinked. “Whose name?” 

“God.” 

Her weird triangular-shaped lips twitched but she couldn’t hold her laugh. “Are you serious? Do you believe in that load of...?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

Hyejoo shook her head, still laughing. What was even there to laugh about? 

“What did God ever do to you?” Hyejoo stopped laughing and her face became serious, scaring Chaewon as she looked down at her. “Did he open the door for you? Did he lend you his shoulder for you to cry on during difficult moments? Did he try to cheer you up when you were sad?” 

“You clearly don’t understand and I won’t waste my time trying to explain.” Chaewon turned to leave for good. 

“Yes, I really don’t, and I don’t want to, anyway,” Hyejoo said, but there were no more steps behind her, only her voice becoming lower as Chaewon walked away. 

Did she really make fun of her for believing in God? Of course, Chaewon shouldn’t even be surprised that came from someone who smoked and drank and bragged about how much money she had. 

What a lost cause. 

\--- 

The first day was over at last, and much to her relief, she was alone at her dorm. She plopped on her bed, trying to let her muscles relax, but her head started working again. She had so much on her mind she felt like she would explode if she didn’t let it out. 

There was only one person she could do that with. 

“Vivi-unniiieeeeee,” Chaewon whined as soon as she accepted her call. 

“Yah, you’re lucky I’m on lunchtime. You need to be careful what time you call me, we’re thirteen hours apart.” 

Chaewon rolled on her bed. “I know. I really need to talk, there’s too much going on.” 

“What happened?” 

“Remember Son Hyejoo, from the first day?” She asked and Vivi answered with a hum. “Today she made fun of me because I believe in God. And she also called me rude.” 

Vivi chuckled. “Why did she call you rude?” 

“She said she wanted to get me lunch to pay back the trouble of returning her luggage, and I said no.” 

“Well, that was rude. Why did you say no?” 

“She’s spoiled! And she smokes, drinks, and swears a lot. She’s weird and scary.” 

“She wanted to make it up for you and offered you lunch, you refused, and she’s the weird one? It’s not because she smokes or says bad words that she’s a bad person. You need to stop rushing into judgments or you’ll end up with no friends at all. You’re all alone in a foreign country, you need people.” 

“Hey, that’s harsh...” Chaewon sulked. 

“It’s true. And maybe she was a bit rude too for making fun of you, but you don’t know her history and her reasons. Just like you don’t want to be judged for having your beliefs, you can’t judge her for having her own. Doesn’t God guide you not to judge others and accept them as your brothers and sisters or something? You’re not practicing what you preach.” 

Chaewon stayed silent, and instead of answering it, she changed the subject. “There’s also another thing I need to talk about. It’s been on my mind since it happened and I can’t let it go.” 

Vivi sighed. “What is it?” 

“You also remember my roommates, Jiwoo and Sooyoung? There’s something about them I didn’t tell you about because I was too shocked. I... I think they’re a... a c-couple.” 

There was silence over the line. “Vivi?” 

“Why is that shocking for you?” 

“W-Why?! I caught them k-kissing, unnie! That doesn’t happen in Korea, I didn’t know that was an actual thing! I can’t even look or talk to them properly.” 

There was silence again. “In what world are you living in, Chaewon? It’s not because people don’t do it on the streets for everyone to see that it doesn’t happen here, of course it does! Just like there are girls liking boys, there are girls liking girls and boys liking boys.” 

Chaewon stared at the ceiling. “But that’s not God’s will, a woman is supposed to be with a ma-” 

“With whoever they want to be. You’re being judgmental again. You don’t like your roommates because they’re gay, you don’t like Hyejoo because she doesn’t believe in God and smokes... You’re rejecting people who could become your friends for petty reasons that don’t affect you in any way. I reiterate, you’re going to end up alone if you keep acting like that.” 

“Yah, unnie...” 

“I’m serious,” she said, and indeed, Chaewon rarely got to hear that tone from her. “You need to apologize to Hyejoo, Sooyoung, and Jiwoo and make an effort to get to know them.” 

It was Chaewon’s turn to stay silent. “Thank you, Vivi unnie. I’ll think about it.” 

“You better. You’re already far from home, don’t make things harder for yourself.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams*
> 
> IT'S HERE, I'M SO EXCITED, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE FIRST CHAPTER ♥️
> 
> I'll update a new chapter every three days. Please let me know what you think so far ^-^


	2. Hyejoo too?

Vivi was right. Chaewon had been too harsh. She didn’t know Hyejoo. She might have had a bad first impression, but maybe she wasn't that bad and she could even be saved. 

After a deep reflection and a night of sleep, Chaewon decided she would deal with Hyejoo first. 

And there she was, sitting in the library stairway. This time, there wasn’t a cigarette between her fingers. Chaewon took the opportunity to approach, taking in deep breaths. She sat next to her and could feel Hyejoo’s eyes on her, but she could only stare ahead. 

“Did you miss me?” Hyejoo asked, removing the airpods from her ears. 

“Yah,” Chaewon blurted and finally met her eyes, finding a smile. It was the first time Hyejoo smiled, wasn’t it? She didn’t seem so scary. Rather cute, even. “I-It’s not like that. I just... wanted to apologize. I was rude to you.” 

“I’ll only accept it if you let me pay you lunch like I wanted to.” 

“Okay, fair.” 

“But since you hurt my feelings, let’s not only have lunch.” 

“What?” 

“Saturday, let’s hang out. I haven’t explored much of the city yet and I bet you haven’t either.” 

Chaewon stared at her. “Okay.” 

“Woohoo!” Hyejoo threw her fists into the air, making Chaewon laugh. 

“Are you that happy because I said yes?” 

Hyejoo’s expression died down and her smile disappeared. “Okay, I won’t be happy about it.” Hyejoo stood up. 

“N-No, wait,” Chaewon said, walking down the stairs after her. “I was joking!” 

“Me too.” She shot her another smile, brighter this time, making her whine. “Now let’s go eat something, I’m starving. And I need a cold beer.” 

\--- 

Now for the hard part. Chaewon was still having a hard time dealing with all that girls liking girls thing, but she would make the effort. Even though she still thought it was wrong, she had no right to think they would be bad people because of it. 

She sat on the couch, waiting for Sooyoung and Jiwoo to arrive. They always went home before going down to get dinner, so she knew they would be there soon. 

Her feet drummed the floor, her hands tapped her legs as the minutes passed. 

As soon as she heard the click of the door, she jumped from the couch and with all her might, she looked them in the eyes. 

“Hey, Chaewon,” they greeted. Even though she always tried to avoid them, they never stopped being polite to her. 

“H-Hey.” Chaewon's voice failed her, but she cleared her throat and went on. “Can I talk with you guys for a second?” 

“Of course, did something happen?” Sooyoung asked, taking a small step closer. 

Chaewon gulped. She sat down because her knees trembled too hard, and they followed, sitting beside her. 

“First of all, I’m sorry.” Chaewon started, staring down at her lap. “I’m sure you noticed how I’ve been avoiding the both of you.” 

“We kinda did. Was it something we did?” Jiwoo asked. 

“N-No! It’s just that...” Why did it feel so difficult to say it? 

“Is this because of what happened the first day?” Sooyoung asked. “We’re sorry, Chaewon, we never meant to make you feel unwelcome-” 

“No, you don’t need to apologize. It’s just that I d-didn’t know, I had never seen, y-you know...” 

“Two girls together?” 

Chaewon felt her face burning. “Yes. It was very shocking for me and I didn’t know what to think or how to act around you. I still don’t understand, but I’m trying.” 

“What don’t you understand? We can help you. And we don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around us. We’re roommates after all. And we want to be your friends.” Sooyoung gave her a kind smile. 

“How does a girl like… a girl? How do you know you do?” 

“How do you know you like boys?” Jiwoo asked. 

Chaewon opened her mouth just to close it again. 

“You just know. We’ve been together for four years already,” Jiwoo said, and Sooyoung nodded with a smile. “And it didn’t take us long to realize we loved each other.” 

Chaewon awed. “I come from a very traditional and religious family, and I’m very religious myself, so all my life I was told that a woman is supposed to be with a man. I’ve heard and seen a thing or two on the internet but, I guessed it was very, very rare, to a point it barely even existed.” 

“We know that’s still a huge problem in our society.” Sooyoung sighed. “There are people who hate us and think we’re disgusting just because we like the same gender. There are even people who are killed for being gay.” 

“K-Killed?” Chaewon frowned, then dropped her head. “I don’t hate you guys. I may not agree but I would never try to hurt you and I respect your choice.” 

“It’s not a choice, Chaewon,” Jiwoo said. “We didn’t choose to like girls. But I guess you could say that we chose to accept that part of ourselves and live according to what we feel, with the person we love.” Sooyoung nodded in agreement. “But we’re happy you’re making an effort to understand even with your background. We realize it’s not easy for you either.” 

Chaewon couldn’t help but smile seeing that the girls were not offended by her and made as much of an effort to understand her side. 

“Also, Chaewon, we’re still sorry for being so careless and no matter what, we never want to make you feel like a third wheel or that we don’t want you here.” Sooyoung rested her hand on her shoulder. “We’re happy that we could talk this out and we’re here for anything you need, right Jiwoo?” Jiwoo nodded with a smile. “If you feel uncomfortable or if you don’t understand something, ask us.” 

“Now let’s go get dinner, yes?” They stood up, and so did Chaewon. 

For the first time since she got there, she wouldn’t have dinner alone. 

\--- 

Chaewon stood in front of the building. With so much happening, the first week of classes went by in the blink of an eye. 

The click of the front door made Chaewon turn and her eyes bulged even for only a split second. Hyejoo noticed and smirked. 

“Like what you see?” 

“Why are you dressed like that? Aren’t we just going for lunch and a walk?” 

“Yes, and? I always dress like this.” 

No, Hyejoo didn’t always wear a crop top, high waist shorts, and knee-length fishnets. Chaewon looked down at herself, at her jeans, yellow shirt and old sneakers. 

“You’re good, don’t worry. You’re pretty so it doesn’t matter what you wear. Let’s go? The restaurant we’re going to is pretty close.” 

Chaewon nodded and followed her, trying her hardest to ignore the remark. 

She spent the next five minutes listening to Hyejoo complementing the restaurant, using her absurd amount of swear words to emphasize her sentiment, “It’s so fucking good!” 

It was a ramen bar, right next to one of Harvard entrances. Chaewon couldn’t hide the joy in her face when they stepped inside and her nose greeted the delicious aroma of noodles and broth. 

“Glad I made a good choice,” Hyejoo said. 

“I don’t know the last time I had a good bowl of ramen. Thank you, Hyejoo.” 

“We didn’t even order yet and you’re already thanking me?” Hyejoo chuckled. “Let’s enjoy the food first.” 

After taking their time to decide what to eat and place their order, silence settled in. Chaewon took a sip of water and as she lowered her glass, her eyes found Hyejoo’s. 

“S-So,” Hyejoo said, clearing her throat. “Why come to Harvard?” 

“I was in my first year and there was this opportunity to earn a scholarship for a full year at Harvard.” 

“Holy shit, you won a scholarship? I heard it’s fucking impossible to get a Harvard scholarship, especially if you’re from abroad.” 

“Well it’s not impossible, as you see, but it’s not a walk in the park. I was the only one in my University to get it and there were many applicants.” 

“Are you the next Einstein or something?” Hyejoo asked, her chin almost reaching the table. “What are you studying?” 

Chaewon chuckled. “Psychology.” 

“Oh, then here’s the one to discover the big secrets of the human mind. I heard you only get to use 10% of your brain on a daily basis, is that shit true?” 

“No, I don’t think so,” Chaewon said as she stopped trying to hold her laugh. “And I just want to be a therapist, really.” 

Hyejoo stared at her. “Wow. That’s cool. You’re gonna be a great therapist then.” 

“I-I’ll work hard. What about you?” 

She sighed. “I never wanted to be here.” 

“Why are you here then?” Chaewon frowned. 

“My fucking father.” Hyejoo rolled her eyes, twirling a chopstick on her fingers. 

How could someone talk like that about their parents? Chaewon didn’t know how to react, and while she tried to say anything at all, their food arrived. She looked down at her huge bowl of noodles and almost forgot about the conversation. 

“Just because he’s a famous lawyer his only daughter must be one too. And because he also studied at Harvard and it’s an oh-so prestigious school. Bullshit.” 

“You don’t want to become a lawyer then?” 

“Of course not, it fucking sucks. Who the hell even lives with themselves when they make their living convincing the judge to let murderers, rapists, arsonists or whatever off the hook? And I don’t have any choice but to graduate in law.” 

Chaewon observed as Hyejoo rolled a mouthful of noodles on her chopsticks and blew a few times before diving on it, sighing in satisfaction. “So fucking delicious.” 

Did that mean Hyejoo was just now starting college? So Hyejoo was younger than her?! She could almost swear she looked like a senior. 

And wasn’t it unfair? 

While Hyejoo’s father could afford to have her there for the whole duration of the degree, Chaewon had to work her impossible hardest to earn a yearly scholarship. 

But while Chaewon was pursuing her dream, Hyejoo wasn’t. She wasn’t even allowed to have a dream of her own. 

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Hyejoo asked, bringing Chaewon back from her thoughts. 

“Y-Yes, I was just thanking God for the food on our table.” 

The delicious taste of her food was what she needed to wash away the bitterness in her mouth. 

“I hope you find joy in what you’re doing,” Chaewon said. 

Hyejoo chuckled. “I won’t, but thank you anyway.” 

Even though Chaewon barely knew Hyejoo, she could almost see the sadness behind her smile. 

“Man, these dumplings are the best, try one.” 

Before Chaewon could reach it, Hyejoo held one in front of her. Her body moved forward but froze before biting it. 

There was this voice ringing in the back of her mind. But she wouldn’t let it scare her, so she accepted it, raising her eyebrows in surprise as she munched on the crispy dumpling. 

She used to feed and share food with Vivi all the time back at home, it wasn’t going to be any different now. 

Right? 

\--- 

“Beautiful, right?” Hyejoo asked, eyes fixed ahead. 

Boston’s skyline might be one of the most beautiful things Chaewon had ever seen. The large river dividing the two sides of the city reflected the sunlight, making it hard to look at the other side without squinting. Even so, Chaewon didn’t want to look anywhere else. 

“Can people swim here?” 

“I don’t think they can. Why, do you want to?” 

“I don’t know how to.” 

Hyejoo turned her head towards her with widened eyes. “How come?” 

“I never went to the beach.” 

“What about swimming pools?” 

“Does my bathtub count?” 

Hyejoo let out a loud, high pitched laugh and looked back at the river. “That’s a shame.” 

Either Hyejoo wasn’t very emphatic or she was bad at comforting people. 

“That must be so cool,” Hyejoo said, and Chaewon followed her eyes. 

Tiny sailboats decorated the landscape, each maneuvered by a single person, turning the sail from one side to the other to steer the boat. 

“What does it feel like to ride a boat?” Chaewon asked. She didn’t need to ask if Hyejoo had done it before to know she did. 

“It’s… relaxing, I guess.” 

“You guess?” 

“I don’t know how to describe it. Just feeling the waves and the wind in your face, you know. You need to do it to know what it’s like exactly.” 

“Well, I wish I could.” 

“I’m sure you will someday.” 

\--- 

Chaewon slowed her pace as they reached Hyejoo's apartment. 

"I'll take you to your dorm," Hyejoo said, looking back. 

"Oh, you don't need to. It's five minutes from here, it's okay. You already did a lot for me today." 

"So, it’s pretty close. I’ll go." 

"That's a very unfair way to get your way." Chaewon crossed her arms. 

"Life's unfair. Now, which way is it?" Hyejoo moved aside. 

"Okay fine, it’s straight ahead," Chaewon said, resuming her walk with Hyejoo beside her. "But only if you accept that I get you something, like-" 

"A beer! A cold beer would be the best thing to wrap up this day." 

Chaewon rolled her eyes. "Fine, let's get you a beer." 

Hyejoo jumped like a kid who just got candy from her mother and Chaewon couldn't hold a giggle. 

After getting said beer, _"When you say getting a beer, it's not a single one, it's a 6-beer pack."_, Chaewon plopped on the couch, while Hyejoo took a look around. 

"Wow, their suites are nice. Do you have a room for yourself?" 

"Yes, and my roommates share the other." 

"Cool." Hyejoo sat next to Chaewon. She took a large sip of her beer and sighed like an old man. "Now I know where you live, if I feel bored I can just come here and bother you." 

Chaewon shot her laser beams with her eyes. "No, you can’t! Don’t you have better things to occupy your time with?" 

"Playing video games, but it doesn’t sound as fun." Hyejoo winked at her. 

The click of the door opening made Chaewon jolt. Sooyoung and Jiwoo stepped inside, her eyes jumping between them. 

"H-Hi! Oh, this is Son Hyejoo, remember-" 

"The one from the luggage thing?" Jiwoo approached with Sooyoung beside her. "You became friends, I see." 

"Yep." Hyejoo stood up. "A funny could-have-been-a-bad-story with a happy ending." 

"I'm Kim Jiwoo, nice to meet you." 

"You got Korean roommates, you're lucky, Chaewon," Hyejoo said. 

"And the nicest and most beautiful she could get. I’m Ha Sooyoung, by the way.” 

"She loves to brag," Jiwoo whispered behind her hand. 

"With good reason, she’s fucking right." Hyejoo eyed Sooyoung from head to toe. 

Chaewon winced at Hyejoo using swear words upon meeting them, but they didn’t seem to mind, as they giggled with Hyejoo’s reaction. 

“Yes, I know my girlfriend is the most beautiful in this world.” Jiwoo nodded with the proudest smile, grabbing Sooyoung’s hand. 

"Wow, wait, she's your girlfriend?" Hyejoo asked, amusement all over her face. 

Sooyoung laughed. "Yes, I’m sorry, you’re very pretty yourself, but you’ll have to try your chances with someone el-" 

"GAY HUG!" Hyejoo opened her arms. 

Sooyoung and Jiwoo shared a look before jumping into Hyejoo's hug. 

"You guys down for a beer?" Hyejoo asked. "A beer for the gays!" 

"We have beer?!" Jiwoo gasped. 

“Yeah, Chaewon insisted on thanking me for our first date with beer! See, I have no interest in Sooyoung, I was just complimenting her looks. I’ve got my sights set on Chaewon already,” Hyejoo said, winking at the couple, then looked at Chaewon to scan her reaction. 

“What?! N-No, what are you talking about, that’s a lie!” Chaewon yelled, flailing her arms in the air, color draining from her face. “Hey, Son Hyejoo!” 

The three couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Don’t worry Chaewon, we know she’s joking,” Jiwoo said. “I say the gay council agrees that you have the privilege of sharing the ritual of beer for the gays with us even though you’re not a member!” 

The other girls nodded in approval. 

"I-I don't drink. Wait, what do you mean you guys are a council--" 

"Just try it. If you don't like it, I'll drink it, don't worry." Hyejoo shoved the beer into her hands, and sat, followed by the couple. 

Chaewon looked down at the cold can between her hands. Her mind was still stuck in a few minutes earlier. 

Hyejoo was gay too? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Gowon, surprise! 
> 
> Thank you for the support already, even though I normally don't answer all your comments, I read them all and they mean a lot to me, and I was really happy to know you guys enjoyed how the story started ♥️
> 
> The fluff starts on the next chapter keke ^-^


	3. Gorgeous

Too much for her mind. Chaewon tried to study, she thought about it. She was in class, she thought about it. 

But why was it so important if Hyejoo was gay or not? It didn’t matter. She couldn’t judge her for it. She promised herself she wouldn’t do it. 

But then, why did she find herself trying to avoid Hyejoo? Not that she ignored her. Chaewon still talked to her if they happened to find each other on campus, but she tried to make it all very casual and fast. She hadn’t been able to shake off her date joke either. 

Chaewon couldn’t stay behind in her studies and so she took the opportunity to try to focus on that. 

But as the week went by, something was missing. She didn’t want to admit it, but she missed spending time with Hyejoo. She was fun to hang out with, despite the fact she smoked so much she constantly smelled like an ashtray and couldn’t say more than a couple of words without swearing... And she was gay. 

No, that didn’t matter. It wasn’t because she was gay that she would like Chaewon, just like she was straight and didn't like every boy she talked to. But that would be difficult in the first place since she didn’t talk to any boys. 

So, when she found Hyejoo sitting alone on a bench after classes that Friday, she gathered all her guts, put her thoughts away and walked towards her. 

“Hi, Hyejoo!” She tried to sound normal, but she was never that enthusiastic. 

“Hey.” Hyejoo removed her airpods, but didn’t bother looking at her, and kept her eyes down. 

“Did something happen?” 

“No.” 

“Are… you sure? You’re normally more hyped than this.” 

“I woke up like this today. Don’t worry, it will pass.” 

This behavior was something new to Chaewon. She was used to a brighter Hyejoo, who smiled at her whenever she saw her. 

Hyejoo reached for her bag to take out a cigarette. 

“Smoking again?” 

“Yes.” She took a long drag, exhaling the smoke to the other side. 

Chaewon sighed and Hyejoo met her eyes for the first time since she got there. 

“Why’s that face?” Hyejoo irked an eyebrow. 

“Why do you smoke?” 

“It feels good. It helps me relax. Wanna try?” 

Chaewon scowled. “No.” 

“Good. I wouldn’t give it to you anyway.” 

“Why?” 

“’Cuz it’s bad for your health.” 

“Then why do you do it?” 

“I don’t know, maybe it will end my life faster.” Hyejoo shrugged. 

She would never expect that answer. Coming from Hyejoo, she expected some silly answer like _to make me look cool_, but… 

“Do you really mean that?” 

Hyejoo kept silent, and Chaewon feared what could be going on inside her head. 

“Maybe.” 

Without thinking, Chaewon grabbed her left hand (Hyejoo always held her cigarette with her right hand). 

“Hyejoo, I have no idea what’s going on in your life, I don’t know what you went through, but do not do anything you would regret doing!” She talked fast. Hyejoo stared at her with raised eyebrows as she continued. “And please know that you’re not alone. If you need to talk you can talk to me or even Sooyoung or Jiwoo, I’m sure they would love to be there for you, and I’m sure you also have tons of friends in your class as well, so count on us okay? Even though I don’t quite know what I can do right now to help you but-” 

“Chaewon, it’s okay,” Hyejoo interrupted, stopping her from running out of air. “I’m fine, really. I don’t wanna kill myself if that was what you were thinking. And… I’m feeling better now because you’re here. Thank you.” 

What was breathing? 

“And don’t you wanna become a therapist? You need to get better at that.” Hyejoo nudged her arm. 

“Y-Yah, I’m still learning. And sorry, I kind of panicked when you said that. But I still meant everything.” 

Hyejoo smiled, at last. “I know. I also meant that you make me feel better.” 

Chaewon gulped. “I-I’m glad I can help.” 

Then she finally realized she was still holding on Hyejoo’s hand, and that Hyejoo had wrapped her fingers around her palm. 

“That helped too,” Hyejoo said, making Chaewon snap her head back. 

Yes, Chaewon was freaking out inside. And yes, she still let Hyejoo squeeze her hand. 

\--- 

The lamp on her desk illuminated her books. Those Chaewon should be reading and taking notes from, instead of staring at her hand like an idiot. 

She shook her head. When she was getting her focus back, the doorbell rang. Chaewon peeked at her phone and it wasn’t even midnight. Sooyoung and Jiwoo had said they would probably arrive late. 

She stood up and walked to the door. 

She should have seen it coming. 

“Jungeun!” Hyejoo leaned against the door frame. 

Chaewon frowned. “Who’s Jungeun?” 

Hyejoo took a step closer and narrowed her eyes at her. “Oh fuck, wait, you ain’t Jungeun, you’re Chaewon, aren’t you? Fuck this shit, I think I lost my contacts.” 

“Contacts? Do you have bad eyesight?” 

“Oh, yes, I can’t see shit.” Her breathing stunk of alcohol and only when Hyejoo chuckled and the dim light from the inside illuminated her face, Chaewon noticed the cut on her lip and the bruise near her eye. 

“Oh my God, Hyejoo what happened?” Chaewon held on her arms as she took another step closer and almost tripped on herself. 

“A motherfucker touched my ass, so I broke his nose.” 

“You broke his nose?!” 

“I hope I did.” 

Chaewon faced up and closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath as she asked for help from above. 

“Okay, let’s take care of those wounds, yes?” Chaewon closed the door and held her tight. 

“No one is allowed to touch my ass!” Hyejoo said as Chaewon dragged her to the bathroom. “Only you, Gowon. You can.” 

_Gowon? _

“Sit down,” Chaewon said, closing down the toilet seat cover. 

She fetched the first-aid kit from the cabinet and turned to her, kneeling so she was on her eye level. Hyejoo stared at her with half-open eyes, and Chaewon couldn't put a finger on whatever was going on inside that head. 

“Stay quiet, I’m going to clean up your cut okay?” 

Hyejoo nodded like a little girl. “Did I ever tell you you’re gorgeous?” 

Chaewon kept her eyes on the wound, focusing on her task and doing her best at ignoring. 

“I asked you a question,” Hyejoo said. 

Her eyes twitched, avoiding Hyejoo’s, which seemed to be burning holes on her face. 

“No.” 

“Then, you’re gorgeous.” 

Her hand applied a bit more force on her lip, making Hyejoo hiss. 

“It hurts.” 

“I-I’m sorry.” 

“You’re so gorgeous it actually hurts.” 

“Hyejoo, you’re very drunk.” 

“Gowon, I’m very drunk.” 

Chaewon sighed, trying to keep her mind in place. “Okay, your lip should be fine, careful not to bite it too much, okay? Now let me go get some ice for your eye.” 

She was about to stand up when a hand yanked her down. 

"I hate you," Hyejoo said. "And I'm so furious at you for making me feel this way, 'cause look at your face, you're gorgeous." 

"Do you have a habit of speaking in Taylor Swift lyrics when you’re drunk? I know that song, Hyejoo." 

"Taylor Swift who? I wrote this song. For you. About you. What are you talking about?" 

Chaewon shook her head. "Why did you do this to yourself?" 

"You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk..." Hyejoo dragged her words as her eyelids became droopier. 

"I give up." Chaewon tried to stand up, wondering if she actually made fun of her or not, but once again, despite being drunk, Hyejoo was strong and kept her in place. 

"You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong." She now sang, her voice low and husky, as she let her body fall towards Chaewon, her forehead hitting her shoulder. "You've ruined my life, by not being mine." 

Chaewon barely heard her anymore, with how loud her heart throbbed in her ears. She couldn't move her body. She couldn’t keep up with her mind. It felt empty, but full of Hyejoo’s soothing voice. 

"H-Hyejoo," she called, but the only answer she received was her deep breathing. 

What was she going to do? She couldn't go home in this condition. She would have to stay there for the night. 

"Can you stand?" Chaewon asked. 

“Of course I can!” Hyejoo held on to the sides of the toilet to propel herself up, to no avail. 

“Okay, that was a dumb question,” Chaewon mumbled to herself. 

Chaewon grabbed her arms and put them on her shoulders, wrapping her own arms around Hyejoo's waist, and tried to stand up. 

"Can you at least be a bit more helpful?" Chaewon mumbled. She was short and weak, how was she going to drag her? Clumsily, Hyejoo grabbed Chaewon’s arm with one hand and the side of the toilet with another, and with that she was able to stand up. "That helps, thank you." 

She dragged her back to the living room and looked at the couch. No, Chaewon would sleep on the couch and lay Hyejoo on her bed. 

Chaewon took off Hyejoo’s shoes and pulled up the blanket. She was probably asleep already, judging by her steady and slow breathing. She turned to leave her to rest, but her body froze. What if she needed something in the middle of the night, or woke up feeling sick? 

Her mind told her no. But her body still moved towards the bed, laying under the blanket next to Hyejoo. 

So much happened since the doorbell rang that Chaewon felt like she had been in autopilot, and only now her mind was processing everything that happened. 

And Chaewon didn't understand it, any of it. Hyejoo's words and actions. Her own actions. Or the way her body trembled so hard when Hyejoo snuggled closer, and an arm rested around her torso. 

If felt like a bomb dropped into Chaewon's life, shaking everything up so bad she was losing her tracks. She used to have everything under control, at all times, even when she was having a hard time. Why did it feel so different now? 

She was scared. So scared that she couldn't help but cry, but she still held Hyejoo's hand, as she closed her eyes and prayed to the Lord for guidance. And like that, she would silently cry herself to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the fluff met your expectations!!!
> 
> I actually love this chapter a lot, probably one of my favorite from this entire story. Oh, right, Hyejoo mentioned Jungeun. Look forward to meeting her and other characters pretty soon! ^-^


	4. Senses

When Chaewon woke up the next morning and found herself alone in her bed, she bolted awake. She rushed outside her room, taking a quick breath when she found Hyejoo by the window. But when she noticed the cigarette between her fingers, she wasn't relieved anymore. 

"You can't smoke in here, it’s against the rules and you can get us all kicked out." Chaewon grabbed her wrist so she could reach for the cigarette. "Are you out of your mind?!" 

But as Hyejoo shrieked and looked at her, letting go of the cigarette that fell to the floor, Chaewon realized she shouldn't have done that. 

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you-" Hyejoo pulled her arm away so hard Chaewon almost lost her balance. 

Hyejoo's breathing became loud and unstable as she held on her own wrist, eyes twitching and unable to focus. She leaned against the wall and shut her eyes close, letting her body slide to the floor and curl into a ball. Her body trembled and Chaewon could hear her muffled sobs. 

She couldn't freeze now. She had studied how to handle panic attacks last week. She ran to extinguish the cigarette in the sink and came back in a second. As slow as she could, she squatted next to Hyejoo and rested a hand on her shoulder, making her flinch. 

"Hyejoo, listen to me. You need to come back to your senses, and you need to do as I say. First, listen to my voice. Can you?" 

She nodded. 

"Good, now look at me." Chaewon hesitated but touched her cheek to help her. Hyejoo's eyes focused on hers and she gave her a small smile. "You're in my dorm, look around." Hyejoo did as told, and looked back at her. Chaewon took a close look at her bruise and cut, that still looked bad, but not as bad. "Now-" And her body froze yet again. 

_Come on, it's not time for that! _

Chaewon grabbed on Hyejoo's shoulders and pulled her close. "Smell my hair and touch my pajama." 

Not only that, Hyejoo threw her arms around her neck and squeezed her body hard. Chaewon felt Hyejoo's hands touch the fabric of her shirt and her hair, as she inhaled close to her neck. 

Her breathing had started to stabilize at its own pace, as the trembling in her body slowed down. 

"Feeling better?" Chaewon asked, not noticing her own arms had snaked around Hyejoo's body, hugging her close. 

"Yes," Hyejoo managed to mutter. 

"Wait, let me get you something to eat or drink." 

Chaewon let Hyejoo take her time to pull away. Giving her a smile, she moved to the fridge and came back, sitting on the floor beside her. 

"Do you like chocolate milk?" 

"My favorite." Hyejoo smiled, taking a sip. 

They let silence take over as Hyejoo drank her milk and Chaewon observed her, recapping what just happened. 

"I'm sorry. I went crazy when I saw you smoking. But you can't smoke in here, Hyejoo." 

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. It's the first thing I do in the morning and I really needed it. I didn't even consider that students can't smoke in the dorms." 

Chaewon nodded. _She shouldn't even smoke in the first place. _

"A-Are those frequent?" 

"The panic attack shit?" Hyejoo asked nonchalantly. "It happens sometimes, but I startle too easy with touch." 

"God, I'm so sorry Hyejoo." 

"You couldn't know. It's okay, I'm fine now. Thank you for helping me. That's already an improvement from yesterday, Dr. Park Chaewon." Hyejoo chuckled, earning a glare. 

"Is there a reason you get startled easily?" 

"Are you my therapist now?" She laughed again. "You appeared out of nowhere, and you kind of held my wrist too tightly, yeah." 

"I don’t want to butt in, but is this somehow related to something someone did to you before? I remember you mentioned your relationship with your father was difficult." 

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow. "Wow Miss Therapist, I'm impressed. Yes, he used to do that when he got mad." 

"D-Did he hit you?" And when Hyejoo dropped her head, Chaewon felt like hitting herself. "Gosh I-I'm so sorry, I'm asking too mu-" 

"He did," Hyejoo said, still facing down. "He always did. He's that kind of man who thinks he's the owner of the world and can say or do whatever he wants to everyone. He hit me or my mom for no fucking reason whenever he was mad, even if it had nothing to do with us. Like when he lost a case or whatever." 

Chaewon bit her lip. She knew it was not the correct thing to do, but she couldn't help but push a bit more. She wanted to get to know her. "Do you like your mother?" 

"Oh, I love my mom. She always understood me, never judged me for my career choices or for me being gay... Unlike my father. She always cared about me and my happiness. But when she filed for divorce a few years ago, being a filthy rich motherfucker of a lawyer, he gained my custody. I could barely see my mom after that because he put a restraining order on her. I miss her so damn bad." 

"So you can’t even go live with your mom if you want to, now that you’re an adult." 

"Basically, yeah. My life has been a living hell since then." 

"That's why you started smoking and drinking?" 

Hyejoo nodded. "Are you sure you want to be a therapist and not a detective?" She chuckled. "Yes. I played tennis before, and not to brag, I was fucking good, the best of my school in fact. But without my mom, and having to deal with his bullshit every day, playing tennis stopped being enough to get my mind out of it. I even had a punching bag in my room to let out my rage instead of on his face. Not that I would mind, I always wanted to punch his face so bad, but I would only get hit back and he’s much stronger." 

"Then, it's kind of good that you're here, right? You don't have to deal with your father anymore, and you can always call and video chat with your mother and he won't even know." 

"If you see it like that, yes. Actually, another reason he sent me away was to separate me from my mom even more. Even with everything going on, I still managed to see her in secret sometimes, and even though he was suspicious, he could never get evidence. But I don't want this, Chaewon. I'm wasting my life doing something I don't want to. What am I doing here?" 

Chaewon wanted to answer, but she didn't know what to say. She wasn't a therapist yet, but she wanted to help Hyejoo. It was unfair for her to be going through everything when she did nothing to deserve it. She wanted to help her, at least in making her life a bit more enjoyable. 

"At least I got to know you." Hyejoo met her eyes. “I’m glad we were both buttheads to the point of grabbing each other's luggage.” 

Chaewon smiled, but the memories from last night hit her like a truck. Her body became stiff next to hers, questions swarming her mind. Questions she couldn't keep unanswered. 

"H-Hyejoo, do you remember anything about last night?" She asked, avoiding her eyes as soon as Hyejoo looked back at her. 

"Most of it, yes. I wasn't that drunk, I've been worse. I remember the punch quite well. That shit hurt. But I punched him hard too. Man, I would kill to know if I really broke his nose. That would have been hella badass." 

Chaewon widened her eyes for a second. She didn't want to see her _worse_, ever. 

"Yeah, you said that last night. Then, you remember about... when you, y-you know, when I was cleaning up your wounds and..." 

"Yes, I remember. Taylor Swift and all.” Hyejoo cleared her throat and chuckled. “I mean, me. I wrote you a song.” 

She remembered. Chaewon nodded and while she attempted to answer, Hyejoo spoke again. 

"And I meant everything I said. Even though I was drunk and was basically talking with lyrics." She grinned at herself. 

Not only she remembered it, she was serious. 

It was not some drunk nonsense. 

But did she mean something else other than her looks? Did Hyejoo... 

"D-Do you really l-like--" 

"Morning." Sooyoung’s voice made both girls snap their heads. "Hyejoo? What are you doing here? And what are you guys doing sitting on the floor? I think I'm still dreaming." She scratched her eyes and walked to the bathroom. 

Chaewon felt her face burning so much she could be having a fever. 

"Well," Hyejoo spoke, and Chaewon was back at the conversation she didn't even know if she wanted to continue. "I do find you gorgeous and insanely attractive and-" 

"Oh, Hyejoo!" Jiwoo’s turn to step in the living room. Chaewon closed her eyes and took a deep breath, clenching her fists. Why did they keep being interrupted?! "Here so early? And why does it smell like cigarettes in here?" She scrunched her nose. 

"Oh, about that, I'm sorry, I didn't know people couldn't smoke in here. I hope you guys don't get in trouble, but if something happens, tell me. And in fact we just woke up, I was drunk yesterday and ended up here." Hyejoo waved her hand as she spoke. 

Jiwoo irked an eyebrow and approached them, squinting. "What happened to your face?" 

"Punched a dude for groping my butt. Pretty sick, huh? But I’m cool now, Gowon here took care of me." 

Chaewon widened her eyes and faced down, avoiding both stares. Hyejoo even remembered the nickname... What did it even mean? 

"Gowon? Cute nickname for a cute girl. She’s so sweet, isn’t she?” Jiwoo patted her head. 

“Jiwoo, I just dreamed that Hyejoo was here sitting on the floor with Chaewon- oh, they’re here,” Sooyoung babbled as she walked in the living room, still looking like she was about to fall asleep at any second. “Wow, your face, what happened?” 

“She punched a dude for groping her butt!” Jiwoo quoted, maybe a bit too excited. “She’s so cool.” 

Sooyoung dropped her chin and awed. “You’re so cool, Hyejoo. Next time punch him two more times for each of us.” 

Hyejoo laughed and promised she would, while Chaewon looked at them in disbelief. “Why are you guys hoping for it to happen again? She got hurt!” 

“You take everything too seriously, Gowon.” Hyejoo caressed the back of her head. “Don’t worry, I’ll punch him for you too.” 

“No, you will not!” 

“Since we’re all together, why don’t we go for breakfast?” Jiwoo asked. 

“It’s 11:30, it’s almost time for lunch.” Sooyoung checked the time on her phone. “Why don’t we go for brunch instead?” 

“Okay it’s set, get ready and let’s go, I know a great place nearby. And it’s on me, as a way to thank you for letting me crash here for the night.” 

“Woohoo, thanks Hyejoo!” Jiwoo said as she ran to the bathroom. 

“Wait, you slept here?” Sooyoung asked. 

“Yep, and you bet Gowon is a damn comfy pillow.” Hyejoo gave her a thumbs up. “Your bed is very comfy, I need to get drunk more often so you take care of me and tuck me to bed with you.” 

Sooyoung snorted and Chaewon widened her eyes, feeling the blush spreading across her face. 

“H-Hey, don’t you dare! And I was actually going to sleep on the couch, but you could need something during the night, t-that’s why I slept, you know, in _my_ bed!” 

Hyejoo wiped a fake tear. “What did I do to deserve you, Gowon, you’re so kind.” She faked a sob, leaning in to hug her for a second. 

Now it wasn’t only her face that burned, but also the back of her neck and ears. Sooyoung squinted at Hyejoo, nodding with a smirk and Hyejoo waved her hand with a small smile as Sooyoung walked back to her room. 

Chaewon had no idea what was going on. She couldn’t understand when Hyejoo was joking or not, and it was driving her mad. 

But they were alone again. There it was, her opportunity to finish their conversation- 

“Since my house is so close, I’m gonna go there and take a shower, I must stink.” Hyejoo smelled her own clothes, scrunching her nose and chuckling. “Yep, I do. When you guys are ready just show up.” 

Before Chaewon could answer, lips kissed her cheek, making her freeze. “Thanks, Gowon, for real. And now you’re stuck with this cute nickname, sorry Gowon.” Hyejoo nudged her, and at last, she turned her head to meet her eyes. Hyejoo smiled at her, a real smile, and stood up, walking towards the door and leaving. 

“A-And by the way, you ALWAYS stink,” Chaewon yelled after Hyejoo closed the door behind her, making sure she still heard it. 

After a few seconds, Chaewon finally came to her senses, and when she did, she buried her face in her hands. 

_What in the world was happening? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and except LOOOOTS of fluff for the next chapter ^-^


	5. Juju

Her phone vibrated on the nightstand, making Chaewon jump in her bed. Did she forget to turn off the alarm? It was Saturday and she wanted to sleep. She had stayed awake until almost 4 am to finish her assignment. Sure, she had the weekend to work on it but she got so carried away she ended up finishing it in one sitting. 

With her eyes half opened, she peeked at the screen and groaned. She stopped herself from ignoring the call and sighing, she picked up. 

"GOWON!" Hyejoo shouted from the other side, and Chaewon hissed almost in pain. "Were you sleeping?" 

"Yes, I was." 

"So sorry, but get up! She's finally here, you need to meet her!" Chaewon knew she wasn't really sorry. 

"What are you talking about, Hyejoo? Who's she?" 

"Juju! C'mon, get that lazy ass out of bed and come down, I'm here in front of your dorm." 

Chaewon was so baffled she couldn't give her an answer before she hung up. _Lazy ass?!_ Tsk, look who was talking. And was she outside? What did Chaewon do to deserve a loud Hyejoo first thing in the morning? 

And who in the world was Juju? 

Chaewon put on the first piece of clothing her hands could grasp while she tried to keep her eyes opened, and walked outside. 

Hyejoo stood in front of the building, a smile already on her lips before seeing her, but no one was with her. The smile grew into a big grin when Chaewon opened the door. 

"So...?" Chaewon looked around, waiting for Hyejoo to explain. 

"Gowon, I hope you're excited to meet Juju." 

"Who's Juju?" 

Hyejoo giggled and turned around, quite literally hugging a black car. 

"This is Juju! My Alfa Romeo Giulietta that I ordered is finally mine! Isn't she beautiful?" 

Chaewon blinked, her jaw dropping. She didn't know if she should be more shocked that Hyejoo had such a nice car, or with the fact that her car had a name. But what escaped her lips was, "D-Did you just give your car a name?" 

"But of course?!" 

How could Chaewon judge her when she looked so... adorable? 

"Since when do you drive? And how in the world did you get a car, Son Hyejoo?" 

"Since I was legally able to drive, and let's say I managed to convince my father to buy it. I can be very persuasive." Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows with a mischievous smile. 

"Maybe you would be a good lawyer, then." 

"If I wanted to, believe me that I would. I never told you, but I was top of my class. Maybe it doesn't look like it, but I'm fucking smart." 

"You're right, it doesn’t.” Chaewon held her laugh after seeing the excitement in Hyejoo's face dying down. But Hyejoo, top of her class? She was full of surprises. 

"Wow, way to hurt my feelings. But I'm too happy and nothing will bring me down today, because I finally have my Juju! And guess what?" 

Chaewon waited for Hyejoo to continue. "What?" 

"You get the privilege of being Juju’s first passenger! I know exactly where we’re going. Oh, and don’t eat lunch." 

“I haven’t even eaten breakfast, Hyejoo. You yelled in my ear to wake me up.” 

"And aren’t you glad I did wake you up so you could take a look at this beauty? I'm gonna go for a ride to get used to her and that shit and I'll be here at noon. You'll be choosing the restaurant today. I eat anything." 

"How can I do that when you haven’t told me where we’re going?" 

“Ah...” Hyejoo rubbed her chin. “You’re right. Well, we’ll go with the flow then.” 

“I’ll only go if you don’t go calling it a date again.” 

"But you would like it to be a date, right?" Hyejoo shrugged, but the smirk was there. 

"N-No!" She shook her head. "And for your information, I'll only go because I finished my assignment yesterday, or else you wouldn't be so lucky." 

"Then I guess luck granted me the privilege of being with you today, Miss Chaewon." Hyejoo opened the driver's door and got inside. "See ya later." And she turned on the engine, driving away, though not without winking at her first. 

Chaewon shook her head but didn't mind showing the smallest of the smiles. She turned away and walked back to her room. She still had an hour to sleep before she had to go get ready. 

Since the night of the weird conversation they never finished, Chaewon decided it was best to leave it like that. Hyejoo never showed interest in finishing it either. After a conversation with Vivi, they realized Hyejoo was talking about her looks, and there was nothing wrong with that, right? She was told she was pretty before, both by boys and girls. 

Hyejoo was a good friend and she wouldn't let a silly thing ruin their friendship. And she wouldn't try to read second intentions in everything Hyejoo did, either. She knew her enough to know she was a big goof and half the things she did were actually jokes. 

Chaewon was outside her dorm not one minute past noon. Of course, Sooyoung teased her the second she told her she would be going somewhere with Hyejoo. 

The sound of an engine was clearer and clearer by the second, and Hyejoo pulled over right in front of her, stepping outside her car. Sunglasses sat on her nose, and the black leather jacket Chaewon remembered from the first time they met made her look like a motorbiker. 

"What?" Hyejoo asked, frowning at Chaewon’s giggle. 

"Nothing." 

"Is it the glasses? Do I look funny with them?" 

Instead of her threatening tone, she sounded worried, rushing to take them off her face. 

"No, you look good with them!" 

Hyejoo smirked and muttered a 'yes' as she balled a fist, and put back the glasses. "Thank you, Gowon, you look good as well, and as always. The sweater suits you really well." Hyejoo moved to the other side of her car and opened the passenger's door. "Miss." 

With a chuckle, Chaewon walked over. "Remember, not a date." 

"Not a date." Hyejoo closed the door after Chaewon sat inside, and then run to her seat. "Fucking awesome right? Comfortable and spacious." 

"Indeed, it's pretty cool." Chaewon nodded, looking around. 

"Look at the ceiling." Hyejoo pointed up, and with a click, it slowly slid. 

"Wow." Chaewon observed in awe as the blue sky replaced the top of the car. 

"Yeah, I know, my Juju is amazing. We can see the sky and the moon and the stars and, you know." 

Chaewon nodded, still looking up, observing the clouds moving in the sky. 

"Now, where are we going?" Hyejoo asked. 

"Huh?" 

"I told you, you would choose the restaurant today," She said in a disappointed tone. "You forgot, didn't you?" 

"Come on! I told you I couldn’t choose the restaurant if you didn’t tell me where we were going." 

“No, we’re going there after lunch. Now, you choose where we have lunch, and then we’ll go. It’s a surprise, that kind of trick won’t work on me.” 

Chaewon frowned. “Okay, then let’s go to that ramen place from before. It was good and affordable.” 

Hyejoo pouted. "Nooo, let's try something new. And don't worry about that, I'll pay, and don't even try to refuse, I won't let you. What about Mexican?" 

"I never ate Mexican food." 

"Great! Let's go then, let me just find a good restaurant nearby. You can choose the music," she said, typing on her phone. 

"Really?!" Chaewon almost jumped on her set, making Hyejoo look at her with amusement. 

"Should I be scared?" 

"No, of course not, my taste in music is impeccable." 

Hyejoo chuckled and resumed her mission in finding a good restaurant. Chaewon connected her phone to her car and scrolled through her music library. Then, she found the perfect song and tapped on it with her chest filled with pride. 

"Oh My Girl's _Windy Day_?" Hyejoo asked, biting back a laugh. 

"Yes, why? It matches with the day. Are you making fun of it?" Chaewon felt almost offended. 

"No, they’re cool. But I wouldn't think you're into kpop. I thought you’d be more of a classical music kinda gal or like that indie alternative rock shit." 

"I've been a kpop fan even before they debuted, but they’re my favorite group. They always gave me hope and strength when I was going through hard times," she said, her eyes shining. 

"Let me guess, Yooa is your bias." 

"How did you know? Oh, you've seen my phone background?" 

"You have Yooa as your phone background?" 

Chaewon frowned, unlocked her phone and turned it to her. "Yes." 

Hyejoo exploded in laughter. "Now I can only imagine your room back in Korea filled with their posters." 

"Not only them, I had a lot of posters." 

That only helped Hyejoo to laugh more. "Who knew Park Chaewon was such a fangirl. It's okay, I won't tell anybody. Now let's go, I'm starving." 

Hyejoo started the engine and Chaewon couldn't help but smile as she heard Hyejoo singing along. 

\--- 

Confusion was all over Chaewon's face as she scanned the menu of the Mexican restaurant. Assuming Hyejoo knew about it quite well, she let her choose for her. 

The taste of the food was very surprising. The hard shell shrimp tacos and the nachos with guacamole left Chaewon in awe. 

"I had never tried anything like this." Chaewon ate nacho after nacho, now trying the cheese and the salsa sauces. 

"Glad you like it," Hyejoo said, making Chaewon look away from her food for a second. 

Instead of eating, Hyejoo had her chin resting on her palm, and dreamy eyes stared at her. 

"W-Why aren't you eating?" 

"Too busy looking at you." Hyejoo smirked, and seeing Chaewon almost dropping her nacho, she burst out laughing. "Joking. I'm taking a break so I can order more." 

Chaewon breathed and shook her head, but once again, Hyejoo was just joking. 

After their lunch, which took a long time because Hyejoo couldn’t stop ordering more food, and Chaewon thanking her a thousand times, they hit the road again. 

"Where are we going now?" Chaewon asked, looking outside the window. 

"Not telling." 

"Whyyy?" She whined. 

Hyejoo met her eyes for a second but focused on the road again, the corner of her lip raised. "Surprise." 

She gave up and stared outside the window again. Her playlist played in the background, and Chaewon could still hear Hyejoo singing. She made fun of her, but in fact, she knew all the songs she played so far. 

And there was something about Hyejoo's voice that made her feel... calm? At peace. She didn't know how to describe what she felt, but it was exactly like the first time. Perhaps it was her deep voice tone. 

"We're here," A soft voice spoke, and a hand touched her shoulder, making Chaewon open her eyes. "Is my driving that smooth that you went and fell asleep?" 

"I didn't get much sleep tonight because a certain brat woke me---" Chaewon looked ahead. For a second she thought her eyes were tricking her, but her ears weren't. She let her jaw drop and turned her head to face Hyejoo. 

"Pretty cool, right?" Hyejoo smiled, then got off her car, opening Chaewon's door a couple seconds later. 

Chaewon stood up, never even blinking at the sight in front of her. 

"I-It's..." 

"You said you had never been to the beach, so I thought I should bring you." 

The wind was strong, making Chaewon's hair fly all around her face, and the smell of seaweed filled her nostrils. 

"Is this what sea wind smells like?" 

"Yep." 

It was beautiful. How the sand extended until it met with the sea, and the waves crashed against it, so loud she could hear it from there. 

"I knew it would be colder here, so I brought you a jacket," Hyejoo said, holding a long black coat. 

"Hyejoo..." She was so overwhelmed she didn't know what else to say. 

Hyejoo smiled and locked her car. "Now let's go, the last to arrive is... a nerdy fangirl!" She took off in a run. 

"H-Hey!" Chaewon ran after her, but as she was about to step into the sand, she stopped and didn't care if she was a nerdy fangirl or not. 

"Gowon?" Hyejoo asked, looking back at her. 

"Can I take off my shoes?" 

Hyejoo chuckled and walked back towards her. "Of course. Actually, I'm gonna do that as well." 

Chaewon took hers off and stared down at where the sidewalk ended, and the sand was a step away. 

"Are you afraid that the sand is gonna eat your feet?" Hyejoo teased. 

"N-No! It's just..." 

"Come on, you scaredy-cat." 

Chaewon was about to protest when she saw Hyejoo's hand extended towards her. But she still had her pride at risk, so she finally jumped into the sand. For some reason, Chaewon laughed as she moved her feet, feeling the sand grains between her toes. 

"Are you five or what?" Hyejoo laughed along. 

"It's warm," Chaewon said, taking small steps. "And difficult to walk." 

Chaewon tripped over herself, grabbing Hyejoo’s still extended hand in the process. 

"Yes, and yes. When it's really hot the sand burns as fuck, but now it's just perfect." 

They walked towards the sea, and Chaewon only noticed that she had been holding Hyejoo's hand when she felt the lack of warmth on her own, as Hyejoo squatted to roll up her jeans. 

"Is the water cold?" Chaewon asked, looking ahead at the waves. 

"I don't know, I never tried American waters. Let's see?" 

Chaewon gulped but still nodded. She followed Hyejoo towards the water, feeling the sand becoming harder and colder as they approached. 

"Fucking God, it's cold!" Hyejoo cursed, but regretted the second she felt water splashing on her face. 

"I told you not to use His name in vain, Son Hyejoo!" Chaewon kept throwing water at her, splashing herself in the process. 

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Hyejoo yelped as her clothes got wet. "Are you sure you are a person of God? 'Cuz it seems you have a demon inside of you or somethi---ouch!" Her hands moved to her head, as she tried to protect herself from Chaewon's smacks. "Not only you splash me with this ice-cold water, now you hit me, Park Chaewon?!" 

"I may be smaller, but don’t forget I’m older than you." 

"Wow, best reasoning ever, especially coming from such a smart person as you. Are you sure you won a scholarship-" 

Chaewon kicked more water at her. 

Hyejoo glared, and instead of fighting back, she ran towards her, circled her arms around Chaewon’s waist and pulled her up, carrying her on her shoulder like a potato sack. “You can be older, but you’re still small!” 

“Yah, Hyejoo, put me down!” Chaewon shrieked, seeing everything upside down. 

“What will you do in return?” 

Chaewon thrashed her limbs, punching Hyejoo’s back. Hyejoo burst out laughing, her high-pitched crackles so contagious Chaewon laughed along until she finally put her down. 

“Alright, you can punch me one more time for this.” Hyejoo offered her arm. 

Chaewon glared at her “I don’t want to punch you, I want you to not do that again.” 

“Alright, I won’t. But you have to admit it was fun.” 

“For you!” 

“Yes, I had a lot of fun.” Hyejoo rested her hands on her waist, proud of herself. “But I won’t do it again.” 

"Good. Now, what are we still doing in this water? I don't want to get sick." 

"You're right, but if I got sick, would you take care of me?" 

She wanted to stop, turn around and smack her head again, but she told herself to keep walking. 

"Fine," Hyejoo mumbled. "I'm sure I'm gonna get sick because you're being even colder than this water. Then it's gonna be your fault." 

"Don't you dare becoming sick, Hyejoo. I have important tests and assignments coming up." 

"Hah!" Hyejoo jumped in front of her, pointing at her face. "That means you would take care of me!" 

"Of course, Hyejoo." Chaewon rolled her eyes. "As the sweet and caring person I am, I would take care of you, like I did when you got too drunk to function." 

"Works for me." Hyejoo shrugged and resumed her walk, followed by Chaewon. 

The sound of the waves and the wind was everything that they heard for a few moments, as they walked alongside the sea. 

"Can I hold your hand?" Chaewon blurted but kept it cool, even to herself. 

Hyejoo looked at her with a raised brow. "Not a date, uh?" 

"Fine, don't do it then." She sulked, looking away and crossing her arms. “Friends can hold hands, in case you forgot about that.” 

She heard Hyejoo's giggle but fought the urge to peek at her. 

"Gowon." But she couldn't not look when Hyejoo called her like that. "Why the sudden request?" She asked, taking Chaewon’s hand after all. Chaewon did not get an urge to fight it and let go. 

"Why are you complaining, you don't like it?" 

"Who said I'm complaining? Stop being such a tsundere, you're even worse than me." 

"I-I'm not a tsundere!" Chaewon frowned. 

"You know what tsundere means, not only you're a kpop fangirl, you're also a weeb!" 

Chaewon groaned in frustration and as if Hyejoo knew she would try to retreat her hand, she intertwined their fingers, sending a chill down Chaewon's neck. 

"I'll stop teasing if you answer my question." 

"Do I need to have a reason? I just want to. It feels..." 

"It feels...?" 

It felt comfortable, it made Chaewon feel safe and somehow loved and cared for. 

"Warm." She eyed Hyejoo from the corner of her eyes to study her reaction. She didn't bother to hide a smile. 

Chaewon felt proud of herself for keeping things between them casual and friendly. She’d lived in Korea all her life, why had she suddenly forgotten it was natural to be affectionate with her friends? Now that she’d decided not to judge her, she realized she’d built something valuable with Son Hyejoo. 

“Why did you start calling me Gowon?” 

“You don’t like it?” 

Chaewon stayed silent, searching for her own opinion. Deep down, she already knew it. “I do. It’s cute.” 

“Great, then I’ll keep calling you Gowon.” 

“But what does it mean?” 

Chaewon looked at her when there was no answer, to find Hyejoo visibly holding back a grin. “Nothing special. It’s just a cute name.” 

“Then why are you smiling so much?” 

“My jacket is too big for you. You look cute.” 

Chaewon flared her nostrils and looked away, but no, she was not trying to hide her red face. 

\--- 

They were driving back to Harvard and as Chaewon found herself staring at Hyejoo she remembered she had forgotten about something. She cleared her throat before speaking, as Hyejoo was so focused on her driving she’d failed to notice her stare. 

"Thank you, Hyejoo." 

"Hm?" Hyejoo took a glance at her. "What for?" 

"For taking me to the beach." 

"I thought it would be cool to bring you with me, so don't get full of yourself." 

Chaewon gulped. "R-Right." 

Hyejoo stole another glance and laughed. "Hey, don't sulk, I was joking. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even think about coming to the beach. Did you have fun?" 

"Yes, tons. Is there anything I can do to thank you?" 

"Hm..." Hyejoo bit on her lip, and her phone rang. She accepted the call and set it on speaker. 

"Yo, Hye!" a female voice said. 

"Kim Lip! What's up?" 

"I'll let that slip. You busy? Come have a drink, I'm with Jinsol." 

"Oh, sure! Mind if I bring someone?" Hyejoo smirked, and Chaewon frowned. 

"Is it the gorgeous girl with the cute-smirking-smile that you're always talking about?" that Kim Lip girl asked. 

Chaewon widened her eyes. She wasn't talking about her... was she? _And what did cute-smirking-smile mean?_

Hyejoo clicked her tongue. "Assuming I'm even with a girl like that." 

"Why on earth would you be with a dude, Hye?" 

Hyejoo laughed. "Fucking right, Kim Lip. Yes, it's her, and she can hear you." 

_Good Lord. _

"O-Oh, crap! Hi, gorgeous girl with the cute-smirking-smile, I'm Jungeun, I hope we can get along well!" 

Jungeun? The same one Hyejoo called for when she opened the door that night? 

Hyejoo mouthed a 'call her Kim Lip’, and giggled. "She won't like you." 

"Of course she will, everyone does. I’m irresistible." 

"And full of yourself," Hyejoo said, making her laugh. "Alright, I'm driving now so I'll meet you guys there soon." 

"Cool, I can't wait to meet you gorgeous girl wi-" And Hyejoo hung up before she could finish her sentence. 

"A-Am I supposed to go with you?" Chaewon asked, completely ignoring the fact that Hyejoo's friend knew who she was and that, from what she said, Hyejoo was always talking about her. 

"You asked me what you could do to thank me, so, yes. Just stay with me for longer." 

She could deal with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE Y'ALL LIKED THIS HUGE DOSE OF FLUFF 
> 
> EXCITED TO MEET JUNGEUN AND JINSOL IN THE NEXT CHAPTER? and another new character that's gonna show up as well kekekekekeke


	6. Capital sin

"So, Hyejoo, tell me. Where did you find such a pretty girl?" Jungeun asked, taking a sip of her beer after. 

Chaewon felt her cheeks warming up. Were they always like that to everyone? 

She still had no idea how she’d allowed Hyejoo to drag her to the campus bar they seemed to call ‘_The Wolf__’_. Now, she was surrounded by her, that friend of hers whose name was Jungeun but had all sorts of nicknames, like Kim Lip and Lippie, and Jinsol, a girl with impossibly long and healthy platinum blonde hair. 

It was like being around three Hyejoos. Loud, swore every two words, had the same kind of lame humor, and laughed so loud and high pitched Chaewon’s ears screamed in return. 

Well, at least they were nice and funny, and made an effort to include her in their conversation. 

"Funny story, we picked each other's luggage at the airport the day we arrived. I only noticed I got the wrong one when she appeared at my house like, ‘yeah you have my suitcase’." 

Jungeun and Jinsol burst out laughing, leaning back on her chairs and holding on their bellies. 

"How in the world did you guys manage to do that? That could be a plot of a comedy movie or something!” Jinsol said, clapping like a seal. 

"Right?! How could you not notice that you got the wrong luggage, Hye?" 

"Well, she didn't either!" Hyejoo pointed at Chaewon. 

"But she's pretty, so we can forgive her for being an airhead. You have no redeeming qualities." 

"Go eat shit, Kim Lip. I’m pretty too, and that’s not something you can say of yourself." 

"Son Hyejoo thinks she’s not only pretty, but prettier than me? Fucking hilarious," Jungeun said, taking a sip of her beer. 

Hyejoo scoffed. "Hey, Gowon, who's prettier, me or miss Lippie?" 

"Your daily quota for calling me Kim Lip is over for today, Lippie is off-limits. You call me that one more time and you're fucked." 

Jinsol held her laugh, eyes locked on Chaewon, waiting for her answer. 

"M-Me?" Chaewon pointed to herself because she was not about to give that satisfaction to neither of them. 

"Can't argue with that.” Jungeun shrugged. 

"Gowon takes the point, but we still have to break the tie between us. Jinsol, who's prettier?" 

"Chaewon," she said, earning a glare from them. 

"You're fucked, Hye." Jungeun laughed in her face. 

Hyejoo rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, while Jinsol approached Jungeun and whispered something in her ear. Chaewon had no idea and probably didn’t want to know what she told her, but it left Jungeun grinning and red in the cheeks. 

"Hey, Choerry!" Hyejoo called. 

A tall girl with long, purple hair turned on her heels as she rushed towards the counter. 

"One more pitcher?" Choerry asked, walking towards their table now. 

_What's a pitcher? _

"That too, but who's prettier?" Hyejoo asked, pointing between herself and Jungeun. 

"You, of course, babe." Choerry caressed her hair while managing to balance a tray of empty glasses with the other hand. "No offense Jungeun, you're pretty yourself, but Hyejoo is Hyejoo." She gave her an apologetic smile and winked at Hyejoo, getting back to work. 

"Take that, Lipshit!" Hyejoo shouted, punching her shoulder. 

"You went and asked Choerry? She slept with you, how is she supposed to be an unbiased opinion? You know she’s trying to get into your pants agai--" 

"Hey, watch that dirty mouth of yours, will 'ya?" Hyejoo glared at her. "That was one night, I told you already." 

_W-what? _

Jungeun bit on her lip and muttered a quick apology. "Why do we keep calling her Choerry? That’s not her name, is it? What is her real name, even?" She laughed. 

"Hyerim? Something like that? Who the hell knows.” Hyejoo laughed along. 

"Choi Yerim. She likes Choerry better, she says it’s unique like herself." Jinsol explained. 

While they talked about Choerry’s real name and whatnot, Chaewon was stuck on what Hyejoo had said a minute ago. She was already taken aback when Choerry called Hyejoo _babe_, but... They... Had they... 

"What do you mean?" Chaewon asked, not caring that she interrupted whatever they were talking about. 

"Hm?" Hyejoo frowned. 

"D-Did you... C-Choerry?" 

The three girls frowned and shared a look between themselves. 

"You're asking me if I did Choerry?" Hyejoo asked, and even though Jungeun tried so hard to hold her laugh, she couldn't, and that earned her another punch. "T-That happened one time, you know, when two people are attracted to each other and, well things happen." 

"That's... That's so wrong." Chaewon shook her head, still not believing her ears. 

"What, having sex?" 

"D-Doing it like-like that!" 

A set of expressions flashed on Hyejoo's face, as she tried to say something. Jungeun and Jinsol had sulked on their chairs, avoiding getting themselves in that conversation. 

"What's so wrong with it, Gowon?" Hyejoo ended up asking. 

Chaewon was bewildered. She stood up from her chair, her chin almost reaching the ground. "I can't believe this, Hyejoo! What's wrong with you?" 

"No, what's wrong with you! What the fuck did I do?!" 

Instead of giving her a proper answer, because Chaewon herself had no idea what to say, she scoffed and walked away. 

Hyejoo blinked and looked at her friends. "What the hell just happened?" 

"I don't know, but boy, that escalated quickly. I mean... That really got out of hand fast." Jungeun hid behind her beer mug, chuckling at her genius use of that quote, as she exchanged a look with Jinsol, who also held her laugh. 

\--- 

Chaewon wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball, sitting on the couch with her knees on her chest and face hidden in her arms. And she was. That is until the bell rang. She huffed and groaned in frustration first, then stood up and moved to the door with heavy steps. 

"If you forget your keys again, Sooyou---" It was Hyejoo. A very pissed Hyejoo, judging by the crossed arms and irked eyebrow. She walked inside, almost bumping into the stunned Chaewon. 

"Care to explain what the fuck got into your head?" Hyejoo asked, her calm voice the opposite of her body language. 

"What do you mean?" Chaewon closed the door. 

"Oh please, don't play dumb with me." Hyejoo rolled her eyes. "Giving me a lecture like that, and in front of my friends? Am I a kid or what?" 

"I gave my opinion. And I still think it's wrong." 

"Why do you even care if I had sex with Choer-" 

"Don't," Chaewon blurted. "B-Because that's not right, and that isn’t what God wanted for us." She tried to sound serious. "You should do that with someone you like and cherish, not with someone you don’t even care about enough to be with a second or third time... Or for the rest of your life." 

"I like and cherish Choerry, she's cool and we're good friends." 

"Of course." Chaewon scoffed. "You didn’t even know her name when you did it." 

"We call her Choerry since we know her because she introduced to us as Choerry. I don't know like, maybe I remembered it then? It was a week after we arrived or something. Why does it matter?" 

"Did I say it matters?" Chaewon tapped her foot on the floor. 

“It clearly matters a whole lot to you, or you wouldn’t have made such a scene.” 

“Well forgive me for being disappointed when I find out my friends have such weak morals they sleep around with their friends for one night.” Chaewon crossed her arms. “Or maybe it was more than that?” 

"It was just that time, I’m not interested in it anymore. But I do want to know why you’re asking me all these stupid questions." 

"I’m trying to wrap my head around it, okay?" Chaewon tried to eyed her as fierce as she could under her wobble knees. “I’m building a scale of wrong in my head." 

Hyejoo laughed, but it sounded so different from her usual dorky, loud cackle. 

"A scale of what? So now Park Chaewon, the supreme authority of morals, is evaluating me based on who I sleep with, so she can decide whether I'm worth keeping as a friend or not,” Hyejoo spat, walking towards the door. “Good luck with that.” 

"W-Wait, Hyejoo-" Chaewon grabbed her wrist, making her stop and look up. 

"I must be really despicable, ain't I? After all, I smoke, I'm gay, and I sleep around. But that was a bit too fucking much, don't you think? Isn’t your God the only one who’s allowed to judge humans or some bullshit? The big old man in the sky must be real pissed at you now." 

The front door opened with a laughing Jiwoo and Sooyoung stepping inside, giving Chaewon no time to fight back Hyejoo’s insults. 

"Oh, Hyejoo!" Sooyoung said, but the mood died down the second Hyejoo pulled her arm away from Chaewon's grip. 

"Hey guys, I was just leaving. Call me if you wanna go get for a beer or something. I won't be coming here for a while." She threw a last look at Chaewon before leaving. 

“Did something happen?” 

Chaewon heard Jiwoo’s voice, but she felt like her soul wasn’t there at that moment. Her body fell to the couch as the words rang in her mind. 

She had never seen Hyejoo that angry. And it was because of her. No, it was _at her. _

When she thought she’d changed and stopped judging others, she had to mess up in the worst way possible. Did Hyejoo mean it? Did Chaewon make her feel... _despicable? _

“We...” Chaewon muttered, gulping, but she didn’t have the strength to say another word. It felt like her throat blocked both her voice and her breath, and every feeling was to come out from her eyes. She shot up from the couch, mumbling an apology, and ran to her room. She closed her door and fell face down on her bed. 

She didn’t know how that happened. She didn’t know why she cared so much, but she did, and for what? To have Hyejoo mad and sad and angry at her, because once again, she was judgmental and this time intrusive as well? 

Why? Why did she ask those questions, why did she want to know so bad when it happened or if it still happened? And what if it did? Like Hyejoo said, it was not her business. It’s her life, after all, she could have--- She was free to choose her... partner. Or partners. 

But why did Chaewon feel the urge to tell her to stop doing that, even if she was in no place to do so? 

Chaewon rolled on her bed and sat so fast she heard a crack on her back. 

Maybe it bothered her because they were two girls and she wasn’t still used to it. But if she tried to think about Sooyoung and Jiwoo... it didn’t bother her at all. Maybe because she was already used to being around them. 

She grunted in frustration and let her body fall again, hiding her face on the nearest pillow. 

It still smelled like Hyejoo. Correction,_ stank_. It stank of cigarettes and the expensive fruity perfume she wore to hide it. 

But even so, it felt so familiar, as if Hyejoo was there. 

Because Chaewon didn’t want Hyejoo to have anybody else. Because she was the one Hyejoo sweet talked to. And took on the first ride on Juju, and to try new foods, and took to the beach. And still insisted they were dates. 

Because Chaewon wanted to open her eyes and find her next to her. 

She sat again and shook her head as if she could shake the thoughts out of her mind. 

But there was no more hiding from the capital sin she knew she’d incurred in. 

_Jealousy. _

Chaewon bolted from the bed to get down on her knees and pray her Lord for guidance, as she did every night. This time, she needed it more than she ever had. She had to beg God for forgiveness for the dark feelings that had tainted her soul. Beg Him to rid her heart of those feelings completely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides* H-Hi everyone, I hope you liked the new characters and PLEASE DON'T HATE ME c':
> 
> I wanna ask you guys a thing! Can you guess what Jinsol told Jungeun that left her grinning and red in the cheeks? I'll say if anyone actually gets it right on my next A/N kekekeke
> 
> Oh, and expect more new characters next chapter ^-^


	7. There's still time

Chaewon lost track of how much passed since the last time she talked to Hyejoo. And she couldn’t hide, not even from herself, that she missed her so bad. 

She missed her jokes and her smiles and her random cheesy compliments. She’d even grown to miss the smell of cigarettes. 

When she studied, she read pages and pages, but after a while, it was as if she’d read nothing. 

In class, she was unable to keep her mind present and attentive. It was always somewhere it shouldn’t be, but when she realized she was at it again, it was always too late and she could never stop herself from doing it. 

Almost as if she had given up on trying to fight it. 

But she still did it. She had to, when it went too far, to places she was scared of. 

Of course, Sooyoung and Jiwoo noticed how her mood changed and always tried to cheer her up and encourage her, but even some of her classmates noticed. 

She wanted to apologize, she wanted things to go back to what they were, but Hyejoo said she wouldn't be coming for a while. It wasn’t never. She would come back when she was ready, right? 

“Hey, Chaewon,” a voice called. “It’s like the tenth time you fall asleep today.” 

She raised from the warmth of her arms and blinked. “I was not asleep…” she mumbled, returning to the depths of her arms. 

“Okay, let’s call it a day, we’ve been studying for almost three hours. Or maybe it was only me, you seemed very out of it.” 

Chaewon glared at her. “What do I do, Hyunjin…” 

“First of all, let’s leave this place. Then I might help you with whatever you’re talking about,” Hyunjin said, dragging her out of her chair. 

She groaned but finally stood up. 

“What’s troubling you? You haven’t been very… you lately.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“You tell me.” 

Chaewon stared down at her feet as they walked down the library staircase, without knowing what to answer. 

“Maybe I’m overworking. I haven't been sleeping very well, with all the things to study and-” her eyes found the ones she hadn’t in too much time. 

Her feet slowed down until they came to a stop, or else she would probably fall down the stairs, because her eyes were still locked with Hyejoo’s, behind her round glasses. A look that hurt, because there was no hint of a smile in her eyes. 

“Chaewon?” Hyunjin’s voice brought her back, as she blinked and looked at where she stood, a couple steps below. 

“Yes! W-What was I saying?” Chaewon rushed down, gripping on the straps of her backpack. 

“That was your friend Hyejoo, right? Wasn’t her hair different, though?” 

Chaewon looked again to where she was sitting a few seconds ago, but she had disappeared. But Hyunjin was right, and Chaewon hadn’t seen it wrong after all. There were no more faded blue ends. Instead, all her hair was jet black now. 

“It was.” 

Hyunjin kept silent and Chaewon could feel her eyes on her as they walked. 

“What a weird vibe. Did you fight?” 

“W-What?” 

“Is that why you’ve been like this?” 

“It’s that easy to see?” Chaewon gave her a sad smile. 

“Well, it’s been a while since the last time I’ve seen you with her when you used to be together all the time, and the look you gave each other just now sent chills down my spine.” Hyunjin rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “What happened?” 

Chaewon sighed. “She’s mad at me.” 

“Okay, have you apologized for what made her mad?” 

“No… She doesn’t want to talk to me.” 

“Why do you say so?” 

“She told me to mind my own business.” 

Hyunjin rubbed her chin. “Did you mean the thing that made her mad? That thing you said or did.” 

“No...” Chaewon stared at her feet. 

“Then that means you know people say and do things they don’t mean when they’re mad. She’s no exception.” 

Chaewon met her eyes but didn’t know what to say. 

“You miss her, don't you?” Hyunjin asked, and she sure hit all her soft spots. “Then go talk to her.” 

“I-I’ll think about it. Thank you, Hyunjin.” 

Chaewon felt a thump in her chest. She did miss her, more than she was supposed to. 

“Hyunjin!” Someone called. 

A girl, very pretty when Chaewon took a proper look, waved at them. At Hyunjin to be more specific, whose face was way redder than it was mere seconds ago. 

“I-I gotta go, sorry.” She scratched her neck. “Root for me.” The corners of her lips curled up, making her canine show up. 

“Okay, good luck with... whatever it is.” 

Hyunjin looked back at her and took a deep breath. “A date. A freaking date with Jeon Heejin!” she whispered, her face radiating with excitement. “Okay, I don’t wanna keep her waiting, make sure you talk to Hyejoo. Bye!” 

Chaewon observed as Hyunjin rushed towards the girl, Heejin, who yanked at her arm and kissed her cheek the second she was next to her. 

But wait... a date? Chaewon didn’t see that coming. 

When she first saw Hyunjin, she seemed very unapproachable. She always had a strong vibe. And even though her features were rather cute, she always kept a serious expression in class. But that one class she sat beside Chaewon and asked to see her book because she had forgotten hers, that changed. Her cute smile melted the scary aura around her, and all that made her very much like Hyejoo. 

Since then they became seatmates in class and study partners, but they never talked much about personal stuff. Even so, Hyunjin didn’t hesitate in worrying for her and helping her. Chaewon could only be happy for her because that date seemed to mean the world to her. And Chaewon seemed to have some sort of magnet for befriending girls who were into other girls, but at this point, she had already become used to it. Hyunjin seemed the happiest about that date, and that was all that mattered. 

It should matter if Chaewon was happy too, but she couldn’t. Everything she could see was Hyejoo’s sad expression when she looked at her. 

Chaewon had to do something, but for now, she would go home and study. This study session had been anything but productive. 

\--- 

Chaewon lost track of time, and when she let go of the pen in her hand, she noticed how her stomach grumbled. 

She sat in front of the TV with a sandwich in her hands when the front door opened. 

“Hey, guys,” Chaewon said without taking her eyes off the TV. 

Chaewon felt two more weights on the couch beside her as they greeted her. 

“Hey, Chaewon,” Jiwoo said, making her turn her head. “Were you with Hyejoo today?” 

“No, we still... we’re not talking yet.” 

“Not even today?” Sooyoung asked. “You guys should let go of that at least for today.” 

“Why today?” 

“Oh my, you don’t know, do you?” Sooyoung bit her lip. “It’s Hyejoo’s birthday.” 

Chaewon froze. “Her b-birthday?” 

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to rub salt on your wound.” 

She shook her head, eyeing Jiwoo as she grabbed her phone. “There’s still time.” 

Twenty minutes left for the day to be over. Twenty minutes should be enough. 

"But, how am I supposed to know where she is? She must be partying or something." 

"Jungeun told us Hyejoo didn’t feel in the mood to party. She must be home. And judging by her ‘not in the mood’, she must be missing you. You know what that means." Jiwoo smiled at her. 

"Go." Sooyoung squeezed her hand. 

Chaewon didn’t have time to ask them how they knew it was her birthday, or how they knew Jungeun. Only Hyunjin’s words from earlier rang in her brain. Chaewon shot up from the couch and ran to her room to fetch her jacket and bag. 

"I'll see you later." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was slightly shorter, BUT I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER I PROMISE ^-^
> 
> And what would a story of mine be without 2jin right keke 


	8. Sunrise

As she ran down the street, she remembered the convenience store a couple blocks further. It was Hyejoo's birthday, she needed at least a cake and a candle to blow. 

After getting the chocolate cupcake because she had no time to lose in choosing a cake, she ran back to her apartment. She rang the bell, hoping she was on time. 

When Hyejoo opened the door, meeting a panting, sweaty Chaewon holding a cupcake with a candle on it, she became stone. 

"Hyejoo," Chaewon breathed, but what was she supposed to say? She knew, but she didn't prepare herself before the adrenaline took over her body. "I suppose you have a lighter?” 

A hand grasped on Chaewon's, pulling her forward and making her body meet Hyejoo's tall figure, as she heard the door closing behind her. Hyejoo’s arms snaked around her waist and her face buried in her neck. Chaewon had to grasp on the cupcake on her hand, away from their bodies, or else it would fall flat on the floor. 

"You're just in time," Hyejoo said in a muffled whisper, squeezing her body and stealing Chaewon's breath away. 

Chaewon didn't remember when was the last time someone hugged her like Hyejoo did. How her fingertips dug on the fabric of her jacket, like she had to make sure Chaewon wasn't her imagination. 

She also didn't remember when was the last time her heart beat that hard, to the point it hurt her ribs. Then again, she had just run to make it there, so it was an excuse, right? 

"Happy birthday." Chaewon rested her chin on her shoulder, diving her fingers on her now black locks. 

"W-Why did you take so long?" Hyejoo asked, her voice cracking. 

Chaewon widened her eyes. She wasn't crying... was she? 

"I don't know either. I'm sorry, Hyejoo." Chaewon kept on caressing her hair. "I know what I did was wrong, but I've learned my lesson." 

"Did you miss me?" Hyejoo nuzzled on her neck. 

"Are you going to tease me if I say yes?" She asked, and Hyejoo shook her head. "I did." 

Chaewon heard a giggle and she was already regretting it. 

"Don't do that again," Hyejoo blurted. "Don't... stop talking to me again. It hurts." 

"Yah, you were the one telling me to mind my own business, what did you want me to do?" 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Don't take my words seriously if I'm angry, I always end up saying shit I'll regret." 

Chaewon smiled. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind." 

There was silence, but neither of them pulled away. Chaewon didn't know it would feel so right to hold Hyejoo like that, as her own petite body fit perfectly against hers. She let her eyes close and embraced the moment, taking a deep breath to take in Hyejoo's scent. 

She stank as always. It was a different smell this time, one that she couldn’t tell what was. But she still smiled, because there was nothing she wanted more than to have Hyejoo- 

"I-I brought you a cake." Chaewon forced her thoughts to stop. "Sorry, I don't have anything else, I didn't know it was your birthday today." 

"You're here, I wouldn't ask for anything else," Hyejoo said and laughed after a second. "Wow, sorry, that was lame as fuck." 

Chaewon laughed along, but her stomach had done about a thousand flips by now. 

"This is nice, but I smell chocolate." 

Hyejoo pulled away and stole the cupcake from her hand, taking large steps to sit on the couch. Chaewon followed, observing Hyejoo lighting up the candle with her lighter. She held the cupcake with both hands and stared at the flame for a couple seconds before closing her eyes. 

Chaewon took the chance to take a proper look at Hyejoo. She wore her round glasses, and not only she dyed her hair, but it was also slightly shorter. While the blue tips gave her a cool vibe, the black hair made her look mature and prettier. Much prettier. So pretty Chaewon didn’t notice she was staring at her with her lips apart- 

“What?” Hyejoo irked an eyebrow, blowing the candle. 

“Why did you dye your hair?” 

“A gift to myself. I dyed it today. Also, the weather is becoming colder, so it matches the season. You don’t like it?” 

“No, I love it!” Chaewon said, waving her hand. “You look even prettier.” 

“Even prettier? Does that mean you already thought I was pretty?” Hyejoo smirked. 

“Yes.” 

She wouldn’t dare say, but she loved how Hyejoo’s cheeks would get redder when she got flattered. 

“I-It’s my birthday and I was playing League of Legends.” Hyejoo laughed at herself. “I probably got kicked for AFK already, so might as well try and celebrate, I guess.” 

“What do you want to do?” 

“I’m gonna call Jungeun, I bet they’re out drinking.” She smiled, grabbing her phone. 

Chaewon gulped. 

“They’re at The Wolf. I know your first meeting with them didn’t go as expected, but maybe you’re up to starting over?” Hyejoo asked, and she swore she saw a pout on her lips. 

“Yes, I own them an apology, and it’s your birthday, after all, let’s do what makes you feel happy.” 

Hyejoo shot her biggest smile and jumped from the couch, grabbing Chaewon's hand and pulling her up. “Fuck my dumb teammates, we were gonna lose anyway.” 

\--- 

What a bad idea. 

No, Chaewon should blame herself. She had always been very strict with herself, but then why did she let them convince her to drink with them? She also would blame the beer because it was somehow tasty. 

Also, the board games which had turned into drinking games. 

By the time they thought it was a good idea to play Jenga, already pretty tipsy, Chaewon found Sooyoung and Jiwoo sitting with them, and frowned. 

“What are you guys doing here? And you mentioned Jungeun earlier, do you guys know her?” Chaewon asked, narrowing her eyes to make sure it was them. 

Jiwoo and Jungeun exchanged a look and laughed. “We’ve known each other since middle school, we’re best friends who promised each other to come to Harvard together during college, so, here we are!” Jiwoo said, pulling Jungeun into a weird hug since they were both sitting in their own chairs. “And only recently we found out that you guys also know each other through Hyejoo. What a small world, right?” 

“Wow.” Chaewon raised her eyebrows in awe. “What about you, Sooyoung?” 

“She came because she can’t live away from me, isn’t that right, sweetie?” Jiwoo let go of Jungeun to lean closer to Sooyoung and plant a kiss on her cheek. 

“No.” Sooyoung chuckled and Jiwoo whined. “I’m joking, baby. But coming here could be a valuable experience, so I tried as well, and like she said, here we are. And in fact, I bet she would be the one that couldn’t live away from me, even if for just a school year.” Sooyoung added. 

“You’re right, how could I, my love?” 

“Gross.” Jungeun faked a gag, making Jinsol and Hyejoo snort. 

Sooyoung stood up to try to swat Jungeun’s arm, leading Jiwoo to playfully dodge to try and stay out of it. For the looks of it, they were also pretty close. “The only downside of being here is having to put up with you, Jungeun.” 

“As if you won’t be like this when you get a girlfriend! You'll be even worse, and then you’ll see, I’ll tease you to death, Kim Lip.” Jiwoo glared at her. 

“I’d never be so lame.” Jungeun clicked her tongue. “But let’s hope I get a girlfriend soon, then, so you can see for yourself.” 

“Hey, why can she call you Kim Lip and when I do it, you almost kill me?” Hyejoo pouted. 

“Being friends for so long comes with such perks.” Jiwoo gave her a satisfying smile. “I was the one giving her that name, you know. I have the right to use it.” 

“Yes, only her.” Jungeun agreed. “Where did it come from, even?” 

Jiwoo shrugged, and Hyejoo kept sulking on her chair. And even though Chaewon thought her pout was adorable, she knew how to make it a grin in an instant. 

“It’s okay, only you can call me Gowon,” she whispered near her ear, and it worked like a charm. 

Even though Chaewon knew she would regret everything the next day, she had to admit she was having tons of fun. She felt like she was breaking rules and living life without worrying about what was wrong or not. 

And Hyejoo's friends were a great bunch to hang out after all. They accepted her apology and didn't hesitate in welcoming her back even after the awkward first meeting. Chaewon could even tolerate Choerry now, even though she still scrunched her nose when she tried to make a move on Hyejoo. 

Chaewon threw the Jenga tower down for the third time in a row, and she wasn't sure she was a disaster in that game altogether, or if she was too drunk. She didn't feel that bad, just happy. Very happy, laughing at everything Hyejoo said, things that while sober would make her want to smack the back of her head. 

"You suck at this." Hyejoo refilled her glass. "C'mon, drink up!" 

Chaewon giggled and swallowed all the liquid on her glass at once. 

"Wow, Chaewon, who knew you drank like this." Jinsol nodded with a teasing smirk. 

"Oh Lord, I also didn't know." Chaewon held her head, then raised a finger like she remembered something. "I need to use the bathroom." 

She thought she was fine, but when she stood up, Hyejoo had to save her from tripping. 

"I’ll go with you.” Hyejoo stood up as well. “You might end up dead tonight.” 

“But I won’t, because Son Hyejoo will be there to save the day. Well, night.” Chaewon laughed at herself. “Why do you seem so well? Not even dizzy?” 

"I'm a bit dizzy actually, but I'm very tolerant. You know, many years of drinking." 

Chaewon clicked her tongue. "Such a bad influence you are, Son Hyejoo. You're lucky I like you." 

"Lucky indeed." Hyejoo smiled. 

She was caught off guard, feeling her face warm up. She stepped inside the toilet, and Hyejoo followed her. 

"What are you doing?" Chaewon turned at her. 

"You're not the only human being that uses the toilet, you know." 

Chaewon squinted at her and entered the first stall she found, while Hyejoo moved to another one. 

"Gowon-" 

"No, we're not having a conversation while peeing." 

Hyejoo snorted. "What if I'm not peeing?" 

"Yah, Son Hyejoo, you're gross." Chaewon tried to hold her laugh but failed when Hyejoo did. 

"I was just gonna say I wanna go get some air. Keep me some company?" 

As Chaewon had said, only when Hyejoo stood beside her to wash her hands she turned to her. 

"Yes, I think I need some air too. Isn't it very hot?" Chaewon splashed some water on her face. 

"Am I too hot?" 

Chaewon gulped. She eyed Hyejoo from head to toe as she leaned against the sink, and scoffed. "So hot you might burn yourself." 

"Careful or you also might get burned," Hyejoo muttered near her ear, walking towards the door. 

Chaewon was glad she was holding on the sink because her knees almost betrayed her. She followed Hyejoo outside and sat on the stairs beside her. 

The sky was dark, splashed with a few stars here and there. The cold breeze blowing against her hot skin was just what Chaewon needed. 

None of them seemed to have anything to say, but it didn't feel awkward. Chaewon thought it felt rather comfortable, being next to her and letting Hyejoo shift closer and rest her head on her shoulder. 

"Is this some kind of trick to heal from alcohol? Because I'm feeling so much better." Chaewon took in the fresh air into her lungs. 

"Yes, it helps. That's why I wanted to come here," Hyejoo said, and Chaewon felt the warmth of Hyejoo's hand on hers. "And to be with you." 

Moments like this made Chaewon want to explode and straight up ask Hyejoo what she really meant. She always remembered the conversation they never finished whenever Hyejoo said things like that, and it only brought back the questions that were left to answer. She convinced herself that Hyejoo was only talking about her looks back then, but this was different. 

"Why?" Chaewon asked. 

"Why, what?" 

"Why do you keep saying things like that?" 

Hyejoo remained silent. A chill ran down Chaewon's spine when Hyejoo squeezed her hand, caressing her thumb with hers. 

"Are you cold?" Hyejoo asked, looking up from her shoulder. 

"A bit." 

"Wanna go back inside?" 

Chaewon shook her head. 

"Good." Hyejoo leaned on her shoulder again and Chaewon looked down at her. She kept her eyes closed, and after noticing the lingering smile on her lips, Chaewon didn't feel cold anymore. 

What was the use in overthinking what makes you happy? 

Chaewon would do what felt right to her, and at that moment, that was resting her head on Hyejoo's and close her eyes. Feel Hyejoo's body close to hers and how her hands fit perfectly together, without any second thoughts. 

"Gowon," Hyejoo called after only god knows how long. "Let's watch the sunrise." 

"Hm? Where?" 

"By the river. We can walk there, it's not that far." 

"But we can’t just disappear like that." 

“I’ll tell the others you passed out and I had to carry you home.” Hyejoo giggled. 

“Hey!” Chaewon hit her arm. “Only if I’m the one who had to carry you when you passed out. I have a reputation to maintain.” 

“Do you think they would believe that you could carry me home?” Hyejoo held her laugh. 

“I-I could have called a cab for you!” Gowon frowned. 

Hyejoo chuckled. “Fine, then.” Hyejoo extended her phone to her. “Text them from my phone and tell them how you had to be my prince charming.” 

Chaewon’s cheeks heated as she stole the phone from her hands and started her way, making Hyejoo follow behind while cackling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, fluff c:
> 
> Thank you for the support on this story so far, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and look forward to the next one ^-^


	9. Her own kind of heaven

They took their time to get to the riverside, and the sky had become a gradient from dark to light blue. 

"Have you ever seen the sunrise?" Hyejoo asked, after sitting on a bench with a good view of the river. 

"If you count the nights I spent awake studying." 

"If you actually saw the sun rising, it counts." 

"I didn't." Chaewon chuckled. 

"Then it's one more thing you'll experience for the first time with me." 

“You sound like a tourist guide." 

"I can be one for you." 

Chaewon scoffed. "Of course." 

Hyejoo smiled. "I'm serious. If you ever want to try something, tell me. I'll do it with you." 

"Like what, bungee jumping?" She joked. 

The color in Hyejoo's face drained faster than a blink of Chaewon's eyes. 

"D-Don't you even suggest that again." 

"Why, is it possible that the mighty Son Hyejoo is afraid of heigh--" 

"Shut up," Hyejoo hissed. "Have you ever thought what would happen if you fell? Fucking scary, man." 

"Then let's go somewhere high and I'll be with you to make you feel safe." Chaewon smiled at the reaction she got from Hyejoo, who glared at her but bit back a smile.

"L-Look, it's starting." Hyejoo looked ahead. 

Chaewon knew the sun was rising in the sky because it reflected on Hyejoo's eyes, but somehow, she couldn't look anywhere else. Her side profile was so pretty... 

"You have a hella of a beautiful sunrise happening and you're looking at me? Damn, I must be damn beautiful." Hyejoo said, meeting her eyes. 

"You are," she blurted. "I-I mean-" 

"It's okay, you don't need to explain. You're beautiful yourself, Gowon. Even more than the sunrise."

It didn't matter how many times Hyejoo told her that, it always made her heart thump so hard it hurt her chest. 

Chaewon couldn't break the stare. Hyejoo did look incredibly beautiful, under the dim light of the dawn, or the moon, or in the dark, it didn't matter. There was something she couldn't explain, but it kept her drawn to her. Either the way Hyejoo's eyes gleamed whenever she held her gaze, or the way her lips always showed the smallest hint of a smirk. 

Her lips. The most unique lips she had seen. 

For a second, a thought flashed on Chaewon's head. She snapped her head forward, taking in the beauty of the sun at last. 

The thought she had been fighting back for so long and that haunted even in her sleep. It scared her how she was losing the ability to suppress and reject what she didn't want to take over her. 

"Thank you, Gowon." 

"F-For what?" 

"For this, for spending the night with me, for bringing me a cake and wishing me a happy birthday. Just... thank you for being here." 

"It's not like I'm doing you a favor. I'm here because I want to." 

And then there was this side that wanted to fight for what made her happy, and Chaewon didn't know what to think or do anymore. 

"Let's watch the sunrise, or else we'll miss it." Hyejoo looked ahead. 

Yes, for now, it was what  Chaewon would do as well.

\---

After walking all the way back, they stopped in front of Hyejoo's building. She looked at Chaewon and bit on her lip. 

"Stay here." 

Chaewon raised an eyebrow. 

"I’ll be worried if you go home on your own. You did drink a lot.” 

"But it's like five minutes walking, and I’m sober by now--” 

"But my house is right here. You don't need to go." 

“Well if you’re so worried, why don’t you go to my dorm with me?” 

“Because I already crashed in your dorm and now it’s my turn to return the favor.” 

“I can’t argue against that.” 

What a poor excuse, but it was enough for Hyejoo. 

"I'm thirsty." Chaewon walked to the fridge, and she didn't know if she should be surprised or disappointed. "Beer, beer and more beer. Not even cold water you have in this fridge, Son Hyej-" 

Chaewon's throat contracted when she turned around, and it wasn't because of how dried it was. Hyejoo's jacket was gone, and the sweater was going on the same path. Hyejoo raised her arms, making the t-shirt she had underneath the sweater raise as well. The emotions hitting Chaewon all at once were so strong she didn't know how to react. 

She gripped on the kitchen counter and gulped, letting her eyes wander through  Hyejoo's chest, traveling down her long torso to her flat stomach. Her heavy breathing caught  Hyejoo's attention, who turned around and met her eyes after throwing her sweater to the couch. 

"Are you okay?"  Hyejoo asked,  squinting as she approached, because she took of her glasses as well.  Chaewon tried to take a step back, but her back hit the counter. 

"Y-Yes! It's just, I’m trying to find the water. It’s very hot and all that alcohol dehydrated me pretty bad." Her eyes twitched, trying to focus on anything else but  Hyejoo .  She ended up noticing a flowerpot by the window, with a couple of white roses. If the situation was different, she would have laughed and teased  Hyejoo , but she had other things to worry about.

"Well, that's why I took off my sweater. Just do as I did. Oh, and I don’t have any cold water but there are some bottles over the counter and I have ice if you like." 

Judging by her voice, Hyejoo sounded pretty casual. But when Chaewon forced herself to look at her, there was something different in her eyes and in the way she stared at her. 

There was this flame behind those dark orbs, and Chaewon felt her skin heating even more as Hyejoo took a step towards her. Her feet glued to the ground in such a way that she couldn't move towards the water bottles. 

Hyejoo glued her body with hers as she leaned forward and to her side, reaching for  a  bottle without breaking the stare, forcing Chaewon to lean backward, her eyes as wide as they could be.  Chaewon took the bottle from her hands, unsure if she’d be able to swallow the water without making a mess. 

She was right. The second she put the bottle to her lips and tried to drink it, half the water went down her throat, and the other half spilled on her sweater. 

Hyejoo stared down at the mess she’d made and shook her head, chuckling at her awkwardness. 

“I did say you should have taken off your sweater.” 

“Uh... Yeah. I d-don't wanna get a cold.” 

“Need help with it?”  Hyejoo said almost in a whisper, but  it sounded like a shout in the  dead silence of the room .

Hyejoo closed, once again, the space between their bodies, never, even for a split second, breaking the gaze. 

Hands made their way to Chaewon’s hips, sliding up and leaving a trace of electricity along their way until she held on the hem of her sweater. 

Chaewon couldn’t move, or breathe, or think. She hoped Hyejoo would read in her eyes that she had to follow through because she wouldn’t be capable of doing so herself. She thanked her in her mind when her sweater flew above her head. 

The sudden change of temperature made a chill travel from the back of her neck to her back and arms. Or maybe it was because delicate fingertips ghosted on her exposed skin, from her hands to her shoulders. 

Hyejoo’s eyes were no longer in hers, but down, looking at her with parted lips. 

Chaewon shut her eyes down and clenched her jaw when the strap of her black bra slid down on her arm, only to feel soft and warm lips on her shoulder. She had to hold a yelp because Hyejoo trailed all the way up to her ear with small kisses. 

“Chaewon,” she whispered, making Chaewon’s skin turn into a mess of goosebumps and raised hairs. 

Chaewon opened her eyes to witness Hyejoo a half step back, sliding her t-shirt painfully slow up her head. 

This time, she couldn’t hold the loud and heavy breathing she was holding in the back of the throat, because Chaewon had never seen anything so beautiful in her life. 

Chaewon shrunk when  Hyejoo’s body met hers, skin against skin, towering over her. She gulped, unable to look anywhere else but  Hyejoo's body pressed against hers. 

"You want this as much as I do, don't you?" 

Hyejoo's deep voice made Chaewon look up. There was not a mischievous smirk, or even a smile whatsoever. Only the same flame growing wilder on her eyes that looked at her like no one else did before. 

“W-what is this?” 

“Whatever you want it to be. I’ll only go as far as you let me,” Hyejoo said as she caressed her cheek with the back of her hand. 

"Yes. I do."  Chaewon muttered, so quiet she wondered if she had said it out loud or just in her head.

Hyejoo grabbed her hands and turned, pulling her towards an opened door. 

Her room. 

Chaewon heard the door closing behind her, making her snap back. Hyejoo approached and Chaewon took a step back as instinct until her legs hit the bed, making her sit. She let her body fall back until it met the mattress, as Hyejoo crawled on top of her and sat on her abdomen. 

She held her stare, waiting for whatever would be coming next, aware of how her chest raised with each heavy breath. Hyejoo grabbed both of Chaewon's hands and guided them to her own hips. 

"It's okay," Hyejoo whispered, seeing the surprised look on Chaewon's face. "Do whatever you wanna." 

Hyejoo's skin burned under her palms, but she did as told. She traveled up to her toned stomach, feeling the curve of her waist. Hyejoo’s body moved further down with her touch, until she laid her upper body on top of hers. The sudden proximity made Chaewon hold her breath and close her eyes, focusing on how soft Hyejoo's skin felt against her palms. 

Lips traveled from  Chaewon's collarbone up to her ear, in shallow breaths and wet kisses, making her whimper and dig her nails on  Hyejoo's back.  Hyejoo hissed, grasping on  Chaewon's hair in response and earning a low grunt from her , her toes curling with the heat wave rushing on her every vein . 

"H-Hyejoo-" Chaewon called, gasping when Hyejoo bit on her earlobe. "Look at me." 

After one more kiss behind her ear,  Hyejoo complied.  Chaewon felt her mind spinning around when she took a look at  Hyejoo . Red cheeks, a tongue running across her lips, a breathing mess, and eyes that could conquer the world.  _ Chaewon’s _ _ world.  _

A look  Chaewon recognized as desire, even if she  had  never seen it in someone’s eyes. Even if she could ponder about it over her clouded mind, if it was wrong or right, she didn't want to. 

There was just one thing she wanted that she couldn't hold anymore. For her thoughts, dreams, and fears to become reality. 

Chaewon had to be the one to close the gap between those dreams. To show  Hyejoo that she would let her go as far as she wanted to .

She snaked her hands to the back of  Hyejoo’s neck and closing her eyes, she pulled her lips to her own. Their bodies became one as she finally and unapologetically let out the moan she had been stifling at the back of her throat. 

If being seen as a sinner by everyone else was all it cost for her to have this moment, it seemed like a very small price to pay. Would  Chaewon be sent to Hell for this, like she  had  believed all her life? That didn’t matter so much anymore. 

If being a sinner meant she was going to burn for eternity, then let that be because on Earth, she allowed herself  to  feel the burn of Hyejoo’s fingers against her skin. 

That would be her own kind of Heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you didn't expect this. Neither did Gowon.


	10. Here comes the but

Chaewon heard a door opening and quiet steps in the depths of the silent room. 

"Oh, Chaewon, good..." Jiwoo yawned. "Morning? What are you doing?" 

Chaewon didn’t move. She kept her face buried in her knees, hugging them to her chest. 

"Hey, baby, is she asleep?" 

"Maybe?" 

"Then shouldn't we wake her up so she can sleep in her bed? That looks pretty uncomfortable." 

Chaewon shot her head up, startling Jiwoo, who yelped and jumped back. 

"I'm fine." 

"Holy, you look like Samara, what in the world happened?" Sooyoung took a step closer. 

"Who's Samara?" Jiwoo frowned. 

"You would know if you watched horror movies, but you're a pussy." 

"Yah, you brat." Jiwoo punched her arm. "I'm not the one who cries when I see a cockroa-" 

"I kissed her, Chaewon blurted. 

Jiwoo snapped her head so fast Chaewon heard a snap. "You w-what?" 

Sooyoung took her time to turn and face Chaewon. "Her... H-Hyejoo?" 

Her roommates shared a look and ran to Chaewon, squatting in front of her. 

"What happened?" They asked at the same time. 

"Yah, don't push it!" Sooyoung narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend. 

"You asked first!" 

"I don't know what happened," Chaewon said, ignoring their bickering. 

"Let’s try and recall what happened last night. You texted us saying you guys headed back first because Hyejoo wasn't feeling well." 

"That was a lie, I'm so sorry." Chaewon buried her face in her arms again. "We went to see the sunrise, then she asked me to stay at her house, then when I realized... She was too close, and my sweater was gone, and then her t-shirt was gone, and her hands were on me, and then we went to her room, and--" 

"Chaewon, breathe." Sooyoung interrupted her because she spoke so fast she was about to choke on her own breath. 

Chaewon took a deep breath and looked up at their raised eyebrows. 

"And then I kissed her. I did that. Not her." 

Their chins dropped and they took a while to react. “B-but wait. You said something about your tops being gone, and... her room? What... exactly happened?" Jiwoo hesitated. 

Chaewon pursued her lips and gulped. "I have no idea. It was very intimate." 

"Oh shit," Jiwoo blurted, taking a hand to her mouth. 

"I’m sorry, but... Did you guys touch each other in like... places?" Sooyoung asked, awkwardly waving her hand around her body, trying to gesture exactly what _places _she meant. 

Unable to verbalize it, Chaewon followed Sooyoung’s sign language and pointed to places in her body to attempt to explain herself. 

"Holy fuck, Chaewon." Sooyoung gasped. "Did you guys have sex?!" 

"Yeah, it sure was a holy fuck." Jiwoo snickered. 

Sooyoung glared at her. "Jiwoo, not the time, it's not funny," she said, but her lower lip trembled from how much she was holding it. “That’s offensive for Chaewon, apologize!” 

"But you want to laugh." 

"Jiwoo, come on.” 

She sighed and held her hands together in front of her face, bowing to Chaewon in apology. But Chaewon herself seemed to have stopped hearing them long before. 

"S-Sex?" Chaewon choked on her breathing. "You're telling me I had... How?" 

Sooyoung bit her lip. "You don't have the slightest idea about how two girls have sex, do you?" 

"You know, contrary to popular belief, it rarely involves scissoring," Jiwoo muttered. “If you want my advice, it’s not even worth to try it, because I swear it’s so awkward and unfulfilling. This one time Sooyoung and I----” 

"If you open your mouth one more time, I swear I'll lock you outside." Sooyoung pinched her leg, earning a whine from her. 

"W-What's that?" Chaewon asked, eyebrows twitching. 

"Ignore it. Don't be scared, you didn't do anything wrong-" 

"You're telling me I had s-sex with Hyejoo, how isn’t that wrong?!" Chaewon said, a few octaves higher. "Oh Lord, I'm so sorry for I sinned..." She closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. 

"You don't need to apologize to anyone, Chaewon, and that's not a sin." Sooyoung held her hands. "Be honest with us and especially with yourself. Did you feel good?" 

The raw truth that hurt so much. "Y-Yes." 

"Then-" 

"But I can't!" She clenched her fists under Sooyoung’s warm palms. "It's against what I believe in-" 

"Why, because she's a girl?" Jiwoo scoffed. “I think it’s about time you stop saying that.” 

"Jiwoo!” Sooyoung yelled, louder than she had to. “Don’t speak to her like that!” 

“And you don’t speak like that to me!” 

“Don't you understand how serious this is? Did she ever do anything to you? Can you imagine how hard this must be for her? Didn't you also have a hard time accepting yourself after I kissed you?" 

Jiwoo’s features softened as her eyes dropped to the floor. "Okay, you’re right, I'm sorry." 

A sob stopped the girls' argument, as they looked to a crying Chaewon with her face in her hands. Sooyoung stood up and sat next to Chaewon, carefully resting an arm around her shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, Chaewon. Jiwoo is nervous, don't take her words seriously." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Chaewon." Jiwoo sat beside her as well, rubbing her back. 

"But s-she's right." Chaewon sobbed once again. "I'm a hypocrite, I do what I condemn in others, but I still liked it, Sooyoung!" She looked up at her. "What do I do? I can't suddenly be... be g-gay." 

Sooyoung rubbed her shoulders. "No one is suddenly gay, Chaewon. But our society makes everyone think they're straight because that's what's supposed to be normal, when they're not. Jiwoo and I also had boyfriends before we were with each other." 

"How do I know, then?" 

"Did you ever have a boyfriend?" Sooyoung asked. 

"Y-Yeah, a couple of years ago." 

"Okay, how was it?" 

"It was... normal? It didn't last long though, like a couple of months." 

Sooyoung nodded. "Did you kiss, or...?" 

"Y-Yes. One time." Chaewon fidgeted in her seat. 

"And did you like it?" 

"I didn't feel comfortable when he tried to do it, but it’s what you have to do when you have a boyfriend. I was just nervous because I’d never done it." 

"But you felt comfortable and you liked it when you kissed Hyejoo," Jiwoo said. 

Chaewon bit her lip and stared down, nodding. 

"Did you like any other boy after that?" 

"No. Honestly..." Chaewon said, but stopped. A gentle squeeze on her shoulder encouraged her to continue. "I was never interested in boys in general. I thought I would become more interested when it was time for me to get married." 

"See?" Jiwoo smiled. "It's not sudden, Chaewon. You just never thought about it." 

Sooyoung nodded in agreement. Chaewon felt her head spinning and her vision was going white. 

"I-I think I need to lay down." 

They helped her stand up and walk to her room. 

"You didn't get any rest since last night, did you?" Sooyoung asked, pulling the blanket over her tired body, and Chaewon shook her head. "Then rest, okay?" 

"I didn't forget about our lunch, so wake me up if I don't, okay?" Chaewon mumbled, the tiredness weighing her eyes down. 

"Alright. And Chaewon, don't overthink it. Just... be honest with yourself. And don't forget we're here for you. We’ve both been where you are now. You’re not alone." 

Chaewon gave her a weak nod and Sooyoung smiled, kissing her forehead. 

She didn't realize how tired she was, and even though her mind was a mess of questions and doubts, she let her eyes close. She would think about it later. 

\--- 

Chaewon woke up with a huge appetite. She had lost count of how many hours passed since the last time she ate something at all. 

"I need the biggest hamburger, a large dose of fries and a large coke." Chaewon's stomach rumbled as they left their dorm. 

"Five Guys?" Jiwoo suggested. 

"Is that a hamburger place?" 

Sooyoung gasped. "You don't know about it?! Five Guys, burgers and fries?" 

"No, but that looks like greasy junk food so I'm in. Where is it?" Chaewon hurried her pace, walking in a random direction. 

"Hold on, Chaewon, it's not a walkable distance." Jiwoo grabbed her jacket, yanking her back. "I'll call an Uber." 

After a few minutes, Chaewon saw a way too familiar black, chic car approaching. She felt like running away, but her legs wouldn’t respond even if she wanted to. 

It pulled over, the passenger window sliding down with a cheeky Hyejoo wiggling her eyebrows at them. 

“Did someone call an Uber?” She stepped outside Juju and leaned against it. “Son Hyejoo and Son Juju at your service.” She patted the roof of her car. 

Both Chaewon and Sooyoung glared at Jiwoo, who had a mischievous smile on her lips. 

“To Five Guys, miss Hyejoo.” 

“Alright ma’am, please get in.” Hyejoo opened the passenger’s door and shot Chaewon a smirk as Jiwoo and Sooyoung entered the car. “The front seat is reserved for you.” 

Chaewon gulped. Her breath had been stuck on her throat since the moment she saw Hyejoo, and the emotions hitting her made her dizzy. How was she supposed to act? She didn’t have time to process anything at all yet, and she had to face Hyejoo already. She wasn’t ready. 

She followed Hyejoo and got in the front passenger's seat, taking a look back. Sooyoung fumed like a bull, her clenched jaw visible. 

“Alright, ladies and no gentlemen, buckle your seat belts, as we’re starting our ride. Destination: delicious kingdom of greasy and caloric, but so comforting food, Five Guys," Hyejoo said in broken English, with flight attendant voice. 

As always, Jiwoo snorted, hitting Hyejoo’s seat, while Sooyoung rolled her eyes and Chaewon giggled nervously. 

The ride was quiet, not as awkward as Chaewon thought it would be, and at least her heart was able to calm down for a bit. 

That is, until after placing their order, Sooyoung called Jiwoo for a second, meaning Chaewon and Hyejoo would go ahead to choose a table. 

“Gowon,” Hyejoo called, so soft it ended up drawing her eyes to hers. “How are you feeling?” 

A mess, fighting an internal battle against the memories from mere hours ago, of Hyejoo’s body, her touches, her kisses, her voice calling for her name- 

“F-Fine.” She took a long breath. 

“You sure?” Hyejoo asked, the same worried voice, and her hand made way to Chaewon’s, who flinched with the sudden touch. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” 

Chaewon shook her head. “I’m okay.” 

“I’m very happy, Gowon, as you probably noticed.” She grinned. “Are you happy?” 

Yes? No? Chaewon wished she knew the answer. 

"Sorry guys." Jiwoo's voice made Chaewon straighten herself up and retreat her hand, as she cleared her throat. "I'm starving, I hope the food arrives soo- oh there's our order!" 

"I'll help you." Hyejoo stood up with Jiwoo. 

"Sorry, Chaewon," Sooyoung said, with her voice low. "I had no idea Jiwoo would do this. It was also not her intention to make you feel bad, she's just... clueless and impulsive sometimes. I’m sure she was trying to help." 

"It's okay, I also never said I didn't want to be with her. And maybe I actually needed to be with her this soon to understand what... what's going on, with all of this, and me." 

Sooyoung gave her an apologetic smile. "Are you feeling better?" 

"I don't know." Chaewon sunk in her chair. "I don't understand what are these feelin-" 

Sooyoung nudged her as her eyes widened for a second and Chaewon heard steps. 

"Wonder Hyejoo and Super Jiwoo arrived to save you ladies from starvation!" Hyejoo said, placing a tray in front of her and Chaewon. 

She couldn't hold a chuckle. This was her favorite Hyejoo. The happy and goofy Hyejoo, with the smile that could light up the whole night sky or warm up a cold winter day- 

"The food's here, Gowon, not in me." Hyejoo pointed down. 

Chaewon blinked and snapped her head down. 

"Y-Yes, this looks delicious," she said, unwrapping her hamburger. 

"Just wait until you taste it." Jiwoo took a huge bite on hers and hummed in satisfaction. 

"Hm..." Chaewon chewed, her eyebrows drawing together. "Oh my goodness. Yah, why didn't anyone bring me here before?!" 

"You never said you wanted to eat burgers!" Hyejoo protested. 

"But you also never suggested!" Chaewon munched on a handful of fries. 

"I couldn't have known!" 

Jiwoo turned to Sooyoung, still frowning at them. "Is this a couple fight?" 

She knew she was heard when Chaewon glared at her. She leaned back on her chair feeling her cheeks warming up. 

"Yes, you wouldn't know. And it's not your job to take me to places as well, sorry," she said, her lips showing a small pout. 

"But I like to!" Hyejoo almost jumped in her chair. "As I said before, you just need to ask me if you wanna go somewhere or try something new!" 

"Try something new, is it..." Jiwoo mumbled, holding her laugh. 

"Kim Jiwoo, do you even know how to whisper?" Sooyoung sighed. 

Hyejoo opened her mouth to say something to Chaewon, but nodded instead with a small smile when she saw through the discomfort on her face. 

The rest of the meal went by peacefully, but there was this knot on Chaewon’s stomach that she thought food would solve. 

It didn’t, because Hyejoo was the cause. She couldn’t keep up with her thoughts, as her mind told her one thing and then the opposite in the next second. It was driving her mad already. 

Chaewon wouldn’t be able to live like that every day, spending time with Hyejoo while she didn’t know what to think or feel. 

After lunch and a walk downtown, Hyejoo drove them back to their dorm, but Chaewon couldn't leave without doing something first. 

“Y-You guys go ahead,” she said, getting inside Juju again, looking at a frowning Hyejoo. 

“Did you forget something?” 

Chaewon looked back to make sure her roommates went ahead. After they stepped inside the building, she turned to Hyejoo. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

Hyejoo’s hand grasped on the wheel and her throat visibly contracted. 

“I’m sorry, saying it like that wasn’t a good idea.” Chaewon rested a hand on top of hers to ease the atmosphere. “I just want to be honest with you.” 

“Okay.” 

“I don’t regret what happened,” Chaewon started, because there was no use in taking deep breaths or beating around the bush. “I… I liked it. A lot.” 

And if felt like a hundred pounds were lifted from her chest. 

“Here comes the but…” Hyejoo sighed. 

“I need some time to process this, Hyejoo. It’s very new for me.” 

The barely noticeable tremble on Hyejoo’s lip made her heart clench. 

“Don’t make that face…” Chaewon whined. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You respected me and only did what I wanted you to. I don’t even mean I will stop talking to you, I promised I wouldn’t do that again.” She smiled, earning a small one from Hyejoo. “But this... other thing going on with us... I don’t know. Please understand that this is a lot to take in, Hyejoo," she continued, receiving a weak nod from her. “I can’t organize my head and understand what is going on with me if I’m always with you. I just need some time.” 

Hyejoo nodded, finally meeting her eyes. “I understand, Gowon. I’m happy that you didn’t regret it at least. And that you’re up to giving it some thought instead of running away.” 

“I like you too much for that.” 

Her heart always spoke for herself, and it also always made her face red with the sudden confessions. 

“I-I’ll be waiting, then,” Hyejoo said, her cheeks matching Chaewon’s. 

“Thank you for understanding, Hyejoo.” 

She nodded and it seemed like the conversation was over. 

Chaewon managed to keep it as casual as she could because she knew she was about to break and she couldn’t afford to now. 

“Okay, then, I-I’ll get going. They’re maybe wondering what happened so, yeah. Take care, Hyejoo. Don’t smoke and drink too much.” 

Hyejoo clicked her tongue. “You’re making it seem like we’re not gonna see each other again. Just go.” 

Chaewon smiled and her hand was already on the handle to open the door when her body froze. 

She turned to face Hyejoo again and leaned forward, cupping her cheek to place a soft kiss on her lips. She took a second to take in Hyejoo’s stunned features before leaving, at last, running inside the building, with her heart thumping so hard it hurt. 

It was worth the pain, though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone ^-^
> 
> Thank you so much for all the reactions on the previous chapter! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, because it really is an important chapter, just like this one (even though their conversation was quite funny, it was very serious ahaha)
> 
> Hope you look forward to the next chapter and find out the results of Gowon's decision keke


	11. Your house

Chaewon thought space would help her organize her mind. 

_How silly of her. _

Not seeing Hyejoo in no way meant she stopped thinking about her. Like those painful weeks after their fight. 

But now, after what happened between them, it was even more unbearable to stay away from her. Because Chaewon had found something new about Hyejoo – the way she could make her feel. She tried to convince herself she didn’t want it, but _oh, she did. _

After talking everything out with Vivi, and one afternoon after a study session with Hyunjin, she felt better. They really understood her. Chaewon was grateful for having them and her roommates there to help her in any way they could without judging her, which was her biggest fear. They all had said the same – follow what felt right and made her happy. And she knew what that was. 

The second she occasionally found Hyejoo around campus, her mind would start an internal battle against her heart, telling her legs to run – only she wasn’t sure if away from her, or right towards her. Somehow, she always ended up walking in her direction. 

And why did it seem like God refused to give her the answers she asked for? Was He testing her? Was she about to throw away everything she believed in her whole life? And was it worth it? Or would He still accept her as His child, even if she deliberately chose sin? 

Then, why was she thinking about that when she should be studying, which was what she had come to Harvard to do? 

She dropped the pen and hid her face in her hands. When would she find her answers? 

Chaewon needed food. Stepping out her bedroom, she found her roommates cuddling on the couch while watching TV, and for a second, those two people were Hyejoo and her. 

She shook her head and walked towards the fridge, fetching the first thing that caught her eye - an apple. And as she took a big bite, she leaned against the counter, that one memory floating on her mind. 

She grunted, looking at the apple as if she was the source of all evil. She took another aggressive bite, one that ended up snapping the apple in half instead, sending the sound of its demise across the room. 

“Whoa, what’s wrong with you and what did that apple do to you?” Jiwoo asked from the couch, her neck turned back. 

“Everything,” she mumbled, with half the apple still on her mouth and the other in her hand. 

“Uh, what?” 

“It’s... it’s Hyejoo!” Chaewon huffed as she finished munching on half her apple. 

“What did she do?” Sooyoung frowned. 

“Nothing, it’s me!” 

“Are you PMSing?” Jiwoo asked 

“I...” She sighed. “Maybe.” 

“Why don’t you sit with us and talk about whatever’s inside that mind of yours?” Sooyoung said, patting the empty space beside her. 

Chaewon sighed and did so. 

"Okay, let it all out." 

"I don't know anything anymore, I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. One second I want to run to her and kiss her and-" She cleared her throat, recomposing herself. "And in the next, I don't want to see her or think about her because it feels wrong and, see, I don't know! What do I do?" 

"We’ve had this conversation before, Chaewon." Jiwoo sighed. "We don't know what else we can do to help you.” 

"I know. You told me to follow the feeling in my gut and I know it feels right, but if it felt completely right, I wouldn’t have such a problem. What’s wrong is that it doesn’t feel completely right." 

"I think it’s going to take some time no matter what you do. You’re gonna live through this, alright," Sooyoung said, “But it doesn’t mean you have to be away from her while you process everything. As far as I can tell, it’s only making it worse. Why don’t you let her help you through it? Let her help you figure out how you feel.” 

"But what if she ends up convincing me that I want it?" 

"Do you really need to be convinced of that?" Sooyoung smirked at her. 

Chaewon stopped breathing for a moment. "No, I... I can't." 

"Okay, you know what you need? To clear that mind, because this is not going anywhere," Jiwoo said, seeing the mood going downhill. "Baby, remember that party we were thinking about going? Chaewon, you're going with us." 

"W-What party?" 

"Tomorrow, salsa night. You're gonna shake that butt and drink something and forget about all of this even if for a couple of hours." 

"Great idea, babe!" Sooyoung patted her head. 

"Tomorrow?” 

“Yes, are you busy?” Jiwoo pouted. 

“No. Tomorrow’s my birthday.” 

Her roommates gasped. “Holy, why didn’t you tell us before? Well, it doesn't matter, we’re definitely going! We’ll party until the sun rises!” Jiwoo threw her arms in the air, making a smile appear on Chaewon’s lips. 

"That’s amazing! I'm gonna call Haseul and tell them to come with us!" Sooyoung fetched her phone from her pocket. 

“I will call a friend too, her birthday was a few days ago, maybe we can all party together,” Chaewon added, feeling actually excited. 

“The more the merrier!” 

\--- 

Even though it was her birthday, Chaewon still had classes, and she couldn’t slack off from her studies because of that. She was already going to the party later, anyway. And going out on a Friday night to have fun with her friends and forget about her problems. Seemed great! 

What could go wrong? 

Chaewon didn't know if that was a tasteless joke, or the whole universe was against her, but Son Hyejoo had just walked in the party, followed by Jungeun, Jinsol, and _Choerry__. _

"Jiwoo." Chaewon turned to her friend, or enemy, she didn't know anymore. "Why did you call Hyejoo? I thought I was supposed to clear my head. It’s not the first time you do this." 

"What?" Jiwoo frowned, her eyes wandering around. "I didn't do it." 

"I did!" Yeojin, Haseul’s roommate said, waving at the group. "Choerry!" 

The four of them turned and Hyejoo met Chaewon's eyes, her eyebrows and corner of her lips raising. 

"Gowon.” Hyejoo stood in front of her. "I didn't expect to find you here." 

"Me neither," Chaewon blurted. 

"You don't seem happy to see me." 

_More like to see __Choerry__. _

Why was she feeling like this all of a sudden about her again, though? 

"I-I thought you were more of a bar type." Chaewon gulped. 

"Why, you don’t fancy me a dancer?" Hyejoo winked at her. "What about you?" 

Should she tell her it was her birthday? 

"Sooyoung and Jiwoo invited me to come with them, so why not." Chaewon tried to sound casual. 

"And what a good decision you took. I'm gonna go grab a drink, want something?" 

A drink to forget the fact that the whole point of that night, and her birthday, was ruined? 

"Uh, no, thank you. At least not yet." 

Hyejoo nodded and walked towards the bar, as Chaewon turned and closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. 

Sooyoung rubbed her arm and pulled her into their conversation so she wouldn't be left alone in her misery. 

As they were introducing themselves to Chaewon, she found out Haseul was Jiwoo’s senior in her major, and Yeojin was Choerry’s best friend. Yeojin was the youngest among of all them, and by her best friend's words, "She's a fucking prodigy man. Engineering senior at Harvard by age 19?! Only Im Yeojin." 

"I'm sure it has happened before, though," Jungeun said. 

"How can you be so sure, was it you?" Choerry looked at Jungeun, her cheeks puffing as she glared at her. 

“No, I don’t give a shit about Engineering. I’m on a mission to be the sexiest accountant in existence.” Jungeun shrugged. “I don’t have to be top of the class for that.” 

“Pretty sure there’s been people younger than me graduating here, though,” Yeojin said. 

“Don’t downplay your achievements, Yeojin!” Choerry patted her back and turned to the others. “She’s just too humble, unlike some other people.” 

“It’s not as if Jungeun has no reason to brag, or something.” Jiwoo wiggled her eyebrows at Jungeun. 

“Yep.” Haseul high-fived Jiwoo. 

Jungeun, who had previously looked so confident, was now stuttering for an answer. She was saved by the sound of mic feedback. 

"Ladies and gentlemen!" A loud and piercing voice echoed in the room, making both girls look ahead to where a man spoke in the mic. "Welcome to our Friday salsa night! We're about to start the real fun, so find your partner and get ready!" 

_A-A what?_

When Chaewon looked to her side, she found Hyejoo right next to her, so close their arms touched. She met her eyes that were already on her, as Hyejoo smiled. 

The nonexistent distance between them made Chaewon's knees wobble. Hyejoo wore that red lipstick that made her lips even more beautiful and kis- 

"May I have the honor of having you as my partner?" 

Chaewon heard Choerry’s voice. Hyejoo accepted her request, giving Chaewon a wink before pulling Choerry to the center of the dance floor. 

For real? Did Hyejoo accept it without even asking Chaewon if she wanted to be her partner for whatever was going to happen? 

She watched as Jungeun approached Jiwoo, asking her the same question. Chaewon could swear she saw Jungeun's eyebrow twitch when Jiwoo said she already was with Sooyoung. 

"Wanna dance?" Jungeun asked her, and for a second Chaewon wondered if she should accept. 

"S-Sorry Jungeun, I don't dance." 

If it wasn't with Hyejoo, she wouldn't. 

Chaewon observed as Jungeun walked to Haseul and extended her a hand. Haseul smiled and accepted her request, letting Jungeun guide her to the dance floor. 

And that was how Chaewon ended up alone on the night of her birthday. She wanted to have fun with her friends, but they were the ones having fun dancing with each other. Great. 

"Chaewon!" She turned at the call. 

Was that the savior her Lord sent to save her, by the name of Kim Hyunjin? 

"Oh, Hyunjin." Chaewon almost ran to her. "I have company now, thank you so much." 

"Weren't you coming with your roommates?" 

"Yes, but look at them dancing and completely forgetting I exist." Chaewon pouted. "And you, came alone?" 

"Well, actually." Hyunjin bit back a grin, scratching her neck and looking around. "No, but she’ll be right here, she went to the toilet. How are you and Hyejoo and-- isn’t that her?” 

“Dancing with Choerry? Yes. Can you believe it? I just wanted to have fun and forget about everything for a while and she’s here?” 

“Well, seems like destiny’s trying to tell you something.” 

Chaewon sighed. “I still don’t know what to do. I’m still as confused as I was, maybe even more.” 

“Did you ask her to dance?” 

Chaewon opened her mouth to answer but was interrupted. 

“Hi.” A voice Chaewon had never heard said, but as she turned to her, she recognized the beautiful girl Hyunjin went on a date with. 

"Oh, here you are. Chaewon, this is Heejin," Hyunjin said, and Chaewon gave her a quick bow. "My girlfriend." 

Hyunjin grabbed Heejin's hand and shot the biggest ear to ear grin Chaewon had seen on her face, almost squealing. Heejin smiled, looking down and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. They looked so cute they seemed like a couple from a drama. 

"Omo, c-congrats!" The date went well, Chaewon could see. "You look great together." 

"I think so too," Heejin said, making Hyunjin's face go red in a second. 

“It’s perfect, right? Like she’s the beautiful and girlish, while I’m the cool and-” 

“And the crybaby.” 

“Yah, Jeon Heejin, why are you exposing me like that?” 

“She’s also the lame one, and-” 

“I have a reputation to keep!” Hyunjin placed a finger on her lips, her face getting even redder, making Chaewon giggle at the scene. 

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.” Chaewon winked at Heejin, and Hyunjin whined. 

“Let’s dance?” Heejin asked her girlfriend, who looked at Chaewon. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be fine. I’ll grab a drink or something.” She smiled at them. “Have fun.” 

Chaewon walked towards the bar to ask for a drink, but she poured herself a glass of water instead. 

She leaned against the wall, a long sigh escaping her lips. A few seconds later, a random guy approached and asked her to dance with him. She refused, as polite as she could be, and frowned when he turned around. Did people ask strangers to dance like that? 

She asked herself what she was doing there. While Sooyoung and Jiwoo, the ones who suggested the idea, had the time of their lives, dancing and kissing in the middle of the dance floor, she was abandoned. She should have stayed home. At least she would be studying and doing something productive. 

Her eyes scanned her surroundings until she found Hyejoo still dancing with Choerry. Chaewon didn't like how that made her feel. 

Why did everything have to go bad for her on her birthday, and when she was supposed to go out and have fun? 

She was about to walk outside, but Hyejoo stepped in front of her. 

"Having fun?" She teased. 

"Tons." Chaewon rolled her eyes. 

"Wanna dance?" 

"Nah, you can go back to Choerry, I bet she's missing you already." 

"Holy shit, did it work?" Hyejoo widened her eyes. 

"What?" 

"Did it work? You’re jealous?" 

Chaewon stared up at her. "Are you serious, Son Hyejoo?" 

"Yes!" Hyejoo jumped like a little kid excited to get a lollipop. "It was genius, right?" 

Chaewon scoffed. "Are you ten?" 

Hyejoo shrugged. "At least it worked. I could see it in your face." 

"What if you're right?" 

Hyejoo laughed and leaned on the wall next to her, their arms touching, making Chaewon look at her again. 

"I know I am," Hyejoo said. "And you seem bored to death." 

"Because I am. This was a bad idea. Sooyoung and Jiwoo were the ones telling me to come tonight so I could clear up my mind, but look at them, they're the ones having fun." 

"To clear up your mind?" 

Chaewon held her breath. "I-I mean, some time to have fun and not think about..." 

"Are you trying to forget about it?" Hyejoo asked, her voice becoming lower under the loud music. 

"No! I don't want to forget about it, that's not what I meant." 

"Then, what is it? I don't wanna push it, Gowon, I just want to understand if I can help." 

"I don't know, that's the problem." Chaewon gulped. "I don't know what to do, to think, I don't know what can help, I sound like a broken record and it's frustrating." 

"Let me try to help." Hyejoo stepped in front of her and closed the distance between their bodies, pushing Chaewon against the wall. "You can't forget about it, you still think about it, you liked it, and you want it again. Am I right?" 

Chaewon always felt like her knees would collapse every time Hyejoo towered over her, looking down at her with such intensity in her eyes. And she felt even more frustrated because that was all true and there was no way she could deny it. 

Groaning in frustration, she grabbed Hyejoo's hands. 

"Let's get out of here." She walked towards the exit, pushing her way through the sea of people and dragging Hyejoo with her. 

"Where?" 

"Your house." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much for taking time to think about everything, Chaewon... c':
> 
> 2jin is official now and the last characters, Haseul and Yeojin joined the story! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and thank you so much for your constant support and comments, I makes me so happy to know that not only you're enjoying it, but you also can relate to it ^-^
> 
> And I wonder what's gonna happen next....... kekekeke


	12. Notification

For now, Chaewon would follow everyone's advice - to do what made her happy. 

Having her body glued to Hyejoo's made her happy. Having her lips moving against hers made her happy. So, she was doing what was right... _right? _

Chaewon pulled away and let her head lean back until it hit the door, taking a deep breath, or else she thought she would faint. She then looked at the also panting Hyejoo, and when her eyes scanned her features, she laughed. 

"W-What's funny?" Chaewon frowned. 

"I think I'm an artist, you should see the lipstick masterpiece that's your face." 

"Yah, Son Hyejoo!" She shrieked, but when she looked better, Hyejoo also had red lipstick smudged all around her lips. 

"I didn't know this would happen. If I knew, I wouldn't have worn this lipstick. Come, let's get ourselves cleaned." 

Hyejoo grabbed her hand and walked to her room. As Chaewon followed her, she couldn’t help but go red in the face at the memories that came back to her. _Of what had happened in that bed. _

"Sit," Hyejoo said, and Chaewon complied. "Stay quiet." 

With a wet cotton pad, Hyejoo cleaned her face in soft circular movements. Chaewon stared at how her eyebrows knitted together in focus, at how her cute cheeks puffed, at those lips that she would never get tired of staring at, and suddenly that situation seemed very familiar. 

"You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad," Chaewon said, making Hyejoo stop and meet her eyes. 

"I think I know that song." The corner of her lips raised. "Written by the incredible Son Hyejoo, dedicated to a certain gorgeous girl named Park Chaewon." 

She stayed quiet, because, how did one answer that? 

"All right, you're done." Hyejoo threw the cotton pad away, and without warning, she sat on Chaewon's lap, with a leg on each her side. "Now, where were we?" 

Chaewon didn't have time to react when Hyejoo's lips crashed against hers in another intense kiss, one she could barely keep up with, because Hyejoo's hands were already all over her, creeping down to snake under her sweater and scratch her back. 

As she felt bold hands dragging her sweater up, Chaewon broke the kiss. 

"W-Wait." 

"Sorry, am I going too fast?" 

"No, it's not that. It's just..." Chaewon avoided her eyes, not knowing how she should ask it. "Hyejoo, w-what am I to you? Am I another one for you to have your fun with and throw away?" 

Hyejoo pursued her lips, and Chaewon was about to apologize when she stood up and lent her a hand. 

"Let's lay down," Hyejoo whispered. 

Chaewon rolled to face Hyejoo, gulping. 

"It's true that I used to sleep around a lot," Hyejoo said. "When I fought with my father, when I felt down, I thought it would help to use my looks and flirt skills to get girls to sleep with. I'm not proud of it. It didn’t actually help. It was fun while it happened, but after it was over, it was back to reality again. Then rinse and repeat." She laughed at herself. "But that doesn't mean I can't love and settle for someone," she continued, and Chaewon gulped. "I dated two times, and they were both shitty experiences. The first time she told me she wasn't sure about all the liking girls thing and broke up with me. The second time my father found out, freaked out, hit me, and said that if I didn't break up with her, he would kick me out. I had no choice since I was in high school." 

What else did Hyejoo go through? 

"But it's different now. We're far from the judgmental eyes of everyone else, we have tons of supportive friends, my father wouldn't even know. I don't want to sleep around with you, Gowon. You're way more than that. Each day that goes by, the more I'm sure that I-" Hyejoo paused, and it seemed like time stopped with her. "That I really-" 

"Don't say that," Chaewon blurted. "Not now. I don’t know how I can answer whatever you’re going to say yet." 

Hyejoo nodded. "I hope that time comes, then. And Gowon." She held her hands, pulling them close to their chests. "I'll never push you into anything. I'll wait, and let's do this at your pace and in a way that makes you comfortable. You're my priority." 

Ever since she knew Hyejoo, she had judged her for so many things that didn't even matter anymore. Because what if she smoked or drank, when she was this honest and considerate? The way her voice sounded so sincere, the eyes that only proved Chaewon how true every word she had said was. 

Chaewon brought Hyejoo's hands to her lips, then to her chest. "I think I might fall for you." She admitted, even to herself, for the first time, fighting the fear that still haunted her. 

"Nothing would make me happier than that." 

“How do such cheesy things come out of such a swearing mouth like yours?” 

“Great question. Do you want me to stop swearing? I can do that for you if that means you’ll like me more.” 

Chaewon giggled. “No, I don’t want you to change a thing. It’s part of you, it’s something that makes you unique and who you are, and I like the Son Hyejoo that I know.” 

“Wow.” Hyejoo chuckled, but her face had gotten a different shade of pink. “This is becoming way too lame.” 

“Oh, you don’t like when I say lame things? Okay, I won’t.” 

“N-No! I do, but I don’t like it when I get flustered. It’s embarrassing.” Hyejoo looked away. 

“I think it’s cute.” 

“C-Cute?” Hyejoo widened her eyes. 

“Yes. What, nobody ever told you you’re cute?” 

“I’m cute?” 

“Now you’re doing that on purpose so I say it again.” 

“Damn it…” Hyejoo mumbled under her breath, making Chaewon laugh. 

“I know you enough, Hyejoo. But it’s okay, I’m feeling generous, so I don’t mind saying again that you’re cute. Not only that, but you’re also beautiful, and funny, and-" 

Lips shushed Chaewon, as she smiled into the kiss and hands cupped her cheeks. 

“Have you taken a look at yourself, Gowon? You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I’m not exaggerating. You have this smile that makes my knees weak and there are times that my heart beats faster just because you’re next to me. And your kisses? Pff, puts every other one to shame. Not to mention-“ 

“Okay, enough.” Her chest was about to explode. 

“Did I make Gowon flustered?” Hyejoo smirked. 

“Yes, and I’m not used to this, so let’s skip this part for now, yes? You already made it up for me.” 

“Hm? Made it up for what?” 

“Dancing with Choerry and almost ruining my birthday.” 

Hyejoo’s eyes bulged. “B-Birthday? Today’s your birthday?” Chaewon nodded, biting back a laugh. “No, it’s not, you’re pulling me a prank.” 

“Do you want me to go get my ID?” 

“Holy shit, it’s so close to mine, what are the chances? And I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Hyejoo rested her hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her lips. “Happy birthday, Gowon. I don’t think it’s too late to give you a birthday present.” 

Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows, supporting herself on her elbow, but Chaewon pushed her down and rolled over her. “Yes, but I get to choose it.” 

“Whoa, Park Chaewon is a top? I think I found my new favorite thing.” Hyejoo wrapped her arms around her torso to glue their bodies together, biting on her lip. 

“I’m a what?” Chaewon aimed for her neck, recalling what Hyejoo did the last time and mimicking it, leaving a trail of kisses. 

“Nevermind.” Hyejoo laughed through her gasps. 

“Good. Now, be quiet.” 

“Chaewon giving me orders? This is too good to be true.” 

“Be quiet, I said.” Chaewon dug her nails on Hyejoo's shoulder. 

A low fit of swears left Hyejoo’s mouth in a hoarse breathing before Chaewon stopped it with a heated kiss. 

The feeling of being under control was new to her, but she enjoyed it, more than she would ever expect. She didn’t care if she would feel ashamed the next day. She had to take advantage of her own weakest moments, _or strongest, she didn’t know,_ to let herself be one with Hyejoo again, and surrender to the addictive taste of cherry and tobacco that was her lips. 

She would blame it on the addicting components of the cigarettes Hyejoo smoked. They’d been passed on to her through saliva... or something. 

\--- 

The morning light crept through the window, hitting Chaewon's face. She moved without opening her eyes, her arm touching warm skin under the blankets. The memories from last night flashed in her mind. But she didn't feel embarrassed like she thought she would and let the small smile creep on her lips. 

She opened her eyes at last, only because she wanted to look at Hyejoo and her peaceful sleeping features. She had to stop herself from leaning forward and kiss her cheek because she didn't want to wake her up, not just yet. 

And that made Chaewon wonder what time was it. Throwing an arm back, she searched for her phone on the nightstand, bringing it close and lighting up the screen. 

It was not her phone that she grasped, but Hyejoo's. Why did everyone have the same iPhones nowadays? 

But the time didn't matter anymore. Not when there was a notification Chaewon wished she hadn't seen. 

_[__Ryujin__] _   
_I miss you so much baby, when are you coming back? _

Chaewon felt like the most stupid, ridiculous, and ashamed person alive at that moment. 

She couldn't believe she fought so many battles and went through so much for someone who just wanted to play around, and on top of that, lied to her. 

She looked at Hyejoo one last time, fighting the tears that wanted to break free, and got up from the bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ ***runs*** _


	13. Taken

"What are you doing?" 

Chaewon froze, her hand on the front doorknob. 

"Why are you leaving so early?" Hyejoo asked with a sleepy voice. 

Couldn't she wake up ten seconds later? But now that she was awake, Chaewon wouldn't run away. She wouldn't be the one to pity. 

"Who's Ryujin?" She turned to find Hyejoo leaning on the door that led to her room. 

Hyejoo's eyes widened in a split second as she ran back inside her room, coming back with her phone in hands. 

"This fucking..." Hyejoo cursed, grasping her phone. "And why did you go through my phone?" 

"I didn't, I just wanted to see the time. We have the same phone, it was dark, I thought it was mine, and the notification was right there. Can you tell me who she is?" 

Hyejoo sighed. "One of the girls I slept with a couple times. She became obsessed with me and hasn’t stopped trying to reach me. Here." She extended her phone. "See for yourself. There's the whole conversation, it's only messages from her. The last thing I told her was that I’d be coming here and wouldn’t be seeing her again." 

Chaewon hesitated, but took a step closer and grabbed her phone, studying Hyejoo's expression before doing it. She scrolled up, reading the tons of messages from that girl, all without a single answer, except for a couple of messages right at the beginning, where Hyejoo had asked her to stop. 

Chaewon wanted to vanish. She had, once again, jumped into conclusions and judgments about something she was wrong about in all the possible ways. 

"I-I'm sorry, Hyejoo, I didn't want to be intrusive or sound bossy." 

"I don't have anything to hide from you so, it's okay. I'm sorry that you had to see it without any context. I don't want you to have a wrong idea of me." 

"I... When I read that, I thought you had lied and I felt cheated. And on top of that, I felt like a second choice to someone else you were hurting along the way." 

She expected Hyejoo to be mad or hurt after her honesty, but instead, she embraced Chaewon into a tight hug. 

"I would never do that to you, and everything I said yesterday was from the bottom of my heart. I hope you can trust me and I'll do everything I can so you never have to doubt a thing." 

As Chaewon wrapped her arms around Hyejoo's torso, she wondered if she would ever stop surprising her. 

"Answer her," Hyejoo said, pulling away. Chaewon chuckled but realized Hyejoo was serious when she stuffed her phone into her hands again. "Tell her all you’re feeling inside." 

After staring at Hyejoo for a couple seconds, she nodded and looked down, wondering what to write. She would keep it simple, short, and straightforward. 

"Done." Chaewon gave her phone back. 

"This is Park Chaewon, you can stop sending messages because Son Hyejoo is taken by none other than me." Hyejoo's eyebrows rose higher as she read it. "Wow, s-should I be scared? And I’m t-taken?" 

Chaewon irked an eyebrow with a smirk. "And I'm the tsundere." 

"What?" 

"Son Hyejoo is flustered again." Chaewon booped her nose. "I can always see it." 

"Yah, will you stop that?" 

"Maybe, maybe not." 

Hyejoo pouted. "Can I get a good morning kiss?" 

Chaewon smiled and cupped her cheeks, tiptoeing to attend her request. 

"I could get used to this," Hyejoo said, but shook her head. "Sorry, I don't wanna sound like I'm suggesting anything or pushing-" 

"I know, don't worry. Don't stop yourself from doing or saying anything because you think it's going to make me feel uncomfortable. Be yourself, and if I don't feel comfortable, I'll let you know, okay? Just like if it happens to you." 

"I don't think you would ever make me uncomfortable." 

"We never know, so please let's be honest with each other, yes?" 

Hyejoo nodded. "Wanna do something today? Go somewhere or call the others?" 

"I have a study session with Hyunjin in the afternoon, but I guess I'm free until then." 

"Is Hyunjin that cute girl that you were talking to yesterday at the party?" 

"Which one?" 

"The smaller one." 

"That's Heejin, Hyunjin's girlfriend." 

"Oh, more members for our council! I saw them talking with Haseul and Yeojin. Do we all know each other? Let's call them the next time we go out." 

Chaewon nodded and then crossed her arms. "You're fast to catch on to pretty girls." 

"Why, you jealous again?" Hyejoo smirked. "I could have all the pretty girls in the world in front of me, but I only want the prettiest." 

Chaewon shook her head, chuckling. "You don’t take a rest on being lame, do you? It’s so early." 

"Every time is lame o’clock to me." 

"Okay, now I know exactly when I should count on you to be lame. Very helpful." 

\--- 

Chaewon didn’t move from the couch as the front door opened and her roommates let themselves in. 

“Oh dear.” Sooyoung gasped, rushing to Chaewon. “What happened now? You spent the night at Hyejoo’s?” 

“Yeeeesssss…” Chaewon dragged her voice, as she raised her head. 

“What… What is that silly grin?” Jiwoo frowned, pointing at her. “Either something good happened or she’s gone mad for good.” 

“Hyejoo… She’s such a good person.” 

Sooyoung and Jiwoo shared a wide-eyed look. 

“Yep, she’s gone mad.” 

“Are you okay?” Sooyoung asked. 

“She said I’m not just someone to sleep around, she told me she would wait for me and that I’m her priority. And then we-” She stopped, remembering what happened next. 

“And then you had sex again.” Jiwoo plopped next to her girlfriend. 

“Jiwoo! Don’t say it like that!” Sooyoung turned to her and slapped her arm. 

“Yes, that’s what happened,” Chaewon said. 

Her roommates turned to her with dropped chins. 

“And you’re not freaking out about it?” 

“No. That’s good… isn’t it?” 

“Yes!” Sooyoung hugged her. “Do you wanna explain what you’re feeling?” 

“And some details?” Jiwoo wiggled her eyebrows. 

“I’m happy. Hyejoo makes me happy. I love being with her, she makes me feel good, and it makes me feel happy that I also make her feel good and happy.” 

“You must be really happy, you never said the word happy so many times in a row before.” Jiwoo nodded. 

Chaewon smiled, playing with her hands on her lap. “There’s just this one thing.” 

“What is it? Let it all out.” Sooyoung grabbed her hands. 

“How will I tell my parents that I’m having... this... with a girl? And... even though I’m trying to accept myself, it still goes against my beliefs.” 

“You don’t have to tell your parents if you’re not ready. Your religion and beliefs don’t need to interfere with your sexuality, Chaewon,” Sooyoung said. “But now that you’re on the path of accepting yourself... Why don’t you try coming to a club meeting with me and Jiwoo?” 

Jiwoo hit her arm. “That's a great idea!” 

“So, there’s this thing we go to every week which is the Harvard LGBT Youth Club,” Sooyoung explained. “You can meet more people who went through the same as we did. We also have a few people there who are religious and might understand what you’re feeling better than we do. There are a lot of people like us supporting each other and working together to raise awareness for our cause among our community.” 

Chaewon nodded. “I-I’ll think about it. Thank you, guys, for real.” 

\--- 

“KICK THE BALL YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Hyejoo yelled at the television with a beer can on her hand. “Fucking dumbass.” 

Chaewon had never seen her so nervous and swearing so much. It was just a football game. 

“Oh, my fucking g-” Hyejoo cleared her throat, stealing a glance at Chaewon. “Fucking shit. I don’t know what in the world they’re doing, they can’t lose this game.” 

“Is it that important?” 

“Of course!” Hyejoo seemed almost offended. “If we lose this, we’re at risk of not making the championship. And we can’t lose against the fucking Eagles- YES! THAT’S IT, SHOW THEM HOW THE PATRIOTS DO, BRADY! That fucking man is amazing, I tell you, the best player in the whole world.” 

“I don’t really understand how it works, but I believe you.” 

“Are you bored?” 

“No, I’m okay. Don’t get too nervous, yes?” 

“I’ll try. It’s almost over, though, we just got a small advantage.” 

Chaewon watched as Hyejoo cheered when her team scored. When the game was over, she jumped from the couch, spilling a bit of beer on herself in the process. 

“I wish I could see my father’s face right now!” 

“Your father?” Chaewon frowned. 

Hyejoo sat again. “He’s always been a big fan of football, and he always cheered for the Eagles. There was this time I was watching a game with him just because, and the Eagles lost against the Patriots. He got so angry he hit me.” 

“Oh my God.” Chaewon dropped her chin. “He hit you because of a football game?” 

“Yep, because I laughed. Since then I rooted for the Patriots and hated the Eagles, that’s why I was so nervous about this game.” 

Chaewon shifted closer and rest her head on Hyejoo’s shoulder. She held her hand and caressed her palm. “You never deserved any of that. Why did you have to go through that?” 

Hyejoo looked down at her. “Hey, are you sad?” 

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to bring the mood down.” 

“It’s okay, you don’t need to be sorry. I’m fine, really.” 

“How can you? Every time you tell me about another thing he did, the more I want to protect you and show you I’m here for you and you don’t need to go through that alone.” 

There wasn’t an answer, so Chaewon looked up at her. “You know, sometimes I’m even afraid to ask something because it can be related to your father and I don’t want you to remember it.” 

“But it’s okay, you can ask or say whenever you feel like, I don’t have anything to hide from you. And actually, talking about it with you somehow helps.” There was a small smile on Hyejoo’s lips, as she stared at their locked hands. “It feels like you heal my bruises whenever I expose them.” 

Chaewon couldn't hold a short giggle, making Hyejoo look down at her. “What’s funny?” 

“It’s not funny, I’m sorry, I’m still not used to this deep Hyejoo.” Chaewon cleared her throat. “But… I’m glad and happy that I can help you. You know you can always talk to me if you’re feeling down, or even if you just need to talk about something.” 

“And you can always ask me anything. Is there anything you wanted to ask and didn’t before?” 

“Actually...” Chaewon touched Hyejoo’s left nostril, slow and caring, where a small line marked her skin. “How did you get this scar?” 

Hyejoo chuckled. “You’ve noticed it?” 

“How wouldn’t I after looking at you so many times and from this close?” 

Chaewon bit back a smile and decided not to tease Hyejoo for the color change in her cheeks. 

“Okay, fair.” Hyejoo cleared her throat. “I decided to pierce my nostril one day and my father hit me so hard the piercing cut through my skin.” 

“Dear God, Hyejoo...” Chaewon snuggled closer, hugging her around her waist. 

“It was a stupid idea anyway, I don’t know what I was thinking.” She laughed. “Anything else?” 

Chaewon opened her mouth but closed it. 

“Go ahead, it’s okay.” 

“The one in your leg.” 

Hyejoo frowned. “Oh, on the side of my thigh? No, that was not my father. That was in a car accident.” 

Chaewon gasped. “C-Car accident?” 

“Yes, not even a month after I got my license. I was careless, and it was my fault. I was driving over the speed limit and I didn’t see a car coming in an intersection, so it hit me from the left. The other driver didn’t get hurt because he was not driving too fast, it was a matter of timing, but I was left with that scar. It’s okay though, I don’t even remember I have it.” 

“That’s why you drive so carefully now.” 

“Yes, I learned my lesson. I don’t fuck around with safety when it comes to cars. I was lucky this scar was all I got from it.” 

“I don’t think I would even be able to drive again. You’re so brave.” Chaewon squeezed her body against hers. 

“You think so? Sometimes I don’t know if I’m brave or plain stupid.” 

Chaewon hit her arm. “Don’t say that, you’re not stupid. You’re just... carefree. And the more rules your father tried to impose on you, the more you wanted to break away and do things that would challenge them.” 

Hyejoo looked down at her. “Doctor Park Chaewon strikes again. I guess you’re right.” 

“I admire that.” 

“What?” 

“How you’re not afraid of going against some rules, and you still deal with the consequences. Like the night when you got your nose punched, you knew what could happen if you hit the guy first, but you still did it. Or how you still went to see your mother when you were strictly prohibited, knowing your father could find out and punish you.” 

“That’s why I don’t know if I’m just stupid.” 

“Maybe punching a guy was a bit too careless.” 

“Hey, he deserved it. And I'm glad I did, or else I wouldn’t end up in your dorm and sing you my so famous song dedicated to the gorgeous Park Chaewon.” 

Chaewon glared at her. “Don’t get hurt, okay?” 

“Yes, I don’t want to worry you.” Hyejoo kissed her forehead. “Anything else?” 

“I haven’t gotten an opportunity to ask about that.” Chaewon pointed at the flowerpot by the window. 

“Oh, that’s Nana, a white French rose.” Hyejoo smiled. “I was feeling lonely when we had our fight, so I thought about getting a pet, but that would be too much responsibility for me, and I eventually will leave, so a plant was a perfect idea. She’s pretty, isn’t she?” 

Yes, the rose was very pretty, but in Chaewon’s eyes, nothing could compare to Hyejoo. She knew Hyejoo asked her a question, but she was too stunned admiring her features. She found herself doing that some times, but she never got tired of doing so. How could she? When her eyes, _oh her eyes,_ looked at her with so much love and care, and her lips, _her weirdly beautiful __triangular__ shaped lips,_ smiled at her, that adorable gummy smile of hers, and it was all so cute Chaewon felt like crying. 

“Gowon?” Hyejoo pinched her nose. 

“You are so beautiful.” 

Hyejoo blinked, using all her might not to smile too wide, which resulted in her looking even more adorable. “I-I’ve been told.” 

“Okay, I won’t say it again then, since you already kn-” 

“No, I don’t! Me pretty? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Chaewon threw her a judgmental look. “Sure.” 

Hyejoo pouted. “But... Do you really mean it?” 

“Yes, of course. I do think you’re beautiful, Hyejoo. Why, do you doubt it?” 

“No, it’s just that, it doesn’t matter if other people tell me that. It matters that you think that way.” 

Chaewon smiled and leaned forward to kiss her lips, leaving Hyejoo red in the face. 

“You already know you’re gorgeous yourself, but I will tell you as many times as you wish.” Hyejoo caressed her cheek. 

“Actually, you never explained what cute-smirking-smile means.” 

Hyejoo laughed. “You remember that?” Chaewon nodded, irking an eyebrow at her, waiting for her explanation. “When you smile, the right side of your mouth rises above the left. It looks like you're always smirking.” 

Chaewon frowned and whined. 

“It’s cute!” Hyejoo hurried to held her, resting her head on her chest. “It’s adorable, and your smile is beautiful, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, I’m sorry.” 

“Okay, I believe you.” 

“For real?” Hyejoo looked up with puppy eyes, and it was impossible for Chaewon not to smile. 

“Yes.” 

Hyejoo pecked her lips, this time leaving Chaewon with her ears heating up. “Can I order some food for our dinner? Too lazy to cook.” Hyejoo fetched her phone from the table and snuggled on her chest again. 

“Go ahead.” 

There was silence while Hyejoo scrolled through her phone. Chaewon closed her eyes and allowed a smile to grow on her lips, because being with Hyejoo, spending time with her, talking, studying, or doing nothing at all was already enough. 

“Excited for the Thanksgiving party tomorrow?” Hyejoo asked. 

"Yeah. I hope everyone has a lot of fun.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAY THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER ENDED, I KNOW IT WAS CRUEL! But I wanted you guys to feel like Gowon did keke AND PLEASE DON'T HATE RYUJIN T^T
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and the big dose of fluff plus more about what Hyejoo went through. 
> 
> You can expect a big chapter for the Thanksgiving party, and I don't wanna spoil, but.. something big is coming kekeke LOOK FORWARD TO IT!!! 
> 
> Oh and, HAPPY HYEJOO DAY!!!!!! <3


	14. Thanksgiving

Chaewon was never a party person before coming to Harvard, so entering a hall filled with too many people and loud music still left her overwhelmed. 

“Free food!” Jiwoo gasped, seeing the tables filled with appetizers and finger food. “Nothing’s better than free food.” 

“I beg to differ, ‘cuz we have free drinks as well.” Hyejoo elbowed her, and they both let out loud mischievous chuckles. 

Chaewon sighed. “Just don’t drink with an empty stomach okay?” 

“Yes, you’re very right, I don’t wanna feel sick later.” 

Jiwoo dropped her chin. “Hyejoo listening to Chaewon so well without fighting back? What have you done to her?” 

“Oh, you have no idea.” Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows, earning an immediate swat on her arm from Chaewon. 

“Do tell!” Jiwoo clapped excitedly. 

“As much as this conversation has a lot of potential, this food has way more potential to fill my stomach and I’m starving.” Sooyoung grabbed Jiwoo’s hand. “And you’re coming with me.” 

Jiwoo whined cutely as she followed Sooyoung, but in the end Chaewon knew just how weak for food she was. 

“You okay?” Hyejoo grabbed her hand. 

“Y-Yeah, just, you know I’m not used to this kind of parties and such.” 

“If at any moment you want to leave, tell me, yeah? I won’t leave your side either, unless you want me to.” 

Chaewon smiled. “Of course not. Aren’t you hungry? I’m even hungrier now that I found out the food is free.” 

Hyejoo chuckled, leading her towards the food table. Jiwoo was already talking to a girl they didn’t know, and when she noticed who was there as well, it was too late, because their eyes had already met. 

“Chaewon! Didn’t expect to see you here.” 

“Oh, h-hi Professor Minatozaki, I can say the same.” 

The older woman laughed. Chaewon observed as her eyes wandered down, finding her hand still grabbing Hyejoo’s, who stood beside her with a smile. Chaewon retreated her hand and cleared her throat, feeling her face starting to burn way too fast. 

“It’s okay, you don’t need to be embarrassed, I’m very well accompanied myself tonight.” Professor Minatozaki pulled an even taller, stunning figure of a woman by her hand. “This is Zhou Tzuyu, my wife. She teaches some classes here as well.” 

Tzuyu greeted them and bowed, and there was no way Chaewon could hide her shock. She let her chin drop and stole a glance at Hyejoo, who was still smiling bright as the sun. 

“I’m glad you got yourself someone to cherish. You better treat her well, she’s an excellent student and a hard-working girl,” the professor told Hyejoo. 

“Of course, she deserves nothing else than my best.” 

Sana squealed and yanked on Tzuyu’s arm. “Remember when we were this age and moved to our new place closer to campus?” 

Tzuyu caressed her wife's arm and rested her head against hers, smiling coyly. 

It hadn’t been that long since Chaewon could say she was used to seeing a couple of two women, but right now, she had to fight back a squeal, seeing how in love they were. 

“Alright, we’ll get going, great seeing you, Chaewon! I wish you all the best. Don’t forget to keep working on your essay!” 

Chaewon nodded and bowed, then waited for them to walk away to let out a long breath. 

“This was interesting,” Hyejoo said, and Chaewon only nodded. “What does she teach?” 

“Social Psychology.” 

“Wow. She’s something else. But she’s very nice!” 

“Yeah, she’s a great teacher. I just… would never say she’s also…” 

“Gay?” Hyejoo finished, earning a small nod. “Well, as you can see, anyone can be. You never know. I mean, there are some people you can tell by the vibe they give out, like me for example.” 

“Why do you say that? I was very shocked when I found out about you. I would never say you were.” 

Hyejoo laughed. “I think I’m pretty obvious, I wear flannels all the time. I guess your gaydar doesn’t work yet.” 

“My what?” 

“Nothing, you’ll learn with time. Hey, Sooyoung, did you hear that?” Hyejoo called, and both her and Jiwoo turned to them, mouths filled with food. "Professor Zhou is Professor Minatozaki's wife." 

"Wait, what?" Sooyoung almost choked on her food. "Wife? They're married?!" 

"Yeah! Oh man, both you and Gowon have cool, gay teachers, and I'm stuck with those boring old men." Hyejoo pouted and crossed her arms. 

"You never know if one of them is gay." Jiwoo laughed. "And I don't have one either, not that I know about." 

"But at least yours are cool." 

Chaewon laughed along, but she was still thinking about her Professor. The more people like them she knew, the more she realized that age, job or background didn't matter at all when it comes to love. 

"Let's eat?" Hyejoo grabbed her hand. 

She nodded at Hyejoo and smiled. Little by little, it was becoming easier to accept herself and her true feelings. 

"I wonder where the fuck Lippie, Jinsol, and Choerry went,” Hyejoo said, and Chaewon scrunched her nose at the last name. “Hyunjin isn't coming?" She asked, placing one of each mini sandwich flavors on a plate. 

"She said she would be coming with Heejin." 

"Oh, there they are!” 

Chaewon turned and grinned, seeing Hyunjin approach with Heejin beside her. 

"Oh, Hyunjin!” Chaewon opened her arms and she rushed to hug her. 

“Having fun already?” Hyunjin asked, stealing a piece of food from Hyejoo’s plate. 

“We just arrived as well and came straight for the food.” Chaewon laughed. 

“Then, if we’re not a nuisance, we’re gonna join you.” 

“You’re not! Sooyoung and Jiwoo are with us too.” Chaewon looked back, and they were fighting over the last chicken wing. 

“They know that there’s gonna be more chicken wings, right?” Heejin asked, frowning. 

“Let them be, they’re happy like this. Let’s eat so I can finally drink.” Hyejoo walked towards them, taking the chicken wing from the tray. 

“Hey! That was mine!” Jiwoo tried to reach for Hyejoo’s hand, but too late. 

“No, it was mine!” Sooyoung pushed Jiwoo by her wrist, and she ended up in her arms, eyes finding each other and angry expressions melting. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll give you every chicken wing in the world,” Sooyoung said, hugging her even closer. 

“No, they’re all for you, baby.” 

Hyejoo faked a gag and approached, placing each of her hands on the back of their heads to bring them close. “That’s right, now kiss and shut up before I puke.” 

Chaewon shook her head, amused at Hyunjin and Heejin’s expression. 

“I deal with this on a daily basis. One second they’re bickering each other, the next they’re kissing.” She shrugged. 

“Is that allowed in here?” A new voice said, making them turn to it. Jungeun stood beside Sooyoung and Jiwoo, her intervention breaking their kiss. 

“Oh, Lippie!” Jiwoo cleared her throat. “Sorry, we got caught in the moment.” 

“It’s okay, Jungeun can’t stand watching anyone kissing because it makes her remember how sad her single life is.” Jinsol snickered. 

Jungeun exchanged a quick look with Haseul, and both girls’ cheeks changed color. Haseul excused herself and approached Hyunjin and Heejin. 

“I’m not worried, someone will come in due time.” Jungeun cleared her throat. “Something you can’t say about yourself.” 

“I can’t say that about myself because I’m single by choice. You know, I have plenty of options right now.” Jinsol flipped her hair and pretended to check out her nails. 

“Options? You talking about the food? I know right? There’s a lot of variety in here.” 

“Yah, wanna die-” 

“Stop fighting, you fucking idiots.” Hyejoo extended her plate, giving her food as a peace offering. “Where’s Choerry though?” 

_Why was __Choerry__ so important? _

“Handing out drinks.” 

“She’s working here tonight?” 

“Yep, said they would pay her double, didn’t even hesitate. Oh, look at her! Choerry!” 

“Our savior!” Hyejoo raised her arms in the air. “Bring us that precious beer or whatever alcohol you have there!” 

Chaewon scoffed, rolling her eyes, and after hearing a giggle from Hyejoo, she was sure she noticed. 

“Good evening, ladies.” Choerry joined them, blinding them with one of her smiles. She looked like a high-class waitress, with her apron by her waist and holding a tray with several filled glasses. 

“That shit looks heavy, let me help.” Hyejoo took two glasses, giving one to Jinsol, and grabbing more to give the others. “It’s a shame you’re working and can’t dance with me tonight.” 

Choerry giggled and shook her head. “I don’t think you need to waste your flirting on me anymore.” She winked at her, smiling at Chaewon afterward. “I’ll be back soon with more drinks to satisfy your thirst, ladies. Enjoy your night.” 

Choerry turned and left to continue her job, as the others scattered, some to get more food, others to dance or chat. 

“She’s not dumb,” Hyejoo said, standing in front of Chaewon and giving her the last glass she took for her. 

“Neither am I.” Chaewon held the glass, looking at the liquid inside. “What’s this even?” 

“Looks like champagne.” Hyejoo took a sip. “Yep. Try it, it’s very sweet.” 

Chaewon brought the glass to her lips and tasted it first, then took a large gulp. "Did you mean it?" 

"What?" 

"What you told Choerry." 

Hyejoo chuckled. "Didn't you just say you're not dumb? No, I didn't. Why would I want to dance with her when I have you in front of me?" She brought their bodies together, an arm around her waist. 

Chaewon looked around, but everyone was minding their own business. 

"You did that the last time." 

"I know it was a low move, but that was on purpose. I won't do it again." 

"Please don't, not only for me but for her as well. You might hurt her feelings." 

"She doesn't like me in that way, she just wanted to have another night with me." 

"I get why." 

Both girls widened their eyes. 

"Wow, Park Chaewon, mind elaborating?" Hyejoo pulled Chaewon's body impossibly closer to hers, earning a gulp from her. 

"S-Shut up. You know perfectly well what I mean," she mumbled, avoiding her eyes. 

"But I would love to hear it, you know." 

"So you get cocky about it? I'll pass." Chaewon took a sip of her drink. 

"Okay, so instead of telling me, why won't you show me later?" Hyejoo whispered near her ear, feeling a grip on her shoulder. 

"Y-Yah, Son Hyejoo." Chaewon took a hoarse breath, sure Hyejoo heard it. 

"I really want to kiss you right now." Hyejoo's deep voice sent chills down Chaewon's spine. 

In a hall filled with people, it was just the two of them at that moment, and all Chaewon wanted to do was attend Hyejoo's wish. If Sooyoung and Jiwoo could do it, if professor Minatozaki could hold her wife's hand with pride, why couldn't Chaewon kiss her? She could and she would, because she wanted to. 

As a waiter passed by, Chaewon put her glass on the tray he carried, so she could rest a hand on the back of Hyejoo's neck. The other remained on her shoulder, in case Chaewon's knees decided to go weak as she pulled Hyejoo closer for a kiss, as deep and intense as Hyejoo loved. 

"Wanna go outside?" Hyejoo asked after kissing her neck. 

Chaewon gave her a smirk and grabbed her hand, leading the way. 

The cold night breeze hit their faces without mercy. 

"Fucking cold." Hyejoo squeezed Chaewon's hand, looking around and pulling her somewhere quieter than the entrance filled with people smoking. "A cigarette wouldn't be so bad now." 

"Go ahead." 

"Nah, I'm with you, I don't need it now. Why don't we go to my house?" 

"Already? I thought you wanted to enjoy the party and drink more." 

"Yeah, but getting drunk with your kisses seems like a way better choice," Hyejoo whispered, slowly pushing Chaewon against the wall. 

"Can you get any cheesier than that?" Chaewon circled her arms around her waist. 

"If you want me to." 

Chaewon giggled and her eyes wandered around for a second. It was enough for them to find something she couldn't not stare at now, with a deep frown creasing her features. Hyejoo tilted her head in confusion and looked back, trying to find whatever Chaewon was looking at. 

"What... What are they doing?" Chaewon asked, observing as Jungeun rested her arm around Jiwoo’s shoulders, bringing her closer and whispering something in her ear, making Jiwoo giggle and rest her forehead against Jungeun’s. They were best friends, but... 

"Oh shit," Hyejoo muttered. "Why are they here? Damn, if that brat even dares appear in front of me later, she’ll regret it." She pulled Chaewon back inside. “First she was banging Jinsol, then Haseul, saying it helped her forget...” 

“Jinsol and Haseul, what?!” Chaewon almost shouted. 

“Jinsol ever since they met at the beginning of the semester, they kept it casual. With Haseul since salsa night. They were drunk, there was chemistry, boom. Thing is, Jungeun likes Jiwoo.” 

Chaewon's eyes went huge. "But she knows she's with Sooyoung! And they’ve been best friends for so long, how did that happen?" 

"Jungeun likes her since before they even got here.” Hyejoo sighed. “But I didn’t think she would actually try? Or at least like this. She’s not being honest, and I’m pretty sure Jiwoo is completely in the dark and she has no idea what she’s feeding because she’s just that clingy with everyone. I'll talk to Jungeun and try to put some sense in that fucking empty head of hers." 

"But it's unfair, Sooyoung should know!" 

"What should I know?" Sooyoung’s voice froze Chaewon's body and breath. _Did she hear it all?! _

"That there are more chicken wings. I'm sure I saw a waiter replace the tray just now." Hyejoo pointed in a random direction into the crowd. “There they are.” 

"Oh, I'm full now, but thank you. By the way, have you guys seen Jiwoo? She disappeared a bit ago while I went to grab some drinks." 

"No, we went outside to get some air, so we didn't see her," Hyejoo said. 

"Maybe I'll do the same, it's getting hot in here." 

"No!" Chaewon and Hyejoo stepped in front of her, earning a frown from Sooyoung. 

"It's cold outside, like really fucking cold, we didn't even stay there for more than a couple minutes. You might get sick, and besides, we didn’t see Jiwoo there so she’s somewhere around here for sure. Why don't we go get a drink? It's on me." Hyejoo circled her arm around Sooyoung’s shoulders. 

"Hyejoo, are you drunk already? The drinks are free tonight." 

"Fuck, you're right! How could I forget? Then one more reason we should go get one, or two, or three!" She dragged Sooyoung further into the crowd. 

Chaewon followed behind, still wondering about how could Hyejoo come up with lies so easily. She could only guess it was something she learned to do because of her father. 

"Oh, there she is!" Sooyoung said when she looked back. She raised an arm, waving at her. "Hey, Jiwoo!" 

But she didn't seem to have heard Sooyoung, because she kept on walking and smiling at Jungeun, with her arm around her waist. 

Chaewon turned to Sooyoung and the look on her face made her heart clench. 

"Did she not hear me?" She forced a laugh, walking in their direction. 

"H-Hey, Sooyoung-" Hyejoo tried to stop her, only to get her hand swatted away as she took hurried steps through the crowd to get to them. 

"Dear Lord." Chaewon looked up, then felt a hand on hers, pulling her. 

Even with Sooyoung right in front of them, Jungeun didn't move an inch, keeping the same nonexistent distance between her and Jiwoo. 

"Where were you? I went to grab a drink for us and you disappeared," Sooyoung said, not minding to hide the annoyance in her voice. 

"I went outside," Jiwoo said. 

"With Jungeun." 

"Yes, she came to talk to me when I was waiting." Jiwoo frowned. “What’s wrong with it? I’m sorry I took long and disappeared but--” 

Sooyoung scoffed. "You tell me what’s wrong." 

"What are you trying to say?" 

"Maybe Jungeun would like to explain." 

Jungeun’s throat bobbed and her eyebrows twitched. "E-Explain what?" 

"C'mon, can both of you stop playing dumb and explain what's going on?! I saw you come in with Jungeun’s hand by your waist. I know you’re friends, but I’ve been watching things like this happening and I just want you to tell me what’s going on once and for all!” Sooyoung exploded. 

Chaewon squeezed Hyejoo's hand, not knowing if she should step in, but even if she wanted to, she had her feet glued to the floor. 

"Nothing's going on, Sooyoung. Jungeun invited me to go outside and I thought it was a good idea to get some air. And like you said, we’re friends, why are you suddenly seeing things when it’s never been an issue?" 

A vein popped out on Sooyoung’s temple from how hard she clenched her jaw. 

"Seeing things? You disappearing out of the blue, curiously while I went to grab drinks for us, and also curiously with someone that seemed pretty interested in going with you." Sooyoung stared at the hand that was still on Jiwoo’s waist, then stared right into Jungeun’s eyes. “Jungeun, if you have something to say, be straightforward and say it, instead of being a coward and going behind our backs. Maybe Jiwoo really just isn’t seeing what I see, but I think you’re well aware of what you’re doing, and you've been taking advantage of that.” 

Again, Jungeun gulped, and Jiwoo frowned even deeper, as she pulled away. 

“What is she talking about, Lip? Behind our backs? What’s going on?” 

“Yes, Jungeun. What’s going on?” Sooyoung glared at them before she turned around and left, and Chaewon swore she saw her eyes shining. 

“I-I’m sorry!” Jungeun also turned, but Hyejoo was fast enough to hold her arm. 

“Running away now, you coward? Don’t you think it’s time to put your shit together and stop this crap?” Hyejoo’s voice was so powerful even Chaewon shrank in fear. 

“Let me go!” 

“No, you’ve caused enough trouble, stop thinking only about yourself! You’re going to face the consequences and solve the mess you created.” 

Jungeun sobbed, tears rolling down her eyes. “Please, let me go.” 

"I’m not going to let you do more damage to their relationship and also yourself." 

"H-Hyejoo-" 

"We’ll be fine, Gowon, I’ll take care of this. You go look for Sooyoung." 

Chaewon hesitated when Jiwoo grasped her hand with her trembling one. “Go, Chaewon. I don’t think she will react well if I’m the one going, and besides, I still need to understand what’s going on after all.” 

Chaewon gave her a small smile, even if forced, because she was probably as scared as her. 

If she was in that situation, where would she go? She went in the opposite direction of the entrance, so Sooyoung must be in the bathroom because there was no other place to be alone. 

And how right she was. As soon as she opened the door to the nearest toilet, she heard quiet sobs coming from the farthest stall. 

“Sooyoung?” She called, earning a sniff as an answer. “It’s me, I’m all by myself. Can I help? Do you need anything?” 

Another sniff later, the door to the stall opened and Sooyoung launched into Chaewon’s arms. 

Chaewon circled her arms around her trembling body and caressed her hair. 

“Do you want to go outside?” Chaewon asked, and Sooyoung shook her head against her neck. “What are you feeling?” 

“I don’t even know.” Sooyoung sniffed. “Ever since I know Jiwoo, she’s this social butterfly. She gets along with everybody, and I know I'm hard on her sometimes, so I'm scared that's she's getting tired of me. And now seeing her like this with Jungeun, I just get so insecure that she’s more interested in her than me, because she’s more like her, more outgoing, and more fun, and apparently better than me in every way...” She sobbed. “Jiwoo doesn’t see malice in anything, she didn’t even realize what was going on. Then I’m the one getting paranoid, alright... If only Jungeun had been honest instead of playing that game, then maybe we could solve this like adults.” 

Sooyoung sounded so hurt Chaewon didn’t know what to answer. She pulled away and cupped her face, wiping the tears away from her eyes. 

“Why would she get tired of you? She’s with you, right? I know she loves you, I can tell by how she looks at you.” 

“Does she really?” 

"I think the both of you need to have an honest conversation. Have you told her how you feel? About what you just told me." 

"Why would I do that? She just won’t understand." 

"See, I’m not experienced in this relationship thing myself, but I think you should be upfront about it. Just like you wanted Jungeun to be. If you don’t even try, you’re going to keep feeling scared, probably reading too much into things because of that. And I’m sure Jiwoo doesn’t want you to feel scared.” 

Sooyoung dropped her head, sniffing. 

“The way I see it, you sound like you believe Jiwoo was just oblivious and didn’t cause you hurt on purpose. It sounds like you’re mad at Jungeun and not her, and you took it out on her instead.” 

“Maybe you’re right. There’s too much in my head, I don’t even know what to think anymore. I got lost in my thoughts.” 

“I know what that feels like. That happened to me all the time whenever I tried to think of Hyejoo and all the situation. There was so much that at a time, I didn’t know what was wrong anymore.” Chaewon chuckled at herself, ripping a smile from Sooyoung. “If things went well, Jungeun and Jiwoo are talking things out right now. Then you can talk with Jiwoo about this, and about that fear of yours. Even if you think it’s something silly, it doesn’t do any good to keep it to yourself.” 

Sooyoung pulled her into another hug. "I’ll do that. And thank you, Chaewon. I'm sure you're gonna become a great therapist." 

The sudden compliment made her cheeks warm up. "I-I'll try my best. Do you want to go back inside and see how are things?” 

“No, let’s just give them time to talk.” 

The bathroom door flew open with Haseul and Yeojin stepping inside. 

"Oh, hey guys," Haseul said. "What's happening with Jiwoo and Jungeun?" 

Chaewon gulped. "W-What do you mean, what's happening?" 

"I disappear for twenty minutes to go get Yeojin, and when I come back, they're hugging and crying. Jungeun was like _I'm sorry for being such a bad friend_, and Jiwoo hit her like _you should have told me earlier_! Did they drink that much already?" Haseul shook her head, while Yeojin chuckled. 

Chaewon exchanged a look with Sooyoung, as they laughed, but deep down, she was so glad it went well after all. 

\--- 

Chaewon let her body drop to the bed, a loud sigh escaping her lips as she closed her eyes. Hyejoo laid next to her, snuggling closer, resting her head on Chaewon's shoulder. She inhaled and hugged her, smiling as Hyejoo's scent reached her nose. 

"I'm so glad everything turned out well," Chaewon said. 

"Yeah. Jungeun realized that she was hurting her friendship with Sooyoung, and being dishonest with Jiwoo. This was all a big mess, but they will be fine." 

“How did Jiwoo react?” 

“She was shocked and pissed. Pissed because she was clueless and never realized, pissed at Jungeun for not telling and for acting like that, and pissed because that was hurting Sooyoung. But they talked and Jungeun apologized, so I think they’re fine now.” 

"Oh, I’m glad.” Chaewon rested her hand on her chest. “Sooyoung also talked her worries out with Jiwoo and she was so understanding and sorry that she didn't realize how Sooyoung was feeling." 

"Good thing this happened, after all." 

That made Chaewon ponder about her own actions. For so long she had judged Hyejoo, but had she wondered how she felt? 

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon called, receiving a hum in response. “I’m sorry.” 

Hyejoo looked up with a frown. “What for?” 

“I’ve judged you so much for several reasons when you never did anything to deserve my treatment.” 

“I don’t even remember that anymore, it doesn’t matter what happened when we met, it matters what we feel now.” 

Chaewon nodded. “I know I’ve said this before, but let’s always be honest with each other. Let’s not let something like this happen to us. If something’s troubling us, if there is something we’re scared of or anything at all. We’re here for each other, for the good and the bad.” 

Hyejoo chuckled. “Are we getting married?” 

A slap on her butt made Hyejoo laugh even more. “You just ruined the mood.” 

“I’m sorry, it was an easy joke, I couldn’t not say it. But you’re right. Let’s promise to always be honest and talk about what we feel, good or bad, so we can always fix whatever’s wrong without fights.” 

Chaewon smiled and kissed her forehead. “You’re so understanding. Thank you, Hyejoo.” 

“I’ll do my best to be the person you wanna be with. Now now,” Hyejoo said, crawling on top of Chaewon and leaving the distance between their lips almost nonexistent. “Remember that you had something to show me tonight?” 

“How could I forget?” Chaewon smirked, and taking a grip on Hyejoo’s arms, she rolled over her. “But who said that I would let you take that position?” 

Chaewon knew how much of an effect she had on Hyejoo, so she always used that to her advantage. She loved to see how Hyejoo hissed her name and how eager her hands pulled her closer with so little effort. 

She gave her one last smirk before leaning in to kiss Hyejoo and end her impatience. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never said that something big would be about hyewon kekeke
> 
> This was a long chapter and many things happened, I hope you enjoyed it a lot! 
> 
> Also, if you happened to read my first ever fic, _I'm in love with the hero_ (on aff), and if Sana and Tzuyu rang a bell, you were right, they're the same characters from that fic! Since Sana became a therapist in that fic, I thought she would be the perfect professor for Gowon ^-^
> 
> Thank you as always for the support on this story! ♥️


	15. Aesthetic

Chaewon pulled the blankets up to her neck, observing as Hyejoo put on a baggy sweater over her naked body and sat by the window. She cursed after opening the window, and trembling hands lit up a cigarette hanging on her lips. She took a long drag, then expelled the smoke outside and sighed with a smile. 

Something Hyejoo always did after her time with Chaewon, ever since the first time. 

“Why do you always go do that?” Chaewon asked, a shiver running down her back as she watched Hyejoo shiver as well. 

“Hm?” Hyejoo looked back at her. “The after sex cigarette is the best cigarette.” 

Chaewon shook her head with a giggle. “Why?” 

Hyejoo shrugged, breathing out a cloud of smoke, dissipating into the cold night air. 

“Is it weird that I find it… interesting?” Chaewon asked. 

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow at her. “Is that the word you want to use?” 

Her cheeks warmed up. “Forget what I said.” 

“Now I wanna know what you mean.” 

“No, it’s wrong because smoking is bad for your health.” 

Hyejoo waited for the end of the sentence that didn’t come. “But?” 

Chaewon sighed. “It’s just that… The sight in itself, it’s… you…” 

“Do I look cool?” Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Chaewon groaned. “It’s not like that, it’s just that I got used to it and…” 

“I look very aesthetic, I know.” 

Chaewon glared at her. “You better know that I’ll never approve the fact that you smoke, and I’ll be the number one supporter in case you want to quit!” 

Hyejoo laughed. “I know, but as long as you respect my decision, I’m fine with it. I’ve been smoking less, you know.” 

“Yeah, I noticed. And I’m happy.” 

“Actually, not only am I smoking less, I also quit weed.” 

Hyejoo extinguished her cigarette and closed the window. She took off her sweater and ran back to bed, snuggling against Chaewon’s chest, who was still trying to come up with something to say. 

“W-Weed?” 

“Yeah. I used to smoke sometimes, when the anxiety or stress was too much to handle, and before bed, because it helps me fall asleep. But since I’m with you, and because I get to sleep with you so many times, I barely feel the need anymore. Jungeun even asked me if I had stopped because it’s been a while since I asked her for more.” 

And in the million questions floating around Chaewon’s mind, she could only come up with - “Jungeun?” 

“Yeah, she’s the one that gets it for me. And for herself, of course.” 

Chaewon didn’t know what to say, and after a few seconds of silence, Hyejoo looked up at her. “What is it?” 

“I-I didn’t know you… did that. Isn’t that… a d-drug?” 

“It’s legal here, there’s no way we could even get in trouble by having it or consuming it, as long as we don’t do it in public. And you know it’s used for medical purposes, right? Now we don’t need a medical card to get it, so it’s cool because it really helps.” 

“Doesn’t it have other effects?” 

“It can, but every medication has possible side effects. Of course, it depends on the person, the amount, how you consume it, if you drink alcohol too or not, but I don’t do that.” Hyejoo paused, her eyes fixed on the void, then she shook her head. “I did it once when I was having a really hard time after a fight with my father back in Korea. Believe me, it was not a pleasant experience. If I drink, I don’t do weed. Simple as that.” 

“W-What happened?” 

“It was a really bad trip, I had hallucinations, almost jumped off my window-” 

“Dear God, Hyejoo,” Chaewon mumbled, hugging her tightly against her chest and caressing her hair. 

“My room is a first floor, maybe I would break a leg or something but it’s not that serious.” 

“Don’t joke about that!” Chaewon frowned and hit the back of her head. 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry! But yeah, so you see, since then I don’t drink and smoke. It’s okay if I drink like one beer-” 

“You don’t need to,” Chaewon interrupted, pulling apart so she could cup her cheeks and look at her eyes. “You said you don’t feel the need when you’re with me. I’m always here for you, whenever you need, so… If you ever feel the need, call me and I’ll be right here.” 

Hyejoo smiled and closed her eyes to Chaewon’s gentle touch, nodding. 

Chaewon leaned closer and rested her lips on Hyejoo’s forehead. 

“What else did you go through already, Hyejoo?” Chaewon asked. “While you grew up in a difficult and harmful environment, you learned so many lessons and that made the strong person you are today. I had such an easy childhood...” Chaewon said, but pain filled her voice. 

“But that’s good, right?” 

“Yes, and no. My parents always got along well, my dad is a police officer, my mom runs a small convenience store. They always wanted me to do my best so I could go to a prestigious school. But I feel like I didn’t do anything else other than studying all my life.” She paused. “I know nothing about life, I don’t have any experience, I never went through any hardships other than the normal school stress. I even feel ashamed when I remember how shocked I was when I found about all the girls liking girls thing. Have I been living all these years under a rock or something?” 

Hyejoo stared at her. “Not under a rock, but in a homophobic country, and a conservative and religious family. It’s not your fault, and you don’t need to feel ashamed about that. And it’s not because I went through what I did that you didn’t have any hardships. Didn’t you just say your parents wanted you to do your best? Let me guess, they were constantly telling you that you had to be the fucking best at everything, pressuring you to get the best grades and telling you what you should do after you finish high school. Did you want to become a therapist, or did they choose for you as it happened to me?” 

Chaewon blinked. “They wanted me to go to medical school, but I convinced them to follow this path instead of being a doctor.” 

“See? And you were lucky, at least you got to choose something you like. But since you always lived with that mindset, you never really questioned it. If you look better into it, we went through similar things, just with different mindsets and backgrounds.” 

“I… Had never thought about that.” 

“It’s okay. Life sucks anyway, so why waste time thinking about it and the past and shit. Well, now that I have you, it doesn’t suck so bad.” 

Chaewon smiled and kissed her lips. “Do I make your life better?” 

“You have no idea how much. I have a reason to wake up in the morning and strength to endure the day, and when I can finally see you, I know it was worth the wait.” 

“Where did you learn to be such a romantic?” Chaewon didn’t mind hiding the huge grin and let her cheeks become redder. 

“I’m a born romantic.” Hyejoo smirked. “But I’m being honest. If it wasn’t for you, I think I would have gone crazy already. I hope someday I can make you see how important and special you are to me.” 

“Even more than you already do?” 

“Yes, because you deserve to feel like the most special girl in the world. Like a true princess, just like your nickname.” 

Chaewon blinked. “What do you mean?” 

“Gowon. I said it didn’t mean anything special, but I was embarrassed to tell you what it really means. It’s a mix of classy and princess with your name. So you became Gowon.” 

Heat crept under Chaewon’s face. “Y-You’re so cheesy.” 

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.” 

“I do. Now I love it even more.” 

“I’m glad then, Gowon.” 

\--- 

As soon as her eyes met Chaewon’s, Hyejoo jumped from the bench she was sitting on, removing the airpods from her ears and giving her the biggest grin. 

“You’re in a good mood even with this gloomy weather.” Chaewon giggled as Hyejoo took a step closer and circled her arm around her shoulders. 

“Not even the wind or the rain or whatever the fuck will bring my mood down today.” 

“Why is that?” 

“Because classes are finally fucking over!” she said, jumping like a little kid. 

“Cute, but we still have our exams.” 

All the excitement on her face died in a second. “Wow, who knew Gowon would be the one bringing my mood down?” 

“N-No, I’m sorry!” Chaewon cupped her cheeks, but Hyejoo kept on looking elsewhere. “I didn’t mean to do that.” 

Hyejoo looked down and pouted. “I forgive you, but now you have to make it up to me and make me forget about that shit.” 

“Anything.” 

“Alright, movies and dinner, or Netflix and chill?” Hyejoo smirked. 

Chaewon peeked at her phone. Exams would be coming up soon and she had to study, but she could do that later at night, right? 

“It’s still early, why not both?” Chaewon smiled, grabbing Hyejoo’s hand. 

\--- 

They had just finished another episode of ‘Brooklyn 99’, and while Hyejoo was still laughing at the ending, Chaewon checked the time on her phone. 

“I should go, it’s getting late.” 

Hyejoo stopped laughing and turned to her. “Go where? We don’t have classes, and there’s still the chill part left.” She smirked. 

“I still need to study before going to bed tonight. And we have reading period.” 

“I’m not going to those.” 

“What? You need to go, Hyejoo. It’s important to prepare for the exams.” 

“Because going means I need to study.” 

“But you need to study.” 

“But I don’t want to.” 

Chaewon pursued her lips. “Why?” 

“Because you know I hate this, I don’t wanna do this, it fucking sucks!” Hyejoo said, her voice becoming louder. 

“I know you don’t want to do this, but you’re risking making this even harder-“ 

“I don’t fucking want to, Chaewon!” Hyejoo jumped from the couch. 

Chaewon recoiled. Hyejoo’s fists curled up at the sides of her body, and when she looked back and found Chaewon’s widened eyes, she let her body drop to the couch again with a loud sigh. 

“I’m sorry,” Hyejoo said, eyes down as she grabbed her hands. “You can’t imagine how anxious this makes me. I try, I swear I try to study, but whenever I sit down and look at my books, I have to fight back an anxiety attack. Every single time.” Hyejoo paused. “I’m lucky I’m smart enough to get decent grades with trying to pay attention in class, and that’s already damn hard. But decent isn’t enough for my father, and that only makes it a thousand times worse. I know I need to have better grades, but for that, I need to study and I don’t want to. But if I don’t do it, I don’t know how my father will react and, see, it’s a fucking circle and I can’t get out of it!” 

“I’m here, I can help you.” Chaewon squeezed her hand, and cupped her cheek, caressing it. “I can’t really help you with law and all that stuff, but I can be by your side, while I also study. I’ll be there to hold your hand or kiss you or motivate you whenever you need. Will that help?” 

"I guess so, but I don't want to get in your way." 

"You won't. I study well with other people around, you don't need to worry about me." 

Hyejoo met her eyes. "Would you do that?" 

"Of course, I want to help in any way I can." 

"Okay. I'll try." 

Chaewon smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. "Tomorrow we'll both attend our classes, and then we can have lunch and rest a bit, and then we study. Okay?" 

"As long as I'm with you." 

"I won't leave your side." 

"Thank you, Gowon, for real. I don't know how I would deal with this without you." 

"And you don't need to think about that." Chaewon pinched her cheeks. "Oh, I just remembered. There's something I want to tell you." 

Hyejoo nodded and hummed, turning her body towards her. 

"Sooyoung and Jiwoo told me about this Harvard LGBT association, and after gathering enough courage, I went there.” 

Hyejoo irked an eyebrow, but said nothing, only nodding for her to continue. 

"This is all still very recent to me, and you know I'm slowly accepting it, but it still goes against everything I’d believed all my life and it’s a lot to take in. I went there and met students who are also very religious, like Son Chaeyoung. She’s been dating her girlfriend for years! Taeyong and Ten were an adorable couple too and they told me how they also struggled with these thoughts at a point. Their families ended up accepting them as they are, so I hope mine will too... Someday, at least.” 

"I'm sure they will. But even if they don't, they'll be the wrong ones, not you. And be sure that I'll always be here to support you, and you also have your friends and lots of people who went through the same as you and I did." Hyejoo paused and looked down. "You know my father never accepted me as I am, and I don't think he ever will, but I'm at peace with myself because I know I did nothing wrong. This is who I am, if he doesn't like me because I'm gay, or because I'm not perfect or like he wants me to be, then fuck him. I don't need his love or support, anyway. I would be better off if he didn't talk to me at all." 

Hyejoo always wanted to sound like she didn't care, but the more she talked about that, the more Chaewon realized it hurt her, even if she didn't want it to. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make this about me." Hyejoo shook her head. "I can't imagine how hard it has been for you, but I can see how hard you're trying to understand and accept all of this. I'm really happy that your efforts are paying off and you're accepting yourself more and more. You know you can always talk and rely on me too." 

"Yes, I know. I thought about asking you to come with me, but that would only turn things easy, and I wanted to try it alone for an instance. Will you come with me someday, though? They were curious to meet this Son Hyejoo that I talked about so much." 

"Of course I will. And what did you say about me?" 

Chaewon giggled, seeing her cheeks getting redder. "Who knows." 

"Yah, Park Chaew-" Hyejoo tried to protest, but she was interrupted when Chaewon pushed her back against the couch as she sat on her lap, making her suck in a breath. "D-Don't do that." 

"Why? It's so much fun catching you off guard," Chaewon whispered with a smirk painting her face. 

"If you wanna kill me, sure. So much fun. I'm still to find out how in the world you change into this so fast." 

"This? What's this?" Chaewon teased, scratching the back of Hyejoo's neck as she leaned closer, brushing her nose against hers. 

When Hyejoo tried to close the distance between their lips, Chaewon pushed her back once more, making her groan. "T-This!" 

Chaewon chuckled and kissed the corner of Hyejoo's lips before going for her ear, where she whispered - "The question is not how, but who." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyejoo panicking is fun, isn't it? kekeke
> 
> Funny how Gowon is the main character, but only now you're learning more about her life ahahaha
> 
> Look forward to the next chapter!!! Not gonna say why KEK


	16. What is this?

Chaewon plopped on the couch, letting out a deep sigh. "I'm starving. Do you have something else other than beer on your fridge for me to cook, or do you want to order?" 

"I don't feel like eating anything, but I might have some cup noodles or something, so go ahead." 

"You're not hungry again?" Chaewon turned to find her fetching a beer from the fridge. "You shouldn't drink with an empty stomach." 

"It's okay. I'm not hungry, but I'm thirsty." 

Chaewon sighed, her eyes following Hyejoo as she sat by the window. Her dark circles were more noticeable each passing day. 

"You haven't been sleeping much, have you?" 

"Not really." Hyejoo shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. "But I'm fine. I was able to focus today on the exam, and in fact, I think I nailed it." 

"That's great, and I'm so proud of you. You've been working so hard, but you know resting is essential too, especially now." 

"Tell that to my anxiety." Hyejoo expelled a cloud of smoke outside the window. 

"I'm sorry I haven't been sleeping with you that much lately." Chaewon stood up and approached Hyejoo, leaning her head on her chest and stroking her hair. "I'll stay tonight, okay?" 

Hyejoo's cheek puffed against Chaewon's chest. "It's okay, we have another exam tomorrow, you can go to your dorm and study. I should do the same, right?" 

"Will you be fine?" 

"Yes. I can't always rely on you, I should rely on myself too sometimes." 

"On yourself, or your weed?" 

Chaewon knew she shouldn't have said that when Hyejoo pulled away and looked up at her with a deep frown. 

"I thought I made myself clear when we talked about this." Hyejoo extinguished her cigarette and stood up, turning her back at Chaewon. 

"You're right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. You know I'm worried-" 

"If you were, you would know I used to smoke weed so I could sleep and relax from the anxiety, not because it's cool. And no, I wouldn't even smoke today, I'm out of weed for weeks, as I have told you before. I really meant relying on myself when I said that." 

Even though those words hurt, Chaewon knew she deserved that. 

"I know, I'm sorry, there's no excuse for my-" 

Hyejoo's phone flew across the room, crashing against the wall. Chaewon gasped and recoiled with the loud and sudden bang, her widened eyes fixed on Hyejoo's clenched jaw and gleaming eyes. 

"Why can't that motherfucker leave me alone?!" Hyejoo shrieked, her body starting to tremble. 

Chaewon couldn't freeze now. She rested a hand on her shoulder, as she called her name, but Hyejoo jerked and swatted her hand away. Hyejoo frowned, her lips trembling, her eyes begging for help. 

"Hyejoo, it's me." She tried again, slower, cupping her cheeks. This time, Hyejoo closed her eyes and leaned into her touch, letting the tears roll down. "Your father is not here, he can't do anything to you." 

Shaking arms circled Chaewon's torso, and a face buried in the crook of her neck in muffled sobs. 

"I'm here, and I won't go anywhere, so take your time," Chaewon whispered, holding her tight and caressing her black locks. "Focus on me and the moment." 

Hyejoo nodded and after squeezing Chaewon's body for a few times, her breathing slowed down. 

"Sit down, I'm gonna give you a massage to help you relax." Chaewon guided Hyejoo to sit on the couch with her head supported on the back. 

Chaewon stood behind the couch and leaned down to kiss her forehead, as she massaged her temples. They said nothing for a few minutes, while Hyejoo kept her eyes closed and Chaewon massaged her neck, shoulders, and ears. 

"I'm sorry." Hyejoo broke the silence. "I didn't want to snap like this, and I didn't want to talk to you like that. I hate this side of me, and I hate even more that you have to see it." 

A small smile appeared on Chaewon's lips. "I think everyone has a side that they don't want others to see. But when two people are together, they accept not only their qualities but also flaws, right? We're here to help and learn with each other, so don't feel self-conscious about it, okay? I know you didn't mean to do that, like I didn't mean what I said. See, we both showed the sides we don't want to, but it's okay because we understand each other." 

Slowly, Hyejoo opened her eyes and met Chaewon's. 

"What did I do to deserve you, Gowon?" 

"Picked up my luggage at the airport." She chuckled, making Hyejoo smile. "You're a great person that went through a lot already, much more than you should have. What you deserve is love, care, and affection. If I'm the one that has the privilege of giving you what you deserve, then I couldn't be happier." 

"Are you confessing to me?" 

Chaewon gulped. "Y-You know what I mean." 

"I do. Thank you, Chaewon." 

She had gotten so used to her nickname, that whenever Hyejoo used her real name, her knees would go weak. 

"Shit, my phone." Hyejoo's eyes widened. 

She jumped from the couch and rushed to where it hit the wall. 

"Good job, Son Hyejoo." She sighed, turning and showing Chaewon her used-to-be-phone all cracked up. "Good thing I always have all my contacts and files backed up. At least now I have a valid excuse to buy a new one." 

"Hyejoo..." Chaewon sighed. "I'm sorry. This only happened because I upset you.” 

"No, I fucking snapped. I want to work on that. This time it was only my phone, but who knows what could have happened. You know I don't tend to be this aggressive, but when it comes to my father, I just..." 

"It's hard, I know. What was it this time?" 

"I didn’t even read it all. It started with something like ‘I know your exams are coming up, I expect you to be giving your hardest to make me proud’ whatever. Thing is, that was not meant to be encouraging, more like I better be the best or I'm fucked. Give me a motherfucking break," Hyejoo cursed at her broken phone. 

"I don't understand why he would act like this." 

"Who the fuck knows right? He says what is convenient for him. If the situation requires him to offend me, then I'm a disappointment, and I'm gay, and I'm this and that. But if we're talking about school, oh look at her, she’s in law school. Screw that piece of shit." 

“Don’t let it get to you, you’re stronger than that." Chaewon massaged her shoulders once more, and a groan escaped Hyejoo’s lips as she closed her eyes. “I’ll stay the night.” 

“But-" 

“No buts, it’s decided. Unless you want to be alone.” 

“No, I would never, but I’m afraid you’re giving up on studying for me.” 

“I’m not.” 

Hyejoo beamed. “Then stay.” 

In fact, Chaewon planned to still study before her exam on the next day, but she wouldn’t tell her. Hyejoo was more important, after all. 

\--- 

Christmas was around the corner, and Chaewon had no idea what to give to Hyejoo. She thought about some Patriots merchandise, but everything was too expensive. So, on a whim, she decided to buy some wool to knit her a scarf with their logo. It had been a while since she put her knitting skills to use, but a handmade gift was even more meaningful, right? That also required an extra task on her schedule, but she could manage. 

Chaewon couldn’t help but think where Hyejoo was getting so much energy from. Maybe her efforts to help and motivate her were paying off, and she could only feel happy and proud of herself. 

She wrote fast, revising for the nth time the contents for her next exam. The words on the paper were fading as she wrote, until her pen stopped writing at all. 

“Seriously?” Chaewon groaned. “Hyejoo, can you lend me a pen? Mine ran out of ink.” 

“Take one from my desk,” Hyejoo said, without taking her eyes off her book. “Good thing it ran out now and not on your exam tomorrow.” 

“I always take at least two pens to exams, I just happened to bring this one now.” 

There were no pens on her desk, so Chaewon opened the first drawer. A few pieces of paper laid around. She grabbed one to read what looked like... a story? It had names and small descriptions written with Hyejoo’s messy handwriting, as well as some sketches of swords and shields. Chaewon was about to go ask Hyejoo what those were, but as she lifted the piece of paper, something else stole her attention. 

Underneath the paper was a small, clear flask, with nothing written on it. And inside, white and blue pills. 

Did Hyejoo take any medication? Chaewon squinted, trying to see if there was something written on the capsules, but like the flask, there was nothing. 

If it was medication, it would have some kind of information. 

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon called, standing beside her with the flask in her hand. “What is this?” 

For a fraction of a second, Hyejoo’s eyes went huge, and she jumped from the couch, almost dropping her book to the floor. 

“Nothing.” Hyejoo took advantage of her taller stature to steal it from Chaewon’s hands. 

“Is that medication?” 

“Not quite, it’s for focusing.” 

Chaewon frowned. “Where did you get that?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

“It does matter. Please tell me, what is that?” 

“Nothing that concerns you.” 

Chaewon let her chin drop. “What? How does this not concern me?” 

“How does it?” 

“You can’t be serious, Hyejoo. If something’s wrong with you I have the right to know, don’t I? Are these prescribed to you? If so, then for what?” 

Hyejoo’s eyebrows rose. “Excuse me? First, why did you go through my things? Second, this helps me focus on studying, and third, you’re in no place to judge me if you don’t know what I’m going through.” 

Then, as Chaewon’s eyes widened, it all clicked. 

“That’s ADHD medication, isn’t it?” 

“Maybe, who cares?” Hyejoo walked to her room. 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon grabbed on her wrist, stopping her. “Not even I will be able to prescribe such a thing after I finish my degree. You can’t be taking those meds on a whim and with no monitoring from a licensed psychiatrist. If you’re feeling difficulties in studying, you should visit a doctor yourself, not go taking someone else’s meds.” 

“You don’t fucking tell me what I should and shouldn’t do." Hyejoo yanked her arm away from Chaewon’s grip. 

The air became so thick it was hard to breathe. 

“Can’t you see? That’s why you’ve been having trouble sleeping and no appetite at all. You’ve also been on edge, and snapping at me. You’re not like this.” 

“I don’t fucking care. Don’t you understand that I need to get good grades on the exams, or else I have no fucking idea what my father can do? Shouldn’t you be concerned about that, instead of caring if I take a few pills or not? The bottom line is this pill shit works.” 

Chaewon’s legs almost failed her. 

“You’re saying that I made no difference? All the efforts I did to help and motivate you, the nights I stayed to help you sleep... And you say it was all because of the pills?” 

“Do you happen to have some sort of superpower that will heal my anxiety and get me to study? ’Cause if you do, then, by all means, go ahead and then I will stop taking this crap. Until then, you should stop judging me for wanting to make something of myself.” 

Water fogged Chaewon’s eyes, as she took a step back and blinked the tears away. 

“I see.” She forced her dried throat to say. “Good luck on your remaining exams, then. I hope the pills continue to help you since I’m good for nothing.” 

Chaewon turned, grabbed her things and rushed to the door. She wasn’t sure if she heard Hyejoo calling her name as she closed the door, because the throbbing in her ears was so strong it almost deafened her. 

That wasn’t Hyejoo. It couldn’t be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, it can't always be all fluff, I guess c:


	17. Too late

“Good morning.” Jiwoo yawned. “You okay?” 

Chaewon muttered a good morning back and nodded, holding the teacup between her hands to warm them up. 

Exams were over, but her falling out with Hyejoo wasn’t. What a timing for such a thing to happen. Or more like, why did it even have to happen at all. 

While breaking inside, Chaewon had to put up a mask not to worry her roommates. She would appreciate a little emotional support, but she wouldn’t bring that up until the exams were over. That should be the priority, both to them and to herself. 

But what did she do the last couple of days? Aside from trying to focus on the remaining exams, she locked herself up in her room, either crying, rolling on her bed, or praying. 

Chaewon never wanted to act bossy, and she was still worried sick about Hyejoo. She put Hyejoo above everything, even her studies, because her wellbeing was more important than anything else. But in exchange, she got those cruel, ungrateful words, like it was all for nothing. And it didn’t matter what she did, she couldn’t shake them away from her mind, as if she had heard them a minute ago. 

Wasn’t that too unfair? 

“You’re staying?” Jiwoo asked. 

Chaewon blinked. “What do you mean? Where would I be going?” 

“Oh, you filled that thing to stay here? Me and Sooyoung are traveling back to Korea for Christmas and New Year’s.” 

“What thing? Oh my God.” Chaewon set the cup on the coffee table, or else she would have dropped it. “The permit. I can’t believe it. Jiwoo, I completely forgot about that. Oh, Lord.” She stood up, holding her head in her hand. “Am I still on time?” 

Jiwoo bit on her lip. “Not really. We have to leave today.” 

Chaewon let her lifeless body fall to the couch. She didn’t need any more misery in her life right now. 

“What am I going to do now?” 

“Stay with Hyejoo.” Jiwoo winked and turned to get herself something from the fridge. 

“I can’t.” 

“Is she traveling somewhere too?” 

“We fought.” 

Jiwoo choked on her water, and after making sure she could breathe, she ran and sat beside her. 

“W-What do you mean? What happened?” 

“Is everything okay?” Sooyoung’s voice made both girls look up. 

“No! She fought with Hyejoo, and she forgot about the permit to stay, so now she has nowhere to go, and we’re leaving today as well!” Jiwoo spoke fast and with lots of random hand movements. 

“Wait, what? You what?!” Sooyoung widened her eyes and squatted in front of Chaewon. 

“We had an argument, I was rude, she was aggressive, I left, and we haven’t talked since." Chaewon avoided the worry in their eyes. 

“When did that happen?” Sooyoung asked. 

“A few days ago.” 

“Why didn't you tell us?” 

“I didn’t want to worry you guys when we still had exams.” 

“Do you think exams are more important than that? You should have told us!” 

“Soo,” Jiwoo softly called. “I know you're worried, I am too, but understand her reasons. She’s telling us now.” 

Sooyoung pursued her lips and nodded, mumbling an apology and grabbing Chaewon’s hands. 

“Are you mad at her?” Jiwoo asked. 

_Was she? _

“I want things to be okay, but she said some pretty hurtful things. Cruel, even.” 

“Do you think she meant it?” Sooyoung asked. “You said she was angry, and you know she says things she doesn’t mean to when she’s angry. I’m not saying being angry is an excuse to say hurtful things, but maybe you need to talk and clarify what she meant.” 

“And I bet that she regrets it already,” Jiwoo added. 

“Then why doesn’t she come to me to explain, instead of waiting for me? Why does it always have to be me? Is her pride that big that she can’t be the first to apologize?” Chaewon said, not noticing how she squeezed Sooyoung’s hands. 

“You’re right, that's unfair.” Jiwoo dropped her head. “Maybe she realized the shit she did and now she’s afraid to talk to you? I don’t know, I really can’t understand Hyejoo sometimes. Do you want me to talk to her?” 

“No, it’s okay, I shouldn’t even be annoying you with this when you’re traveling today, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t say nonsense, we wanna help with what we can while we’re here,” Sooyoung said. 

“Yeah, is there anything we can do?” 

Chaewon gave them a small smile. “I don’t think so. It’s okay, really. You’ve been helping me ever since we arrived here, it’s time I take care of myself and my problems. And you’ve already helped me, I’ll think about what you said and then I’ll… figure out what to do.” 

“But what about the holidays? Where will you stay?” Sooyoung frowned. 

“Maybe if I explain the situation, they’ll allow me to stay here.” 

“What if they don’t?” 

Chaewon sighed. “I'll figure something out.” 

\--- 

“Please, with all the things to study and assignments and the stress, I completely forgot. Please understand,” Chaewon pleaded. 

“I’m really sorry, dear, we can't let students stay in the dorms without a permit.” 

“Then where am I supposed to stay?” 

The dorm receptionist gave her an apologetic smile. “Rules are rules, and they must be the same for every student. We can't open exceptions. You must leave until 5 pm today. You should try asking your friends if any of them can help you.” 

Chaewon gulped and nodded, then returned to her room. 

She dove to her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what else she could do. Maybe her savior could help her, and no, it was not God this time. 

“Hyunjiniiiiieeeeee,” Chaewon whined as soon as she picked up. “Are you going to stay for winter break?” 

“Hey, Chaewonie. No, I’m going to Korea with Heejin. We’re leaving for the airport.” 

Could the situation go even worse? Chaewon closed her eyes and chuckled, because it was so bad she couldn’t even muster up energy to cry. 

“Why?” Hyunjin asked. 

“Just wondering,” Chaewon said. Not that she didn’t trust Hyunjin, but she had no strength to go through that conversation all over again. “Have a safe flight and have fun with Heejin.” 

“Thank you, enjoy your break and have fun with Hyejoo.” 

Chaewon laughed to herself and hung up. She had two hours to pack things and leave, having no idea what she would do. 

Maybe calling Jungeun or Jinsol? Or even Choerry? She scrunched her nose. No, they were all too close to Hyejoo, not like Chaewon was. And they knew for sure what happened. 

She would have to pray for a miracle to happen. 

\--- 

It was almost midnight. 

After thinking, rethinking, and pondering on all the options she had, it all came up to one. 

And there she was, sitting outside Hyejoo’s house, unable to ring the bell. 

Her whole body trembled, her teeth gritted, and she couldn’t feel her hands anymore. She didn’t remember being that cold before. The only thing keeping her sane was convincing herself that He had some sort of reason to put her through this trial, like He always did. 

Then, snow began to touch the top of her head and the palms of her hands. Chaewon looked up and sighed, wondering how it could get even worse, because it was surely going to get to that. 

Little by little, the street was engulfed in a thin, yet freezing cold layer of white. 

How great it would be if nothing had happened, and she could be cuddling with Hyejoo under the blankets, watching the snow fall from the window, and then chuckle because Hyejoo wanted to smoke and threw a fit of curses when she opened the window- 

“G-Gowon?” 

Chaewon looked ahead. Maybe it wouldn’t be too late for that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The question is... what now?


	18. We’re fine

Hyejoo rushed to her and squatted, her eyes bulging. 

“You’re shaking,” she said, carefully reaching for her face. “Holy fucking shit, you’re ice cold. How long have you been here?” 

But Chaewon couldn’t bring herself to speak. She was not sure if the cold froze her throat, or she was too struck to react. 

“Come on, let's get you inside.” Hyejoo helped her stand up, but her legs felt so heavy. Hyejoo frowned when she noticed the weight of her bag, but didn’t ask. 

They stepped inside and the warmth that was Hyejoo’s apartment made Chaewon sigh and take a deep breath. 

“I’m gonna get a towel.” Hyejoo ran to the bathroom, coming back in a second. 

She guided Chaewon to sit on the couch and kneeled in front of her, drying up her face and hair. 

Chaewon stared at her. It had only been a couple of days, but she had no idea how much she missed her. 

A tear fell from Hyejoo’s eyes, as she was still focused on drying up her hair in silence. Then, another tear, with Hyejoo’s lower lip trembling and her arms slowly losing strength, until she stopped and dropped her head to Chaewon’s lap. 

“I-I’m so sorry,” she said in muffled sobs. “I know I don’t deserve to ask this, but, p-please forgive me. I was such an idiot, stupid fucking asshole to you.” 

“Hyejoo, look at me.” 

After a sniff, Hyejoo raised her head, and Chaewon met her red eyes. 

“Yes, your words hurt me a lot. I was trying my best to help you, I put you above everything else because you’ve become the most important thing to me, and you were not honest like we promised each other to be.” 

“I know, and I’m s-so sorry-” 

“But I forgive you.” 

Hyejoo widened her eyes and choked on her own sob, more tears rolling down as she hid her face on her hands. 

“But please, _please_, be honest with me. If you talk openly with me, about anything at all, I will understand. So, don’t hide things from me. You have no idea how worried I was and have been all this time when I found those pills. Did you realize how much it affected you?” 

Hyejoo nodded and sniffed. “I stopped after that day, and I won’t do it again, I promise.” 

Chaewon smiled and cupped her cheeks, cleaning the tears with her thumbs. “I’m sorry for the way I talked to you.” 

“No, don’t apologize. You were right all along like you always are, and I didn’t listen to you. I know I don’t deserve you, I feel like I don’t do enough for you as you do to me, and I hate myself for that, and for being so selfish that I still want and need you so much.” 

Chaewon leaned down, because it had been way too long since she had felt her lips. And as she pulled Hyejoo into a tight hug and buried her face on her neck, Chaewon cried. 

“Why didn’t you tell me all that before?” 

Hyejoo pulled away and sat beside Chaewon, her turn now to wipe her tears. 

“I was afraid. I thought a lot about what happened, and when I finally realized the shit I’ve done, I also realized it was not me talking. I never meant any of that. I didn’t think I would ever be capable of saying things like that. I was so unfair to you, and thinking about how much I’ve hurt you for something so ridiculous, I just hated myself so much. I knew you were mad, and you had all the right to be mad at me, so I was afraid to even show up. I was afraid you would want to stop seeing me or see me as a coward.” 

Chaewon grabbed her hands. “We all make bad choices, you already understood what you did and that’s what matters.” 

“But I feel like I keep doing shit and never learning anything. I’m afraid I might do more stupid shit and ruin everything, and I can’t lose you, Chaewon.” 

“You won’t lose me if you let me help you. If we work on this together, everything will be okay.” 

Hyejoo engulfed Chaewon in another hug, kissing her neck as she mumbled a thank you. 

“You’re still so cold.” Hyejoo grabbed the forgotten towel and resumed her job from before. 

“My skin may be cold, but my heart is warm,” Chaewon said. 

They stared at each other, lips trembling from suppressing a laugh. 

“Way to break the ice,” Hyejoo said, making the both of them of explode in a fit of laughs. “But why were you outside in that freezing cold? And why is your bag so heavy?” 

“Yeah, about that...” Chaewon played with her hands on her lap. “Students had to leave the dorms today, and if we wanted to stay there for winter break, we had to ask for a permit. And I forgot about that. I had nowhere else to go. I-Is it okay to stay here?" 

Hyejoo widened her eyes. “I guess you’re officially living here, then,” she said, earning a slap on her arm. “But why didn’t you call me earlier? I would have come in a minute. How long have you waited outside? What if you get sick?” 

“I actually didn’t know you weren’t home. I was gathering the courage to ring the bell.” Chaewon chuckled. “If I get sick, it’s my fault for being stubborn and too proud.” 

Hyejoo shook her head and kissed Chaewon’s forehead. “Come, I’ll fill up the bathtub so you can take a hot bath to warm up.” 

“Join me,” Chaewon blurted. 

A smirk grew on Hyejoo’s lips. “Are you afraid you’re gonna drown or something?” 

Chaewon rolled her eyes and stood up. “Fine, don’t come then, I’ll take an hour long bath without you.” 

Arms snaked around Chaewon’s torso, as Hyejoo hugged her from behind. 

“You think I would miss a chance to see your heavenly naked body?” 

“Y-Yah.” Chaewon glared back. 

“Fine, I won’t go then.” Hyejoo let go of Chaewon. 

“Okay, more space for me to relax and sip wine and light candles.” Chaewon crossed her arms and kept walking towards the bathroom 

“Noooo, I take it back.” Hyejoo grabbed her arm and stumbled trying to follow behind. 

"I won’t let you in now.” 

“Yah, Park Chaewon, this is my bathroom!” 

“You said it, I’m officially living here. It’s my bathroom now.” 

“So what do I need to do to be invited back to Park Chaewon’s bath?” Hyejoo asked with a pout. 

Chaewon pretended to think, and tapped her own lips with her index finger. As she did, Hyejoo nearly flew to her to fulfill her request. 

“So this means we’re fine?” 

Chaewon smiled tiptoed to kiss her lips again. “We’re fine.” 

\--- 

Chaewon could very much get used to this. 

She had lost count of the times she had slept in Hyejoo's house, but _living _with her was a new experience. 

Spending the day with her, cuddling on the couch watching movies or TV shows, knowing that when the night came, she wouldn't have to go back to her dorm. Then, waking up with Hyejoo hugging her like a koala, or snuggling against her neck, because she had always been a clingy sleeper. Chaewon found that adorable, but she wouldn't let her know. 

Chaewon opened her eyes, feeling Hyejoo's steady breath on her neck. She smiled and kissed her forehead, thanking Him for this Christmas gift she never asked for. 

Hyejoo moved with a low grunt, squeezing Chaewon as she stretched her limbs, before opening her eyes. 

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Chaewon pouted. 

Hyejoo shook her head and kissed her lips. "Good morning." 

"Good morning, and Merry Christmas." 

"Oh, right, it's today." 

Chaewon frowned. "You don't seem very excited about it." 

"Because I'm not." Hyejoo hid on Chaewon's neck. "I don't like Christmas." 

"Does it have anything to do with your father?" 

Hyejoo nodded. "I used to love Christmas, you know. When Mom was around. Then, there was no Christmas tree to set up, there were no gifts to put under it, there was no fun." 

"I'm sorry." Chaewon caressed her hair. "Didn't you spend it with your friends?" 

"Yes, but it still felt like something was missing." 

"I know I can't replace your mother, but I can try and bring the joy of Christmas to you again." 

Hyejoo looked up and gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Gowon. What do you suggest, then?" 

"We can go get a Christmas tree, even if it’s small. Then have lunch somewhere, watch Christmas movies in the afternoon, and, people eat turkey for Christmas here, right? We can invite them over and cook that for everyone." 

"You wanna cook a turkey?" 

"You have an oven, so, why not?" 

Hyejoo laughed and kissed her cheek. "You're so cute. Okay, if that makes you happy, let's do that." 

"I'm making this for you too." 

"But as long as you're happy, I'm happy." 

"Isn't it too early for lame?" 

Hyejoo grabbed her phone from the nightstand. "Almost ten, the perfect time to be lame." 

Chaewon chuckled. "Aside from us, who stayed?" 

"Choerry, because she still has work, Jungeun didn't feel like traveling, and Jinsol stayed for them." 

"Jinsol is so thoughtful. Call them over then, tell them to bring snacks and drinks." 

“Is that all Christmas spirit?" 

"You could say so. I feel like drinking a bit too. Tell them to bring that beer I liked." 

"Alright." Hyejoo grinned. "I like Christmas-spirit Gowon." 

Chaewon beamed. "Make sure you call your mother too. I should call Vivi unnie, it's been a while since we talked, with exams and all. I hope she's not mad." 

"I bet she's not, she'll understand. Tell her I said hi." 

\--- 

The turkey was in the oven, the kitchen was a mess, but Chaewon had tons of fun cooking with Hyejoo. Meanwhile, the others watched _Frozen _on the TV, ruining their voices after <s>screaming</s> singing _Let it Go_, even after Chaewon's complaints that it wasn’t exactly a Christmas movie. Jinsol argued that a movie about ice and snow was fitting as it was snowing outside, and sadly, Chaewon had zero supporters. 

Chaewon outdid herself for dinner. She used to cook with her mother back home, but hadn't had many chances since she moved to Boston to practice her skills. Hyejoo insisted she would clean everything up after dinner. Chaewon's tried to stop her, but Hyejoo still managed to convince her. _"Remember, I can be very persuasive."_

"Chaewon, help us set up Jenga," Jungeun called, and Hyejoo laughed, cleaning the plates. 

"Great, you brought Gowon's favorite game!" 

Chaewon shot her a glare. "When did I say it's my favorite game? I'm terrible at it." 

"Okay, let me fix it, it's my favorite game to see you play." Hyejoo winked. 

Of course, because Chaewon would throw the tower down two out of three times, making her shove all the beer down her throat in one go. 

Seeing Hyejoo laugh and smile so bright, after knowing she had lost the joy of Christmas, made Chaewon’s heart warm. She was never one to make Christmas wishes, but this time, she wished she could spend every Christmas with Hyejoo. 

\--- 

After the fun time they had, it was time for bed, but Chaewon wasn’t going to call it a day just yet. 

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon called, hands behind her back. “I have something for you.” 

Hyejoo pulled up her pajama pants and turned to her. “Did you get me a present?” 

“Y-Yes." Chaewon approached and gulped, revealing the scarf on her hands. “Everything was too expensive, so I hope you like this. I’m sorry if it’s messy, I haven’t knitted in some time.” 

But there was no answer. Hyejoo grabbed the scarf and touched it with so much care it almost looked like it was made of porcelain. 

“You made this?” Hyejoo managed to say. 

“Yes. I hope you like it and use it well on these cold days.” 

“A-Are you kidding? Like it? I love this, Gowon. Thank you so much.” She hugged her, showering her with kisses. “No one ever made something like this for me. And I’m sorry, I... Don’t have anything for you.” 

“It’s okay, I didn’t give it because I was expecting anything.” 

“But I wanna give you something. Let’s go shopping tomorrow so I can give you something you want.” 

“There’s nothing I need. It’s okay.” 

But Chaewon had to learn once and for all that it was useless to try and stop Hyejoo. It didn't matter how many times she told her she didn't need a new sweater, a new jacket, a new backpack, and a new pair of sneakers, because Hyejoo got it all for her when they went shopping the next day. 

“How am I supposed to feel when you spend all this money on me and I gave you a scarf?” 

“A handmade scarf,” Hyejoo said, moving to the cashier to buy Chaewon the newest book from a saga she had just learned she loved. “Seriously, this is nothing.” 

“Nothing? I never had so many brand things in my life! Are you sure this is okay?” 

“Yes, it's perfectly okay. This is nothing in my father's account, he won't even notice.” 

Chaewon sighed. There was nothing she could do but to accept all the gifts. 

“Thank you, Hyejoo. It's just that I’m not used to receiving so many expensive things.” 

“But is it okay if I give them to you?” 

“Just because it’s for Christmas.” 

“Works for me. Wanna go home?” 

“It’s not snowing today, we should go for a walk or something, what do you think? We’ve been spending a lot of time at home.” 

Hyejoo grinned and grabbed her hand. “Somewhere in mind?” 

“How about the river?” 

“Your wish is my command.” 

A few months before, the river reflected the sun and boats sailed from one side to the other. Now, a white layer covered all the water. It looked so different but still as beautiful as ever. 

They sat in a familiar bench. Chaewon giggled, catching Hyejoo’s attention. 

“What?” Hyejoo asked. 

“You chose this one on purpose, didn’t you?” 

Hyejoo smiled. “Yes. When we came to watch the sunrise.” 

Chaewon nodded, snaking her hand in hers. She remembered it so well, as if it had happened the day before. 

“Gowon,” she called. “Let's go to New York.” 

“Hm?” Chaewon raised her eyebrows. 

“For new year's. Let's travel to New York.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYTHING'S WELL! And because I've been giving you angst lately, the next chapters about New York will be... SUPER FLUFFY! Look forward to them <3


	19. Big baby

Chaewon opened her eyes and blinked, the sun hitting her face. Taylor Swift’s _Delicate_ played on the radio, and Hyejoo’s voice was low, but Chaewon could still hear it. 

_Is it cool that I said all that?_   
_Is it __chill__ that you're in my head?_   
_'Cause__ I know that it's delicate_   
_Is it cool that I said all __that_   
_Is it too soon to do this yet?_   
_'Cause__ I know that it's delicate_

_Sometimes I wonder when you sleep_   
_Are you ever dreaming of me?_   
_Sometimes when I look into your eyes_   
_I pretend you're mine, all the damn time_   
_'Cause__ I like you_

Chaewon stayed still, staring and admiring Hyejoo. She focused on the road ahead and sang, her voice low, probably so she wouldn’t wake her up. The sound of her voice and the image of the sun shining on her side profile was something Chaewon knew her mind would engrave for the longest time. 

And as she listened to the lyrics, she wondered if Hyejoo felt like that. How much did Hyejoo like and think about her? Chaewon never let her tell her honest feelings, and Hyejoo always respected that, just like she said she would take things as she wanted. But they never talked or mentioned that again. Was Hyejoo waiting for her? It should be time for Chaewon to think about that. 

\--- 

“Gowon.” She opened her eyes and blinked. “We're here, and you don't want to miss this.” 

Chaewon looked outside the window and her jaw dropped. The sun didn't hit her eyes anymore, because the buildings were so tall she would have to pop her head out the window to see the top. It was as if she was inside a movie, like a main character arriving at the Big Apple to achieve her dream. She was a small speck of dust among all those people, all those tall, glass towers. 

“Awesome, right?” 

Chaewon nodded, still in awe. 

“Did you sleep well?” Hyejoo asked. 

“Yes. Your driving is so smooth it always puts me to sleep.” 

“Juju is also very comfy, isn't she?” Hyejoo patted the wheel. 

Chaewon laughed. “So, what's the plan?” 

“First of all, let’s get to our hotel, then we can decide what to do. I've searched for some things we could do and visit.” 

“I don’t really know anything about New York, so I’m fine with anything.” 

Hyejoo pulled over. “We’re here.” 

Chaewon looked at her side. The building was painted in black, with glass covering the walls, revealing the interior. 

“This is our hotel?” She asked as Hyejoo opened her door. 

“Yep,” Hyejoo said, getting their bags from the truck. 

“Good afternoon, ladies," a tall, handsome man, dressed in a black suit said. “Can I get your luggage inside?” 

“Thank you so much.” Hyejoo smiled, letting him carry both bags inside, as they followed him. 

Chaewon let her chin drop as she looked around. Everything screamed luxury. The decoration and furniture were a mixture of modern and chic, but then again, Hyejoo was probably used to this. That’s why Chaewon let her take care of things. She stood awkwardly behind her, still overwhelmed, looking around and observing the abstract painting on the walls with parted lips. 

“Let’s go,” Hyejoo said, carrying both bags. 

“You don’t need to carry my-“ 

“Just follow me.” Hyejoo looked back and shot her a smile. 

Since there was no use in fighting back, Chaewon followed her inside the elevator. 

And if Chaewon thought she wouldn’t be more surprised, she realized she was wrong when she stepped inside their room. 

Past the small entrance and a door to the left, a king-sized bed stood in the middle, with a big TV hanging on the wall in front of it. She walked further inside and opened the curtains to reveal glass doors that lead to the balcony. Stepping outside, she was greeted by the sun and a cold breeze 

“Sorry, I wanted to get us a better room, but this was the best I could find. It’s almost New Year’s, so everything’s packed,” Hyejoo said. 

Chaewon blinked. “Why are you even apologizing? This is way more than I could ever ask for. I have never stayed in a place like this. I don’t even know what to say.” 

Hyejoo sighed. “I’m glad you liked it. I didn’t want to disappoint you.” 

“Silly.” Chaewon booped her nose. “You need to stop spoiling me like this, or else I might get used to it.” 

“That’s what I want." Hyejoo circled her arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “For you to feel like a spoiled princess.” 

Chaewon winced. “Alright, cheesy hours canceled, let’s make our plan?” 

\--- 

Since the hotel they were staying in was near Times Square, that was their destination after filling their stomachs with the best Italian food. Chaewon tried to look up and find the top of the buildings, but she gave up after a few tries because she would always get dizzy. 

“What do you think?” Hyejoo asked, grabbing her hand tight so she wouldn’t lose her in the sea of people crossing the road. 

“It’s... I’ve never seen so many people together.” 

“You’ve never been to Seoul?” 

“I live quite near Seoul, but I don’t remember it being like this. And it didn’t smell like this either.” Chaewon scrunched her nose. 

“Yeah, you’re right." Hyejoo chuckled. “If you don’t feel good, tell me.” 

Chaewon nodded and Hyejoo suddenly pulled her arm, as she pointed somewhere. 

“There’s one of the iconic stores I wanna go to!” 

“Lego store?” 

“Yes!” Hyejoo grinned, and after seeing how Chaewon tried to hold her laugh, she glared at her. “And don’t you dare judge me.” 

“I’m not judging you, you’re just too cute.” 

Hyejoo pouted. “Am I cute?” 

Chaewon lead the way now, because she was sure she had the dumbest smile on her face and she didn’t want Hyejoo to see it. 

And as soon as she stepped inside the store, Chaewon knew why Hyejoo wanted to go there so bad – right at the left, a statue of liberty, and hanging from the ceiling, a huge dragon that went all the way up to the second floor, all made entirely of Lego. 

Hyejoo’s eyes shone as she looked around, and letting go of her hand, she rushed to the nearest wall, while something caught Chaewon’s attention. Her chin dropped as she approached it and took the sight of the Lego Hogwarts castle. 

“Geek,” Hyejoo whispered. 

Slowly, Chaewon turned her head, her eyes shooting invisible laser beams at her. 

“Any problem?” 

“No, not at all, _Hufflepuff._ I think it’s adorable that you love Harry Potter and stuff like that.” 

“Why? Lots of people do, _Gryffindor.”_

"I've told you, I'm a Slythe-" 

"No, you're not. You're a Gryffindor, deal with it." 

Hyejoo rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I always thought you would like romances and dramas or shit like that.” 

“I love those too, but nothing beats fantasy and sci-fi.” Chaewon turned her attention to the castle again. 

“You're right, but now let's go see the rest, or are you going to keep ogling at the castle?” 

Chaewon whined and let herself get dragged by Hyejoo. There were so many things she never imagined would have a Lego version, like replicas of cities. Apparently, those were Hyejoo's favorites. 

“Sydney or London?” She held each box on both sides of her face, her eyes jumping from one to another. 

“London. Well, Sydney is also pretty, with the Opera House and all.” 

“Well, both then.” Hyejoo shrugged. “Hey, let's get those for us!” 

Chaewon frowned and followed Hyejoo. There was a shelf dedicated to keychains with Lego characters. 

“Do you want to choose one you like, or do you wanna be like, super gay?” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“Hm..." Hyejoo held her chin. “There's Han Solo, but no Leia.” 

Chaewon laughed and held two keychains on her palm. “But there's Star Lord and Gamora.” 

Hyejoo pursued her lips. “Cute, but that Gamora looks... questionable.” She held back her laugh. 

“Fine, we won’t have matching keychains then.” Chaewon put them back and sulked. Indeed, that Lego figure wasn’t the best. 

They went back downstairs and Chaewon admired the store a bit more while Hyejoo paid for her Legos. 

“Isn’t that heavy to carry around?” Chaewon asked as they stepped outside. 

“Not much, but there’s one more store I wanna go, and I know I’m gonna buy stuff there, so let's go and then I can go back to leave the bags at the hotel." 

Made sense. Instead of asking where they were going now, Chaewon followed in silence, never letting go of her hand. 

“Holy shit, it’s real.” Hyejoo gasped as she turned the corner. 

A block further, Chaewon could read the big letters above the entrance – Nintendo. 

“Wow, there's a Nintendo store?” 

“Yep!” Hyejoo sounded even more excited than for the Lego store. 

Chaewon would never get used to how cute she looked when she was excited. 

A statue of Super Mario greeted them as they stepped inside, and Hyejoo froze. 

“Gowon, the music... it’s from The Legend of Zelda.” 

“I didn’t know you liked it this much.” 

“I do. I had a Nintendo Wii, and I played it like, a fucking lot. But you can imagine what happened at a certain point.” 

Maybe she did, but she also didn't want to believe it. “W-what?” 

“My father broke it,” Hyejoo said with a sad smile, and yes, it was what Chaewon feared she would say. “My grades were falling so he literally grabbed it and smashed it on the floor in front of me. I was so traumatized that I didn't even consider buying another one, I just got a portable one to play without him knowing." 

Chaewon squeezed her hand, without words to say. 

“Then I started playing online games on my computer, especially League of Legends, as you know. He couldn’t just break my computer, I needed it for school. But you know what, we’re here, and we have a long vacation ahead, and we need to have stuff to do, so I'm gonna buy a Nintendo Switch for us.” 

“What? Isn’t that expensive?” 

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s try some games first, or else I’ll grab everything and buy it.” 

Chaewon used to play some videogames before as well. She eventually stopped to focus at school, but that didn’t mean she lost the ability for them. Hyejoo was great at everything, but Chaewon still surprised her with her hidden skills. 

“I think the staff is judging us,” Chaewon muttered, following Hyejoo upstairs and noticing the weird looks they were getting. 

“They won’t judge when they see the amount of things I’m gonna buy, so fuck th-” 

“What?” Chaewon asked, seeing Hyejoo frozen on the spot. 

“My two favorites are here! Holy shit, look at all the things!” 

All the left side of the upper level was occupied with Pokémon and The Legend of Zelda merch. Even Chaewon wowed at all the cool things, so she could imagine how Hyejoo felt because she literally ran to the Zelda area. 

Instead of following her, the shelf filled with Pokémon plushies attracted Chaewon _(she had always loved plushies)__._ She remembered some from the first generation, since it was the only one she played when she was young. They were all so cute she didn't know which one to pick for herself. 

“Gowon, look!” Hyejoo called, smiling as she caught Chaewon with a Vaporeon plushie in her hands. “Okay, I'm gonna take that for you, but look!” 

Chaewon couldn't even protest when Hyejoo stole the plushie from her hands, and finally looked at what she was talking about. 

“A puzzle?” Chaewon chuckled, looking at the box she was holding. 

“Yes, five thousand pieces! Isn't it beautiful? It's from my favorite Zelda game. Let's do it together.” 

Chaewon nodded, using all her might not to squeal and pinch the soul out of Hyejoo's cheeks. “I want to get something for you. Choose a plushie, since you're getting that one for me.” 

“You don't need to.” 

“But I want too. You're already doing so much, I want to at least give you something. So, choose one.” 

“Okay, then you choose one that you think suits me.” 

Chaewon rubbed her chin, but it didn't take long until she decided. 

“Eevee?” Hyejoo asked, irking an eyebrow. “Didn't expect it. Why do you think it suits me?” 

“Eevees has multiple evolutions, right? So, it takes many forms and types. Like you.” 

Hyejoo pouted and hugged the Eevee plushie, despite her occupied hands. “From now on, I'm a fucking Eevee, bitches.” 

Chaewon laughed and patted her head. “Yes, you're a very cute Eevee. Now, are you done?” 

“Of course not! There are mugs as well, and cool lamps, and I think I'm just gonna take everything because why the fuck not.” 

They made their way back down to go pay for all the stuff they could barely contain in their arms anymore, as Hyejoo pointed out they had rushed straight up and missed an entire section of the lower flower. 

“Look at all the stuff you already have, Hyejoo! What are you gonna do if you get tempted to take more things?” Chaewon whined. 

“We’ll just Uber back to the hot--” Hyejoo was interrupted by Chaewon’s loud squeak. “Gowon?” 

To her side was a wide-eyed Chaewon taking off in a run to a section with tons of pink plushies of varying sizes. 

“They have Kirby! So many! Look how cute it is!” 

Hyejoo followed after her, trying to balance her tower of items. 

“I never would have thought you were a Kirby fangirl. I would have taken you straight here if I knew.” 

“I must absolutely get one! It’s going to look so cute with all of my other plushies.” Chaewon scratched her head. “But how am I going to decide which one to take?” 

Hyejoo juggled the boxes and plushies in her arms to extend a hand and take one about the size of Chaewon’s head, and held it next to her face. 

“Now copy his face,” Hyejoo said, already containing a grin. 

Chaewon looked at the plushie and did as she said, opening her mouth in a wide smile. 

“Aaaaaah, it’s too cute. You do look kind of similar. Yep, this is the one.” 

Chaewon looked satisfied with her choice, and while Hyejoo argued that she should give it to her to carry to the checkout, Chaewon was already inseparable from her new friend and insisted she’d carry it herself. 

In the end, Hyejoo ended up buying a lot of stuff, indeed. Not just the Nintendo Switch and a bunch of games, but also figures, random merch, because she kept saying it was cool, and even more plushies, like she claimed, “They're cute and they'll look even cuter in our bed.”. Chaewon had to hide the silly smile with the remark about _their bed._

After spending much longer than expected shopping, Chaewon suggested having dinner. 

“Why don’t we try the hotel’s restaurant for tonight and then we search for good places to eat on the other days?” Hyejoo asked. 

“Great, we can also rest early. You must be tired from the trip.” 

Hyejoo nodded with a pout. “Hyejoo is tired.” 

Chaewon scoffed. “Since when do you talk like that?” 

“Hyejoo’s back hurts from all the driving.” She forced her voice to sound cute. 

“A-Are you doing aegyo?” 

“I’m naturally cute.” Hyejoo cleared her throat. “I mean, Hyejoo is cute, and wants a massage.” 

“Okay, just stop talking like that. I would give you a massage even if you asked normally, you know?” 

“Okay, then, how about a massage with a happy ending?” Hyejoo wiggled her eyebrows. 

"Son Hyejoo...” 

\--- 

Hyejoo plopped on the bed, face down. 

“I’m so full,” she said, her voice muffled in the sheets. 

“No one told you to eat five plates of food.” Chaewon shook her head, sitting next to her. 

“The food was too good!” 

“Yes yes, you’re right. Now, before you fall asleep, take off your sweater.” 

Hyejoo rose her head and smirked at Chaewon. 

“For the massage, silly.” 

“I didn’t say anything.” Hyejoo snickered. “But wait, before I forget.” 

Hyejoo stood up and Chaewon followed her with her eyes, as she approached the bags from their shopping. Chaewon gasped when Hyejoo turned with the Lego Hogwarts castle in her hands and the matching key ring hanging on her fingers. 

“I’m glad you’re always distracted with something, it was easy to get this without you noticing.” Hyejoo chuckled, as Chaewon grabbed it with shining eyes. 

“Y-You didn’t have to.” 

“Just accept it and say you’re happy.” 

“I’m really happy. Thank you, Hyejoo. Let's do it together when we're back." 

Hyejoo grinned and nodded, then took off her sweater and kissed her lips. “Now, the massage.” 

Chaewon patted the mattress. Hyejoo laid down on her stomach and Chaewon sat on her lower back, rolling up her sleeves. 

Silence filled the room as Chaewon worked on her tense shoulders, with a few random whimpers from Hyejoo. 

“Hyejoo,” she called. “I know this is random, but I remembered this. Do you write stories?” 

But there was no answer. 

“Did you fall asleep?” 

“No, just... why do you ask that?” 

“Remember when I found the pills? I didn’t mean to, but I also saw some papers on that drawer.” 

Hyejoo showed a small smile, closing her eyes as Chaewon massaged her sides. 

“They’re ideas for a video game. You know, like characters, lore.” 

Chaewon wowed. “Why didn’t you tell me about that?” 

“What’s the use if I can’t even dream about it?” 

Slowly, Chaewon lost the strength on her hands, until she came to a stop. 

“That was your dream until your father stole it. To develop games.” 

“You’re right, doctor Park Chaewon.” 

Chaewon let her body fall to her side, lying down beside Hyejoo, facing her. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re studying law now. If you have a dream, go after it.” 

Hyejoo smiled. A sad one. “Easy to say.” 

Chaewon rested her hand on her neck, as she moved closer and stared into her eyes. “I believe in you. You’re smart and creative. I’m sure you’re passionate about it, or else you wouldn’t still have those ideas and the urge to write them down. And I truly believe that one day you’ll be able to do what you want. Your father doesn’t own you. You’re an adult, and you can make your own decisions.” 

“Not if that means ending in the streets with no money.” 

“I’m not saying right now. We’re still young, still studying, but eventually, we’re going to have jobs and incomes. Then, you will have that power.” 

“You keep mentioning we. Are you gonna ask me to marry you too?” 

Chaewon pinched her nose. “Is it a bad thing to think about us even if I’m talking about the future?” 

“It’s a great thing. Wanna elaborate it?” 

“Each day I spend with you, the more I realize how important you are to me. I’ll always be rooting and supporting you, and I want you to feel happy and loved. My priority had always been studying, especially when I came here, but that changed. You are also my priority now.” 

Hyejoo gulped. “No one ever told me I was a priority.” 

“Nobody had said that to me either until you did.” 

A hand came to bring Chaewon’s face closer, so Hyejoo could approach and kiss her lips. 

“I’m so glad we picked each other’s luggages,” Hyejoo said after pulling away. “If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t have met.” 

“Fate would have brought us together anyway, but still, I’m glad we did.” 

“Do you believe in fate?” 

“I don’t know, maybe.” 

“Fate or not, you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life.” 

“Lame time?” Chaewon chuckled. 

“Hey, you started it, and I already told you every second is lame time for me. But now, it’s more like honest time.” Hyejoo pecked her lips. “So, can I go on?” 

Chaewon held her gaze and waited. 

“No one ever made me feel like you do. No one ever listened to me and understood me like you do. My life has been a big piece of shit until now, as you know. But if everything happened so I could come here and get to know you, then it was all worth it.” 

There was nothing Chaewon could answer. She stayed still, lips a thin line, lost in the depth of honesty that Hyejoo’s eyes reflected. 

“If what you want is to make me happy and feel loved, then you’re doing it perfectly. I mean, you’re perfect, Chaewon, and I love you so fucking much.” 

Chaewon’s gulp was the only thing that was heard in the room for the next seconds. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, you told me not to say this until you had an answer-” 

“I love you too.” 

Hyejoo froze. “W-What?” 

Chaewon wasn’t even surprised by her sudden confession. She was, though, surprised that she had never said it before. 

“I’ve accepted it already. I really love you, Hyejoo, like I’ve never loved anyone before. I didn’t even quite know what love was before loving you.” 

“Holy shit." Hyejoo breathed out. “Pinch me.” 

Chaewon laughed and pinched her cheek, giving her another kiss. “Silly.” 

“Y-Yah, I’m not silly,” Hyejoo said, and her lower lip started to tremble and her eyes shining. 

“Are you crying?” 

“No.” She sniffed, and a tear rolled down her eye. 

“Awn, Hyejoo, you big baby.” Chaewon pulled her into a hug, and Hyejoo squeezed her hard. “What is it?” 

“I’m just so happy. I didn’t even think I would get to hear that from you, so it hit me fucking hard, you know. And what was that? Big baby?” Hyejoo laughed. 

“Yes, you're a big baby, and you know a thing I love about you?” Chaewon asked. “I don’t remember if I’ve told you this, but, I love that you seem so cool and unapproachable at first, with all the swearing and careless attitude, but deep down you’re so sweet and caring, and you have this sensitive and emotional side that I have the luck to know. That was what made me fall for you." 

“Then, would you date this unapproachable, but sweet, caring, and lame big baby?” 

“I’m basically living with you, I guess I’ve been your girlfriend for some time now, don’t you think? I mean, we do everything a couple does.” 

Hyejoo beamed, rolled on her back and threw her arms in the air. 

“Yo, Mom, are you listening?! Chaewon is my girlfriend!” She shouted, flailing her arms and legs, almost hitting her. “She’s gonna be so happy, she really likes you!” 

“What have you been telling your mom about me?” 

“That you’re the most beautiful girl on earth, and she agrees, and that you always make me smile and you’re the sweetest, most caring person, and you always help me and support me and, I don’t know, I probably said more things, but you get what I mean.” 

Chaewon kissed her, feeling Hyejoo’s lips forming a smile against hers. 

“Now that I can say it, you bet I’m not gonna shut up. I love you, Gowon.” 

“I can live with that. And I love you too, Hyejoo.” 

Hyejoo hugged her the tightest she could, rolling over, saying it time and time again, forgetting that the bed, even though it was king-sized, would eventually end. With a loud thud, Hyejoo fell on her butt, while Chaewon managed to grab on the nightstand and stop herself from falling on top of her. 

“Fuck.” Hyejoo cursed, still laughing at the situation, and herself now. 

“You okay?” Chaewon asked, lending a hand. “Need another massage now?” 

“Yes, I could use those heavenly hands on me now.” 

Chaewon glared at her. 

“I meant for the massage!” Hyejoo protested, and when Chaewon rolled her eyes, she crawled on top of her. “Didn’t say where, though.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OFFICIAL! THEY'RE GIRLFRIENDS!!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the first part of their New York trip! Sorry for all the geek references, but that was how I felt when I was at those stores, especially the Nintendo store. When I stepped inside, there was really a song from Breath of the Wild playing, and I literally felt like crying lmao (I'm a really, REALLY big fan of Zelda, does it show much? ahahaha) And of course I had to add some Gowon and Kirby references hehehe
> 
> More fluff for the next chapter!!! ♥️


	20. Don't just say it like that

The second day of their trip started with a tour around Wall Street, followed by admiring the Statue of Liberty from afar. They were short on time and Hyejoo was afraid of heights, so Chaewon refused to go despite Hyejoo’s reassurance that she would be fine. 

Differing from the other more central parts of New York they’d been to, Wall Street was a blend of modern architecture with greek elements. It was everything you’d imagine the most mesmerizing financial district in the world to be. 

After that, they headed north, towards the 9/11 memorial. Chaewon wowed when she realized that, in the exact place where the towers were, two gigantic pits with water flowing through them stood. She approached, with parted lips, and carefully touched the stone with names engraved on it. 

“This is beautiful, but I can’t help feeling sad,” Hyejoo said, standing beside her. “These people all met such a terrible fate so unexpectedly.” 

Chaewon nodded and closed her eyes, silently praying that all those souls were at peace now. 

“It seems like the waterfall has no end, right?” Hyejoo asked, reaching her head forward to look down, but retreating the same second. “It’s crazy scary, too.” 

“Indeed.” 

As Chaewon peeked at Hyejoo, she found her vacantly starting at the opposite end of the monument. 

“What are you thinking about?” She asked, caressing the back of Hyejoo’s neck. 

“Nothing, just admiring. Let's go?” 

Chaewon grabbed her hand and walked beside her, wherever she wanted to take her to next. 

“Wanna go for lunch? I'm getting hungry after all the walking.” Hyejoo checked the time on her phone. 

“Sure, what do you feel like eating?” 

“Depends on what's nearby. Let's sit in that park for a bit while I check it out,” she said, starting her journey on her beloved Zomato app. 

Chaewon sat and took in the fresh air, looking around the small park with a fountain in the center. Then, something caught her attention. 

“Hyejoo, mind if I visit that church?” 

“Hm? Sure, go ahead, I'll have a couple of options ready for when you come back.” 

Chaewon smiled, thanked her, and kissed her cheek before standing up and heading towards the church. 

She stepped inside, after being greeted by the old man at the entrance, who offered her a flyer with information about the church. 

It was a cozy, modest church, but well illuminated and decorated, with a colorful stained glass ahead. Some people wandered around, taking some pictures, others sat and prayed. And that was what Chaewon wanted to do as well. She moved to an empty bench, sat, clasped her hands together and closed her eyes. 

A few minutes later, she felt someone sitting close to her, interrupting her thoughts. She opened her eyes and saw what she never expected to. 

“H-Hyejoo?” she whispered. 

“Hey, Gowon.” 

“Why are you here?” 

“To pray with you.” 

“But, I thought... You were against it.” 

Hyejoo smiled. “You still remember that tragic second meeting? I'm not against it, I think everyone has the right to believe in what they want. I just... never liked it myself.” 

Chaewon stared at her. “Do you have any specific reason why you don’t like it?” 

“You know those people who claim to be very religious, go to church every Sunday, just so they can think they're good people because of that? They ignore all the evil going on around them and even contribute to said evil. But they believe they’re exempt from judgment because they are of a certain faith,” Hyejoo said, fists balled and a sly smile on. 

“I know what you mean.” Chaewon sighed, her hand making way to hold Hyejoo's. She knew exactly who she was talking about. 

“Yes. It's so hypocritical how they only use that 'God doesn't approve that' to what serves their opinion, especially when it comes to sexuality, right?” Hyejoo gritted her teeth. “Then don't eat seafood, and don't wear mixed fabrics, and also, don’t shave.” 

Chaewon gulped, dropping her head. 

“I'm not talking about you, Gowon. Maybe you were like that a few months ago, but you changed, and look at you now. My father never made any sort of effort.” 

“I'm sorry you had to go through that, Hyejoo.” Chaewon squeezed her hand. “I understand if you don't believe it. As you said, everyone has the right to believe in what they want, even if it's believing in nothing at all.” 

“It's not like I don't believe in anything, maybe there is, indeed, something above us, some force or whatever. But not necessarily an old man with long hair and a beard, much less in a book a bunch of guys decided to write decades ago that somehow became a rulebook and the cause for wars and a whole bunch of problems in society nowadays.” Hyejoo exhaled. “Sorry, was it too much?” 

Chaewon gulped, trying not to show her discomfort over Hyejoo’s comments inside a church, replacing those thoughts with empathy and understanding. 

“I know a lot of wars happen because of religion, and it makes me sad every time I think about it. It doesn’t make sense and it does go against everything that is taught to us. So, I guess I see your point.” 

“You practice your religion in a way that doesn't hurt or bother anyone. You even changed so much in such a short time. If only everyone was like you, Gowon.” 

Her face warmed up, and she didn't know what to say. 

“I didn't mean to interrupt your praying, go back to it, I'll keep you company if that's okay.” Hyejoo smiled, leaning back on the bench. “Oh, and tell Him I'm grateful for having you in my life.” 

\--- 

Sushi for lunch, Central Park for the afternoon. 

It looked absurdly beautiful, with a thin white layer of snow covering the trees and grass, leaving the paths clean for people to walk. Chaewon had no idea it was that big until she realized it would take almost an hour to walk from one side to the other. 

“It's okay, we won't see it all, I selected a few things worth trying here. Trust me,” Hyejoo said, a smile on her lips. 

“Okay, where are we going first?” 

“The zoo.” 

“There's a zoo here?!” 

“Yep, it's not that big, but it’s got some cute ass little things we're gonna love to see.” 

Chaewon wouldn’t have believed a snow leopard existed until she saw the most beautiful animal ever in front of her. The snow monkeys and grizzly bears had her jaw dropped, and the red pandas and sea lions got them both squealing. 

“I want a red panda. Gowon, can we have one?” 

Chaewon laughed and pinched her cheek. “Of course not, but you're cute.” 

“Why not? We would take care of him, give him food and love. I mean, look at it! How can you resist the cuteness?” 

“I actually don't know if you're serious.” 

“I am!” Hyejoo frowned, and after checking the time, she turned on her heels, pulling Chaewon with her. “Shit, it's almost time!” 

“For what?” 

“We're gonna feed penguins.” 

“We are what, now?” 

Hyejoo almost died laughing and trying to film that moment on her phone, because Chaewon would scream whenever the penguin launched to steal the fish in her hand. 

“You sure were having fun.” Chaewon rolled her eyes, approaching her when she was done with the activity she never asked for. 

“I’m sorry, you’ll laugh when you watch the video as well.” 

“No, thanks. I’m fine with not witnessing the loss of my dignity on tape.” 

Hyejoo laughed but cleared her throat after Chaewon’s deadly glare. 

“Ready for our next adventure?” 

“What’s next? We’re going to feed the bears or something? Count me out, I like having both my hands.” 

Hyejoo laughed even louder and grabbed her hand. “Not at all. Let’s enjoy the walk there, yeah?” 

They walked in silence. Chaewon closed her eyes for a second and took in the fresh air into her lungs, sighing with a grin on her lips. She never asked for any of that. She never asked for someone who would give her so much love, who would do all those things for her, who showed her many more new things in the past few months than she had seen in her whole life. 

Yet, Son Hyejoo existed. 

Chaewon looked up at her, as she fixed her handmade Patriots scarf around her neck. The person who did exactly all of that, without her even dreaming about it. 

“I love you.” 

Hyejoo met her eyes, but soon looked ahead again. Chaewon could still see her red cheeks though. 

“D-Don’t say it just like that,” Hyejoo mumbled. 

“Why?” 

“I’m still not used to it.” 

“You better get used to it, or will you act shy whenever I say it?” 

“What if I do?” 

“Who knew Hyejoo had so much aegyo.” 

“Who knew it would be so effective against you.” Hyejoo smirked. 

“As if.” Chaewon raised her chin. 

Hyejoo rested her arm around her shoulders and her head on hers. 

“I love you so much, Chaewon. Shit, it feels so good to say this. Also, did I ever tell you how much I love our height difference?” 

“I used to hate it, you know,” Chaewon said. “Okay, maybe not hate, but you’re already scary, and you have to be this tall! I was very intimidated when I met you.” She pouted. 

“And I was afraid of scaring you! I know my face isn’t the most approachable, I was afraid to creep you out when I asked you out for the first time.” 

“For lunch?” Chaewon tried not to laugh too much. “You seemed pretty chill and nonchalant about it.” 

“You don’t know how fast my heart was beating. Then you rejected me.” Hyejoo pouted, making her cheeks puff. 

“You were rude.” 

“And you judged me hard. I was nervous, okay? I mess up a lot when I don’t have my shit together.” 

“You judged me too!” 

They stared at each other and laughed. 

“Okay, we’re even.” Chaewon nodded. 

“But now you like it? The height difference,” Hyejoo said, clear mischief in her voice, as she used Chaewon’s shoulder as an armrest. 

“I changed my mind, I still hate it.” 

Hyejoo whined and circled her arm around Chaewon’s neck, pulling her to her chest, but she fought and released herself from her grip. She jumped and did the same to Hyejoo, bringing her head to her chest with her arm around her neck, making her a giggling mess. 

“I really enjoy this place, for real, but I can barely walk, and you’re kinda choking me.” Hyejoo struggled to say, and as Chaewon let go of her with an apology, she was able to breathe again. “Leave that for another time, yes?” Hyejoo winked. 

“S-Son Hyejoo!” Chaewon tried to slap the back of her head, but Hyejoo ducked in time and ran away in a fit of giggles, looking back at her. 

“You really like to hit me, don’t you?” 

Chaewon didn’t answer and was sure her face was tomato red by now. 

“Okay okay, I’m sorry, you’re just too cute not to tease.” Hyejoo cupped her cheeks and peck her lips. “You cold?” 

“I’m fine. How about you?” 

“My skin may be cold, but my heart is warm.” 

“Hey, I used that before. Are you running out of ideas?” 

“Shit, right, you did. I’ll practice more and come up with new things to make you cringe like you never did.” 

Chaewon laughed. “I’ll look forward to that.” 

They continued their walk in that beautiful winter day, allowing their lungs to fill with fresh air. 

Chaewon didn’t bother asking where they would be going next, because anything at all would be enjoyable. 

Like riding the carousel. Hyejoo didn’t remember the last time she did it, but Chaewon had a clear memory of a carousel ride in Seoul, from the first time she traveled there with her parents when she was just a kid. She had loved it so much it became a good memory, and now, she had an even happier one with Hyejoo. 

Then, ice skating, something Chaewon never tried before. 

“I’m scared,” Chaewon whined, not letting go of the railing. 

“It’s okay, watch me first,” Hyejoo said, the confidence transparent in her words. 

And Chaewon did watch... Hyejoo falling flat on her butt. 

“Was that supposed to make me feel less scared?” Chaewon asked, tightening her grip on the rails. She was conflicted on whether to laugh or not, worried that if she did, she’d be hit with instant karma. 

“Just...” Hyejoo stood up. “Pretend this didn’t happen. Fucking shit, this hurts.” She glided back to Chaewon, massaging her own butt. 

“Your pride, I’m sure.” 

Hyejoo glared at her. “As if I didn’t fall from the bed yesterday, my butt was already hurting.” 

Chaewon snorted. “I’m sorry, I'm not going to laugh anymore because I don’t want to attract karma as lousy as yours.” 

“What did I do to deserve it?!” 

“Laughed at me while I fed the penguins.” 

Hyejoo opened her mouth, just to close it again. 

“You’re right. Can you still trust me, though?” Hyejoo asked, sliding her hand down Chaewon’s arm until it met her hand. 

“Of course.” Chaewon kissed Hyejoo’s cheek. “If we fall, at least we fall together. Now teach me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I promised, more fluff! Expect EVEN MORE FLUFF for the next chapter, their last day in New York! ♥️


	21. That’s dangerous

Chaewon rolled in the bed and without opening her eyes, grabbed her phone from under her pillow – a habit she had gained from all the goodnight messages she would send Hyejoo before actually going to sleep. It was still nine in the morning, December 31st. 

The last day of the year. The year in which everything changed because of one person. 

Hyejoo slept with her back turned to her. Yesterday had been tiring, so Chaewon snuggled on the back of Hyejoo’s neck and drifted back to sleep. 

They wouldn’t say they overslept because they didn’t have any schedule, but they also didn’t plan on waking up past noon. 

“Nothing’s open today, anyway.” Hyejoo yawned. “Let’s go to Brooklyn, it’s a chill place to walk and do nothing. Also, we wanna avoid this side today.” 

“Why?” 

“Too many people gather for New Year’s at the center.” 

“But I thought you wanted to spend New Year’s in New York.” 

“Yes, but not here. I know the perfect place, and believe me it’s gonna be awesome. Now, wanna have lunch at the hotel?” 

\--- 

Chaewon came to realize she loved the beach. There was this long road in south Brooklyn all along the beach that Hyejoo drove and Chaewon couldn’t take her eyes off the sea. 

“Can we go to the beach in the summer? I want to try going into the water.” 

There was a small chuckle. “Of course. When it’s hot enough, we’ll go,” Hyejoo said. “You want me to stop somewhere so we can take a walk on the beach?” 

The smile Chaewon offered her said everything. 

It was windy and certainly cold, but Chaewon didn’t mind. The way her boots dove into the sand with each step, the strong and distinct smell of seaweed, the sound of the waves crashing just a few steps ahead was something she never thought she would love so much. 

“You’re so gorgeous.” 

Chaewon looked up at Hyejoo. “It makes you so mad?” 

Hyejoo chuckled. “For real now. I thought I had seen beautiful people, but you... There are not even enough words in the dictionary to describe it.” 

“There’s a word to describe all that beauty you talk about.” Chaewon bit on her lip. “Son Hyejoo.” 

“That’s two words, and by your logic, I could say _Chaewon is so fucking Son Hyejoo.” _

“Yes. Or like, the sea is so Son Hyejoo.” 

Silence took over, because Hyejoo seemed she was out of words, but it wasn’t awkward. Chaewon loved those moments when words weren’t needed, because their warms hands grasping each other said enough. 

But like the waves crashing against the sand, a sudden urge to kiss Hyejoo washed over Chaewon. She took a bigger step and spun towards Hyejoo, stopping in front of her. Hyejoo looked down, and before she could even say a word, Chaewon’s hands snaked on the back of her neck to pull her for her so desired kiss. 

For a second, Hyejoo was caught off guard, but even faster she melted into the kiss, her arms pulling Chaewon even closer by her waist. 

“S-Sorry.” Chaewon had to breathe, feeling her cheeks getting warmer by the second. “I just felt like... kissing you.” 

“I mean, that’s great, but...” Hyejoo took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second. “That’s dangerous.” 

Chaewon frowned, looking around. “Why?” 

“Because you know I have very low resistance when it comes to you.” Hyejoo leaned in to kiss her again. 

Her heart might as well rip from her chest, but Chaewon managed to pull away, even though her body was telling otherwise. 

“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention. You’ll have to wait for tonight.” Chaewon tiptoed to kiss her forehead. 

Hyejoo groaned and pouted. “What a tease. You did this on purpose.” 

“I actually didn’t.” Chaewon resumed the walk, hand grasping Hyejoo’s again. 

“Hmm, of course not. Just wait, Park Chaewon,” Hyejoo muttered, but loud enough for her to listen and make a smirk plaster across her lips, as she once again stopped in front of her. 

“Oh, and what is Son Hyejoo going to do? I’m so scared.” Her whisper caressed Hyejoo’s lips from how close she stopped. 

“F-Fuck,” Hyejoo’s throat contracted, as she squeezed Chaewon’s hand. “What are you trying to do now?” 

Chaewon giggled, booping her nose. “_Now_ I was teasing. Learn the difference.” 

“I hate you,” Hyejoo mumbled, walking past her. 

“You should see your face, you’re so red.” 

“Yeah, I can feel it.” 

“Cute.” Chaewon smiled, and Hyejoo failed at biting back one. “Let’s stay around and watch the sunset, it’s almost time. Oh, and I hate you too.” 

\--- 

The cold penetrated her clothes, making her body shiver, but it was worth it. 

“Do you like it here?” Hyejoo asked, trying to move closer to Chaewon, even though the space between them was already nonexistent. 

“I love it. This is beautiful,” Chaewon said, her eyes hypnotized by the sight in front of her. 

The New York skyline view from Brooklyn’s riverside was nothing short of breathtaking. The enormous buildings reaching towards the night sky, shining with countless lights that reflected on the river, and soon, the fireworks that she was dying to watch. 

“It was a great idea, right? I searched a lot for good places to watch the fireworks, and thought this was perfect.” 

“It is.” Chaewon faced her to find the biggest, silly grin on her lips. “But I thought you would prefer a big party for New Year’s, with champagne and loud music.” 

“That's indeed how I used to spend it, but now, I would never prefer that over this peace with you.” 

Chaewon’s grin now matched hers. “But I don’t want you to stop doing what you like for me.” 

“I’m not stopping anything. This is way better than loud music and champagne.” 

“Wow, choosing me over alcohol, I’m impressed.” 

“Hey, what do you take me for?” 

“I’m joking, silly.” 

A pout formed in Hyejoo’s lips, making Chaewon laugh and pinch her cheeks. 

“You’re too cute.” Chaewon rested her forehead on hers. “It’s hard to handle.” 

“How do you think I feel whenever you smile? You think that’s easy to handle?” 

“I think we’re too lame for our own good.” 

“I think we’re just too in love.” 

“I don’t think being too in love is a thing.” 

_Ten, nine, eight... _

They looked around. People shouted the countdown with raised glasses and cheers. 

“Already?” Chaewon widened her eyes. 

“Looks like it. Let’s enjoy the show.” 

A kiss before looking ahead, and the second the number one echoed, fireworks exploded in the sky above them. 

“Happy new year, Gowon.” Hyejoo intertwined their fingers and rested her head on hers. 

“Happy new year, Hyejoo.” 

“I hope you had a great year and that this one can be even better.” 

“It will be, as long as you’re with me.” Chaewon caressed her hand with her thumb. 

“I’ll never leave your side.” 

Chaewon smiled, her head turning to focus on the stunning explosions of light and color in the sky. 

\--- 

They stepped inside the hotel, not a soul in sight except for the lady at the reception, who welcomed them with a warm smile and wished them a Happy New Year. 

Chaewon walked to the elevator when a hand grasped her wrist. 

“Come with me,” Hyejoo muttered, the corner of her lips curled up. 

“I thought you wanted to go back to our room." 

“I said I wanted to come back to the hotel, not our room. I wanna take you somewhere.” 

Somewhere in the hotel? Chaewon didn’t ask, but a sudden excitement bubbled inside her. 

She followed Hyejoo through the corridors, and a weird smell reached her nose. Then, turning at the end, there was a door, and before opening it, Hyejoo looked back and shot her a smirk. 

The door flew open and Chaewon’s eyes went huge. 

“I was right,” Hyejoo said, pulling her further. “People wouldn’t be allowed to throw a party in the pool.” 

A pool. _A freaking pool_, inside the hotel, with no one aside from themselves. 

“Cool, right?” 

“B-But, how do we... can we be here?” 

“The door was open, so. If we couldn’t, the door would be locked. You said you had never swum before, so I planned this ahead of time and I got you a swimsuit.” Hyejoo handed Chaewon two pieces of clothing from her bag. 

Chaewon’s face heated up as she took a look at the simple black bottom, and the blue-flowered top Hyejoo got her. 

“Let’s go get dressed?” Hyejoo asked. 

“What if someone shows up?” 

“We are not doing anything wrong, and I doubt anyone will. It’s early, people will be partying until the sunrise.” 

Chaewon nodded and followed Hyejoo to the locker room. She took off her jacket and sweater and shivered. 

“The water is warm, rig-” But her breath got stuck in her throat when she turned. 

It was not like she hadn’t seen Hyejoo’s body countless times already, but there was something about her animal patterned bikini that made her swallow hard. 

“Yes, the water is warm. And are you gonna stand there eating me up with your eyes, or are you gonna get dressed and come?” Hyejoo smirked. 

A flush covered Chaewon’s cheeks. She hurried to change, feeling Hyejoo’s eyes on her, but was having a hard time tightening her top. 

“C-Can you help me?” She asked, turning her back at Hyejoo. 

“Hold up your hair,” Hyejoo whispered at the back of her neck, sending a chill down Chaewon’s spine. 

Chaewon complied, and soon the chill turned into small electric waves as Hyejoo’s cold body glued to her back and hands worked their way up her waist. 

“Hyejoo,” Chaewon called, but her eyes were forced shut when warm lips kissed her shoulders. 

“Yes?” Hyejoo’s breath tickled Chaewon’s ear. 

“Is this revenge for earlier?” 

“Maybe.” 

_Alright, __Chaewon__ would play along. _

She spun and grabbed onto Hyejoo’s shoulders, shoving her towards the wall. Hyejoo grunted. “I may like it rough, but not this rou-” 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon slapped her arm, her face fuming red. 

“You started it.” 

“I asked for _help,”_ Chaewon said, and looking down, she found her torso naked. “Yah! Where’s the top you were supposed to help me with?!” 

Hyejoo pointed at the floor behind them. Chaewon grabbed it and glared at her before turning her back at her again. 

“We should be careful with these tease games,” Hyejoo said, this time actually helping her. 

“Only if you could get a hold on yourself,” Chaewon said, making sure Hyejoo could hear the smirk on her lips. 

“As if.” Hyejoo scoffed. “Tell me you wouldn’t do it right-” 

“Later.” Chaewon turned and pinched her nose. “Now, pool. That’s why you brought me here, yes?” 

Hyejoo’s expression softened, and a smile crept on her lips. “Yes.” 

She grabbed Chaewon’s hand and led the way. They stopped at the edge of the pool, and Chaewon gulped. 

“How do you go in?” 

Hyejoo took a couple steps back, ran, and jumped into the water head first, her body straight from the tip of her fingers to her toes. Chaewon recoiled, eyebrows high on her forehead, watching Hyejoo’s body waving underwater, until she emerged, pushing aside the wet hair from her face. 

“Like this.” She threw Chaewon a smile, and she responded with a scowl. “I’m joking.” 

“Show off.” 

“It’s called impressing you.” Hyejoo swam towards the edge of the pool, supporting her forearms on land. “It’s warm, you can jump.” 

“I don’t know how to swim, you know.” 

“Right. Then go down the stairs.” She pointed to the other side of the pool. 

Chaewon walked, while Hyejoo swam towards the other side. She stared down, and slowly, a foot entered the water, then the other, and a smile made its way to her lips. Another step down, and another, as the water reached higher and higher on her body, her skin turning warmer, her tummy shrinking, and the smile turning into a grin. 

There weren’t any more steps. Instead, the floor became flat, the water reaching Chaewon’s chest. 

“What now?” She asked, looking ahead at Hyejoo. 

“Now dive.” 

“D-Dive?” 

Hyejoo approached and held on her breath, then all her body went underwater for a couple of seconds. “Like this.” 

“Do it with me.” 

Hyejoo smiled and reached for her hands, grasping them. “On three. One, two...” 

Chaewon held her breath and followed Hyejoo after her nod, pushing her body down. She heard a splash as the water surrounded her, then it turned into a bubbling sound. Her hair flew around her face, and her body moved in slow motion. After a second, her body was pushed back up, and the cold from the outside hit her face. 

“So?” Hyejoo asked. 

“It’s... Great.” Chaewon couldn’t find a different word to describe. 

“Right? Feels so good to be underwater. Now let’s swim.” Hyejoo pulled her, but the floor seemed to be tilting. 

“Wait.” Chaewon stopped, tiptoeing back, so the water reached only her neck. “If I go on, I won’t reach the floor.” 

“I’m here, I’ll hold you so you won’t go down. When you don’t feel the floor anymore, just move your legs back and forth one at a time, that’s enough to keep your body from dropping.” 

Chaewon gulped, but Hyejoo never let go of her hand, so she would trust her. After a step, her feet couldn’t reach the floor, so she thrashed her legs hard as Hyejoo said. 

“This is it?” Chaewon asked. 

“Yep. Easy, right?” 

She smiled, and slowly, Hyejoo let go of her. Her arms moved on her own, like her legs. “Yes.” 

“Now let’s swim. Bend your body and throw your arms forward, and push to the sides. Your legs will automatically follow.” 

Chaewon nodded and observed Hyejoo first, then mimicked her moves, feeling her body moving forward. She was swimming. 

Hyejoo dove, and she could see her body underwater. After a second, she emerged in front of her. Her wet hair was perfectly pushed back, and droplets ran down her face, shining like diamonds. 

“You’re beautiful.” Chaewon found herself mumbling. 

She didn’t answer. Hyejoo submerged half her face and approached. Her eyes above water burned the depths of Chaewon’s soul with that fire she knew too well. Chaewon did the same, and they stared at each other, their bodies drawn to one another as if the water pushed them together. 

Legs circled Chaewon’s waist. She panicked, flailing her limbs. 

“It’s okay, you won’t drown,” Hyejoo said, her arms around Chaewon’s neck. “I’ve always wanted to do this.” 

Wet lips met Chaewon’s neck. She closed her eyes, leaning in the opposite direction, exposing more skin for Hyejoo to kiss and nibble on. Their bodies glued underwater, and Chaewon’s arms snaked around Hyejoo’s torso. 

“You are beautiful, Chaewon,” Hyejoo whispered. She bit her earlobe, then trailed kisses through her jawline so she could reach her lips. 

Chaewon sucked in a breath before allowing Hyejoo to deepen the kiss. It all felt so familiar, yet so new, and all the teasing from earlier was getting harder and harder to fight back. But when hands traveled to places that shouldn’t just yet, Chaewon pulled away. 

“I-I think we should go to our room.” 

Hyejoo smirked. “And I’m the one that can’t get a hold on myself.” 

“Whose hand was on whose chest?” Chaewon glared. 

“I didn’t hear any complaints.” 

“How was I supposed to speak if you were kissing me?” 

“So, you wanted to complain.” Hyejoo irked a brow. 

“Yes, I wanted to complain about the fact that we are not in our bed upstairs.” 

“Wow, Gowon. New year, new you. You keep surprising me.” 

“I bet I could surprise you even more tonight.” Chaewon bit her lip and intertwined her fingers with Hyejoo’s. 

Hyejoo’s eyes widened as she paddled to the side of the pool. “I’ll race you to the shower.” 

\--- 

“Another round?” Chaewon asked, eyeing the lifeless body next to her. 

Hyejoo’s eyes shot open. “Y-You serious?” 

Chaewon burst out in a loud laugh. “I’m joking.” 

“Fuck,” Hyejoo sighed and let her eyes close again. “I’m exhausted.” 

“You’re not going to smoke your precious after sex cigarette?” 

Hyejoo shook her head and Chaewon smiled. 

“Well, that’s a good thing, yes? Come here.” Chaewon patted her shoulder, and using the little energy Hyejoo had left, she scooted closer and snuggled on her neck. 

Not even a minute went by and Hyejoo’s breathing became slower. 

“Before you fall asleep... Thank you.” Chaewon kissed her forehead. 

“Hm? What for?” 

“Everything. Bringing me to New York, showing me and getting me to try so many new things. I’ve never been to a zoo, or ice skated, or even swam. I feel like I tried more things in the past few months than in all my life. And it’s all because of you, so, thank you for being so thoughtful.” 

“It’s because... I love you... Gowon...” Hyejoo mumbled between steady breaths, her eyes down. 

Chaewon chuckled and caressed her hair. “It was a long day. Sleep tight, love.” 

\--- 

This was the first time Chaewon wished vacation would never end. She used to get bored from staying home for so long with nothing to do, to the point she took her textbooks to study for the following semester in advance. 

This time though, she wanted to stay at Hyejoo’s house for longer and keep their routine of watching Netflix and playing Nintendo Switch (as well as banging their heads against the walls with the Zelda puzzle and the Hogwarts castle they’d bought in New York). She couldn’t get bored, even though they spent their days doing the same things almost every single time. 

But it was time to go back to her dorm because the new semester was about to start. 

Chaewon clicked the door open and let herself in, expecting her roommates to be there to welcome her back, but she found Sooyoung sitting alone on the couch with the TV on. 

“Oh, Chaewonie!” She stood up to hug her. “Didn’t know you were coming back tonight.” 

“Classes are about to start, I needed to move back in eventually. Where’s Jiwoo?” Chaewon asked, letting her body hit the couch beside Sooyoung. 

“Out with Jungeun.” 

“Oh, that's great, isn't it? It means everything alright between them, you know, after everything. Right?” 

Sooyoung looked at her and opened her mouth, to close it again for a couple seconds. “Yes, they’re great! Actually, they’ve been hanging out more lately, but you didn’t notice because you were still at Hyejoo’s. Speaking of which, how was your vacation? New York, huh? Tell me more.” She wiggled her eyebrows. 

“Yes, it was a lot of fun. I never thought I’d see the city in person before. It’s so intimidating, but you get absorbed in the beauty of it.” 

“Ahhh man, I’m jealous,” Sooyoung whined. 

“You also went on a vacation with Jiwoo, silly.” 

“But I’ve never been to New York, even though we’re close.” 

“Next time, let’s go the four of us and do a double date trip!” 

Sooyoung froze, then laughed. “Y-Yes, that would be great! Hey, wanna watch a movie?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

While Sooyoung browsed through Netflix, Chaewon couldn’t stop wondering if there was something wrong with her. 

\--- 

A month into the new semester and they all wanted to hit their heads on the wall. The semester was only three months long, with a two-week break in the middle of March, and of course, all the teachers think the students have no other subjects to work on aside from theirs. 

They were piled in projects and tests, and even Chaewon was having a hard time managing everything between studying, resting, and spending time with Hyejoo. She wanted to be there for her, even though she was doing fairly well so far. She was determined to study and get good grades, even if it was only because of her father. Chaewon was proud to see her fighting so hard, knowing how difficult it was for her. Even if she got depressed, she managed to get her motivation up and fight through it. 

Chaewon was on her way back home at last, after yet another study session with Hyunjin. All she wanted was a warm bath because her back was killing her from sitting so long and tensing up in concentration. Some good food would be nice as well- 

She halted as she turned the corner. She wouldn’t have done it if Jungeun and Jiwoo weren’t holding hands in front of their dorm. Jungeun smiled after something Jiwoo said, and Chaewon gulped. She knew it was wrong to pry, but she couldn’t help it. Not when Jiwoo pulled Jungeun closer and kissed her... _on the lips._

Chaewon took a step back, then another, and almost ran away, wishing her eyes were tricking her, but they weren’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _*drops the bomb and runs*_


	22. It didn’t make sense

She tried everything, every explanation her brain could come up with, but nothing made sense. Chaewon added up her weird conversation with Sooyoung some time before, and it only made things more confusing. Did Sooyoung know about this? Had they broken up?! Why wouldn’t she tell her though? They were supposed to be friends. Sooyoung seemed odd before, but not particularly upset. 

Chaewon had to let that out because she couldn’t even focus on her book. She was too confused. 

The door opened and Chaewon stormed inside, with a very confused Hyejoo staring at her. 

“I’m sorry to come here without even warning, it’s just that I need to tell you something.” 

Hyejoo gulped. 

“Okay, I’m sorry for saying it like that, I know it’s a huge trigger. It’s nothing about you, or me, or us. It’s something I saw and it’s messing me up.” Chaewon explained, sitting down and patting the couch beside her for Hyejoo to do the same. 

“Okay, spit it out.” 

Chaewon took a deep breath. “Yesterday, when I was going home... in front of my dorm, t-they were, I mean, they...” 

“They? Who?” 

And when Chaewon was almost done gathering enough courage, the bell rang. She sighed and Hyejoo mumbled an apology as she stood up to open the door. 

“Oh, Kim Lip!” Hyejoo said, and Chaewon stopped breathing. “Oh, Sooyoung, Jiwoo, didn’t know you guys were coming.” 

Chaewon’s eyes widened as she watched the three of them stepping inside. 

“Chaewon just arrived as well. Are you guys up to something?” Hyejoo asked, an eyebrow irked. 

“No, but she wasn’t at the dorm, so we all thought we’d look here first, before things got out of hand,” Jungeun said. 

Hyejoo and Chaewon shared a look. 

“Out of hand? What?” Hyejoo furrowed her brows as she motioned for the three of them to come in. 

The three of them sat on the couch with Chaewon, leaving a confused Hyejoo standing up and staring at them. 

“Chaewon, we know what you saw yesterday. We saw you running.” Jiwoo held her hand, and Chaewon could only hope she didn’t feel her nervousness. 

“I-” Chaewon started, but had no idea what to say. 

“Has she told you, Hyejoo?” Jungeun asked. 

“I was about to, to be perfectly honest. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t ignore it.” Chaewon’s head dropped. 

“Don’t worry about it. We understand it was a lot to take in and the last thing we wanted was for you guys to see something before we talked and got confused about it, so actually, we’re the ones who are sorry for being so careless and such bad friends.” Jungeun sighed. 

“Wait, what?” Hyejoo asked. “What was I about to hear about anyway?” 

“Well, yesterday I saw-” 

“Chaewon saw me and Jiwoo kiss in front of the dorm.” Jungeun cut her short. 

“She saw _what_?” Hyejoo’s chin dropped, stealing a glance at her girlfriend, who shrugged at her. “I need an explanation.” 

“You’re right, you do,” Sooyoung said, sharing a reassuring look with Jiwoo. “That’s what we’re here for.” 

"There’s no easy way to say this, and I’m sorry if this is too much of a shock... or not? I don’t know anymore,” Jiwoo said, eyeing Hyejoo and Chaewon and taking a deep breath. She grabbed Sooyoung’s and Jungeun’s hands and brought them to her lap. “Well, I’m proud to announce that Jungeun is my girlfriend too. So, Sooyoung and Jungeun are now _both_ my loves.” 

Dead silence. 

“Wait... Are you serious?” Hyejoo asked. 

“Yes.” Sooyoung smiled. “We promise, it’s not a joke. Nobody’s cheating, nobody’s going behind anybody’s back. We’re all consenting and aware of each other, and there’s no hard feelings.” 

“Holy shit, guys. I noticed you two getting even closer to each other, especially on your birthday.” Hyejoo pointed at Jungeun. “And now it makes sense.” 

Jungeun looked down, trying to hide a shy smile. 

“Seriously, congrats guys, I’m a bit shook, but I’m happy for you,” Hyejoo continued. “You have all my support. I was so worried about how all of this would turn out, but it’s such a relief it worked out in a way that everyone is happy.” 

“We are.” Jiwoo squeezed their hands as they nodded. “We’re sorry we didn’t tell you guys before, we wanted to make sure all of this worked before we made it official, and we planned to tell you as soon as possible. It’s a shame that you had to find out like that, but now it’s out.” 

“How long has this been going on?” 

“A month, roughly.” 

Hyejoo wowed. “Damn, you did that. What’s better than a couple of loving gays? A _trouple_of loving gays!” 

They all laughed, except... 

“Chaewonie, you okay?” Sooyoung asked. 

“Y-Yes!” She almost jumped on the couch, as if brought back to reality. “Yes, that’s... very cool, I’m really happy for you guys.” 

Jiwoo sighed. “I’m so relieved. I was worried about how you would react. We know polyamorous relationships still don’t get a lot of visibility nowadays. It’s not like they don’t exist, they do, a lot actually. It’s a shame that society thinks that you can only love one person when it really is not like that. Not for me, at least,” Jiwoo explained. “I hope it all makes sense to you now.” 

Chaewon felt her face warming up as she exchanged a quick look with Hyejoo. “Yes, it does. I’m sorry for running away and startling you. I’m relieved.” 

It didn’t make sense. She was not relieved. 

“Now that we’re all here, together and happy, how about I order some food and drinks? Let’s have tonight to celebrate and forget about school,” Hyejoo suggested, phone already in hand. “Jungeun, call Jinsoul and Choerry, tell them to come and break the news to them.” 

\--- 

Chaewon decided not to go back to the dorm that night. Even during those hours they were supposed to celebrate and have fun, she felt like when she just arrived in Boston - after finding about Sooyoung and Jiwoo, she couldn’t look them in the eye. 

“Is everything okay?” Hyejoo grabbed her hand. 

“I just...” 

“Is it about them?” 

Chaewon nodded, avoiding her eyes. 

“Does it bother you?” 

“It’s not like it bothers me, I mean, it has nothing to do with me, it’s their life, they are the ones that know what’s best for them. It’s just...” 

“You don’t think it’s right?” 

“I don’t want to think like that! I don’t want to judge them!” Chaewon said, her eyes getting watery. 

“Hey, don’t cry.” Hyejoo held her cheeks. “Just the fact that you don’t want to feel like that is good. We all know the background you come from, we all know what you went thought just to accept yourself. This is a new thing, a new challenge for you, that I know you will accept and be fine with, even if it takes a while.” 

Chaewon lifted her head and sniffed. “I can’t imagine how Sooyoung must feel.” 

“Why? She seemed fine. But if you’re worried, talk to her. Maybe it will help you understand the situation better, if you’re that overwhelmed.” 

“Thank you, Hyejoo.” She pecked her lips. “I feel horrible. I want to be happy for them, and it’s not like I’m not, I am, seeing them all smile so much, they seem really happy. I just can’t not get worried.” 

“I don’t think you need to. I’m sure they wouldn’t do anything that would make any of the parts uncomfortable. You noticed how Sooyoung and Jungeun were talking and bickering each other like old times as well? Whatever happened between them, this helped as well.” 

“You’re right. And thank you for not judging me.” 

Hyejoo smiled. “You’re working really hard, I can tell. Tomorrow you should go talk to Sooyoung and you’ll feel better.” 

\--- 

And that’s what Chaewon did as soon as she arrived the next day, when she noticed Sooyoung alone at the dorm. She sat next to her, playing with her hands on her lap, and Sooyoung rested her hand on her leg. 

“You okay?” 

“Yes, I just wanted to talk to you.” 

“Is it about the whole situation?” Sooyoung asked, and Chaewon nodded. “I figured you would be confused. Go ahead, ask whatever you want.” 

“How do you feel? About everything?” 

“Great.” Sooyoung smiled at her. 

“Wasn’t it hard for you? I mean, how did this even happen?” 

Sooyoung laid back on the couch. “It wasn’t hard. You know they’ve been best friends for years, and if you think about it, it’s basically the same. Nothing changed between me and Jiwoo. This is not about our relationship, it’s about them. Do you know what I mean?” 

Chaewon hesitated, but shook her head. Sooyoung smiled and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. 

“Jiwoo talked to me, explained how she felt, and that she realized that maybe she felt the same as Jungeun did, and asked me what I thought about that, if I would be okay. I said yes because I know nothing would change between us.” 

“But how does one have a relationship with two people? Aren’t you afraid that she doesn’t like you the same way anymore, and that’s why she looked for another person?” 

“No,” Sooyoung said. “It’s not like that. She didn’t look for anyone. It was already there, and it just happened. Love is not something that you can measure. It’s not like you have a certain amount that you can give to one person, or have to share between more people. You love Hyejoo, but you also love me, Jiwoo, all your friends, your parents. But it’s a different type of love and relationship with every one of these people. I know Jiwoo loves me the exact same way, but she also loves Jungeun, in a different kind of way, and that’s okay. The fact that she loves her doesn’t change the way she loves me.” 

Chaewon listened to everything with her lips a thin line. 

“Does it make sense to you?” Sooyoung asked. 

“Maybe. I was just worried about you, about how you were really feeling.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I could imagine you doing this for Jiwoo, even if you weren’t a hundred percent comfortable with it. But you would still do it for her.” 

Sooyoung rested her chin on her palms. “I can’t answer that because that never occurred to me. I was always comfortable. I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay, really. I think Jiwoo actually had a harder time through all this.” 

Chaewon frowned. “Why her?” 

“When she started to realize her feelings, she tried to reject it, because she thought she was being unfaithful to me. She’d told me she had felt like this before in her life, and when I told her there was nothing wrong with her and I wouldn’t judge her, she still wouldn’t believe me. Because like she said, we grow up thinking that we can only love and be with one person at a time, and that’s what society tells us. How many times do you see people going like ‘I like this person, but I can’t help having a huge crush on this other person’? Is it really that weird and impossible to like more than one person? People just don’t even think about that possibility because of how formatted our brains are.” 

“I see...” Chaewon said, trying to wrap it all up in her head. She could relate to Jiwoo in the aspect of having a hard time accepting herself, and she never even thought Jiwoo could have suffered as well. 

And hearing Sooyoung’s explanation helped her make some sense of it, but... “It’s just, I thought like, if Hyejoo were to ever feel like that, I would assume I was lacking something, or that she wanted someone better. Or that she even wanted to leave me.” 

“I understand your fear, and you know I was afraid of that exact thing, that she was getting tired of me or would prefer someone better. Despite everything I just told you, it’s only human of me to feel insecure sometimes, and I may sound like I have it all together now, but from time to time, I can’t say I don’t get some bad thoughts.” 

“And how do you deal with that?” 

“I talk to Jiwoo, and she assures me I was never lacking anything, and that this wasn’t about her wanting someone new. Leaving me never even crossed her mind. She said this thing that really helped me. If she actually wanted to leave me, couldn’t she just break up with me and move on, since she even has someone else? Wouldn't that be easier? Instead, she chose to fight for what she felt was right, not what everybody tells her she should do. If she’d asked everyone else, they’d tell her she was falling out of love with me and should be with Jungeun, but she knew that wasn’t what she felt and refused to accept that as her only option.” 

Chaewon opened her mouth and closed it again. Sooyoung chuckled. 

“So as you can see, nothing changed. We still have our plans to move in together after we graduate, all of that will be the same, more or less. It’s definitely not conventional, but to me it’s a very valid form of having a relationship.” 

“What about Jungeun? Was she okay with everything?” 

“As far as I know, yes. This was all discussed between the three of us, to make sure everyone was okay and comfortable with it.” 

“Can I ask you what happened between the two of you?” 

Sooyoung sighed. “The more she realized she loved Jiwoo, the worst she felt. Like, really bad. As if she was betraying me for liking my girlfriend.” Sooyoung shook her head. “So, she thought the best option was to distance herself from me. Honestly, I don’t get why she thought that was the best option, but I also don’t blame her. She really didn’t know what to do, and after that... thing that happened at the thanksgiving party, she realized her actions didn’t make much sense. It still took us some time to be back at what we were, but it doesn’t matter. It matters that we’re all good and happier than before. Jiwoo feels more fulfilled, I have Jungeun back, and Jungeun also has someone to love her now. Everybody wins!” 

Chaewon nodded. 

“Wanna ask something else or say something?” Sooyoung asked. 

“I don’t know... this is still all very new to me, I think it will take some time to get used to it. It’s like my brain can’t understand how that works, you know. And I’m sorry, I don’t want to feel like this. When I saw them kissing, I was in shock. Doesn’t it... bother you?” 

“Seeing them kissing?” Sooyoung laughed. “No. It’s just kisses. If someone dared me or Jiwoo to kiss you or Hyejoo or anyone in the group, we would do it. We don’t see any problem with that.” 

Chaewon widened her eyes and felt her face warm up, and Sooyoung waved her hands. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It was just an example.” 

“Y-Yes, I know, I was just surprised.” Chaewon let out a nervous laugh. “But, isn’t it different? A kiss from a dare and a kiss with that kind of feeling?” 

“Isn’t the feeling there with or without kisses, or any type of physical contact?” Sooyoung smiled, and once again, Chaewon was left with no words. “If I have no interest in stopping the feeling, it doesn’t even make sense for that to bother me.” Sooyoung grabbed Chaewon’s hand, making her meet her eyes. “Everything’s great, I swear. You don’t have to worry. We hope you can be comfortable around us, when the three of us are together. If you ever feel uncomfortable or want to say or ask anything, please do.” 

She promised she would make an extra effort to understand it all, also because everyone else didn’t seem bothered at all. Hearing it all directly from Sooyoung helped. She would trust and believe them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah, I know no one was expecting this. That was the main reason I ended the previous chapter the way I did, once again, so you felt like Gowon did. Of course she wouldn't think they were in a polyamorous relationship, as didn't you guys, at least the ones that commented ahaha
> 
> Polyamorous relationships have very little representation in stories and media, unless the story is actually about that. That's why everyone automatically assumed either Jiwoo and Sooyoung broke up, or Jiwoo was cheating on her, because that's normally what happens in these situations. Also, please don't hate on Jungeun, she actually didn't do anything wrong, it was never my intention to make her the "bad guy" ahahahah
> 
> I sincerely hope everyone enjoyed the chapter and this bit of representation on different relationship formats. For me it's a very important chapter, since I wrote this based on personal experience, so I hope I managed to get through to everyone c':


	23. Back at it

There was less than a week left until their much-needed vacation, but Chaewon couldn’t slack off. In fact, she had to work harder and study even more, because assignments were piling up and she didn’t seem to find enough time to work her best in everything, while still spending enough time with Hyejoo. At least she would have more time to rest and study as she didn’t have to attend classes during the break. 

It was Friday, and Chaewon was committed to finish at least of one her assignments, even if she had to stay awake until the sun rose. 

That was until her phone rang near midnight. 

_[__Hyejoo__]_   
_I know it’s late, but can you come here?_

Chaewon gulped, and without a second thought, she stood up, grabbed her jacket and keys, and stormed off. 

That wasn’t usual. Hyejoo would always prioritize Chaewon and wouldn’t call her that late if it wasn’t urgent. 

She sprinted to Hyejoo’s house, and she could barely step inside before Hyejoo’s body collapsed against hers in the tightest hug she could remember. A quiet sob escaped Hyejoo’s lips, and it felt like a stab to Chaewon’s heart. It was then that, above Hyejoo’s shoulder, Chaewon noticed Nana’s vase shredded into countless pieces on the floor, the white french roses laying among the broken glass. 

“Hyejoo...” Chaewon whispered, rubbing her back and caressing her hair. “What happened?” 

Hyejoo remained silent, only another quiet sob escaping among the silence. Chaewon guided Hyejoo to the couch, sitting with her. As slow as she could, she placed her hand on Hyejoo’s chin and lifted her face so she could take a good look at her. The red, swollen eyes, the tears rolling down her cheeks, and the trembling lips. Upon that sight, Chaewon cupped her cheeks, kissed her forehead, and hugged her again, letting her arms and the silence comfort her. 

“I’m sorry,” Hyejoo muttered, then sniffed and pulled away, resting her back on the couch. “I tried to handle this alone, but...” 

Chaewon held her hand between hers. “You don’t have to handle it alone. I’m here.” 

A small smile crept on Hyejoo’s lips, ripping one from Chaewon as well. 

“I think the vase cut my leg,” Hyejoo said, crossing her right leg on top of her left thigh. A thin line of blood ran from a cut on her shin, all the way down to her foot. 

“Oh my god, Hyejoo, I’m gonna get something to clean that up.” 

Chaewon darted from the couch to pick the first aid box and a wet cloth from the bathroom and came running back, sitting on the floor. 

“How did this happen?” Chaewon asked, cleaning the blood from her leg. 

“I was smoking by the window when I received a text.” Hyejoo paused, and Chaewon stopped, meeting her eyes. It felt as if Hyejoo would cry again any second now. “I was trying to contain the anger and everything inside of me, but I don’t know what happened. It’s like my memory is fogged, and when I noticed, Nana’s vase was on the floor. I think a shard might have cut my leg when it broke. Everything came crashing down on me, I tried to regain my senses like you taught me, but it was too much.” 

Chaewon fetched some gauze and pressed it against her cut, stronger as the seconds passed. Maybe to hold her own tears that wanted to set free since the moment she saw Hyejoo crying. Why did Hyejoo keep having to go through that? 

“You okay?” Hyejoo asked. 

“Y-Yeah.” Chaewon cleared her throat and turned her face away, trying to clean the single tear that escaped her eye. “Your wound is not deep, you’ll be fine.” 

“What is it? Are you crying?” 

Chaewon shook her head, still looking away, but as Hyejoo’s hands touched her shoulder, her muscles relaxed. 

“Gowon,” Hyejoo called, so soft it caressed Chaewon’s ears, and at last, she stood up and sat next to her. 

“It’s not fair. You’re suffering already just by being here, why can’t you have at least have some peace while you’re at it? Why can’t I go through it instead of you? Why can’t-” 

“Hey, it sucks that I’m going through this, but it wouldn’t suck any less if I was watching you suffer.” Hyejoo caressed her cheeks, wiping another tear with her thumb. “It’s hard on both of us already, so what’s the point?” 

Chaewon sighed and nodded. 

Hyejoo chuckled, hugging Chaewon around her shoulders and pulling her into her chest. “You already go through it with me. You’re here, aren’t you? You’re with me since the very beginning. I’m stronger because of you. I’m hanging on because of you. You already do so much more than you probably think you do.” 

“I’m doing my best,” Chaewon muttered, her voice muffled against Hyejoo’s chest. 

“Your best is already much more than I could hope for.” Hyejoo kissed the top of Chaewon’s head. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

At least Hyejoo was feeling better. Chaewon would gladly take the sacrifice of a few hours of sleep to study if it meant she could be of help to her. 

\--- 

“Chaewon.” 

She turned. “Yes, Professor Minatozaki?” 

“Can I talk with you for a second?” 

Chaewon gulped. 

“I’ll wait for you outside,” Hyunjin smiled at her, bowed at the professor, and left. 

Before professor Minatozaki could even start, Chaewon bowed. “I’m sorry for falling asleep during class.” 

“You seem exhausted, and I’m not saying this just because you fell asleep. Your last assignment was considerably weaker than your previous one.” 

Chaewon dropped her head. 

“I’m not going to scold you. I’m saying this because I’m worried about you, Chaewon. You need to rest more. There is no use in overworking yourself if it doesn’t pay off and if that means you’re sacrificing sleep hours. Please, rest a lot during break, okay?” 

“Yes.” 

Professor Minatozaki giggled and patted her head. “And try spending some time with your girlfriend and go do something fun. For at least a few days try not to think about school, okay?” 

Chaewon nodded. “Thank you, professor.” 

“Now, off you go. Enjoy your break.” 

With a last bow, Chaewon darted away. 

It was exactly because of her girlfriend that she was getting exhausted and behind on school work. Chaewon shook her head. Hyejoo’s wellbeing was her priority, she could take care of the rest after. It’s not like she wasn’t used to lack of sleep and overworking. That was how she managed to get her scholarship, after all. 

“Did she give you shit?” Hyunjin asked as soon as Chaewon stepped outside the classroom. 

“Not really. It was the opposite, in fact. She told me to enjoy the break and rest a lot.” 

“And that’s exactly what we’re going to do! I’m gonna have dinner with Heejin, wanna call Hyejoo and go the four of us?” 

Yes, that was exactly that Chaewon needed. 

\--- 

Like professor Minatozaki advised, Chaewon spent some days with Hyejoo at her house during break. It felt great to not worry about school even if for a few days, but soon the voice in the back of her head telling her she still had things to do rang. She was well rested, so it was time to go back to her dorm and work, or else things would pile up and she couldn’t afford failing and losing her scholarship. 

Her phone ringing interrupted Chaewon’s focus. Without taking her eyes from her computer, she answered the call. 

“Gowon, they’re out having fun, let’s join them!” 

“I-I’m kinda busy, Hyejoo.” 

“But we’re still on break, come oonnn, I don’t wanna go have fun without you.” 

Chaewon pictured Hyejoo’s pout and puffy cheeks in her mind, making her smile. She sighed and rubbed her temples. “Alright, I’ll go.” 

“Yes! Meet me at my door, we’ll go together.” 

There could still be a balance between work and fun, so it wouldn’t do any harm to take a break now and spend some time with everyone. 

“Wow, you didn’t throw the tower down!” Hyejoo patted Chaewon’s back, laughing at Jungeun who, for once, was the first to throw it down. 

“I think I’m getting better at it.” Chaewon beamed. 

“And Jungeun, the mighty queen of Jenga, what happened?” Sooyoung laughed along. 

“Am I not allowed to fail now?” Jungeun answered without a hint of a smile whatsoever, then drank her glass in one go. Sooyoung dropped her head, her laugh disappearing. 

Chaewon stared at them both. Jiwoo, sitting in the middle, volunteered to set the tower up with Jinsol. 

The game went on, until Hyejoo threw the tower down (for the second time in a row), earning a collective laugh. “Okay, fuck this game. Gonna have a cigarette instead.” 

Hyejoo gave Chaewon a kiss on her cheek before standing up and walking outside, with Jungeun following behind her. 

“I-I’m gonna use the toilet.” Sooyoung stood up as well, rushing outside. Jiwoo exchanged a look with Chaewon and Jinsol and followed behind Sooyoung, giving them a small smile before leaving the two girls alone. 

“Am I seeing things, or something is going on?” Jinsol asked before taking a sip of her beer. 

“Thank God, I thought I was the only one.” Chaewon sighed. “Sooyoung and Jungeun don’t even look at each other.” 

“Right? What the fuck is happening? I thought they were all okay.” 

“Me too. I have no idea what’s happening. They were okay until very recently. I don’t get it.” 

“You live with them. Did something happen?” 

Chaewon frowned, trying to search her mind for something, anything at all. But she had been spending so much time in her room or away with Hyejoo that she’d barely been spending any time at all with her roommates. 

“I don’t know.” Chaewon sulked on her chair. How come she didn’t notice before? What kind of friend was she, after all? She took a deep breath and stood up. “I’m going to get some air.” 

“Sure. Hey, Choerry, time for your break, and bring us another beer.” 

“You know I can’t drink while I’m working.” Chaewon still heard Choerry say with a chuckle as she walked outside. 

Maybe she should talk to Hyejoo. She’s great friends with Jungeun, maybe she knows something, or noticed- 

“...have the weed already?” 

Chaewon stopped, praying she either heard it wrong, or she mistook the voice. 

“I’m gonna meet the guy tomorrow, so I’ll drop by your house after. You free?” 

“Yes, just tell me before to make sure I’m alone.” 

“Are you hiding it from Chaewon again?” 

“Shut the fuck up, you know what I’m going through. And Jiwoo doesn’t know you’re back at it either, does she?” 

Holding her breath, Chaewon turned on her heels and went back inside. 

Chaewon should have never left her room in the first place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I even feel bad posting this chapter on such a happy day that is TODAY AND TOMORROW AND WE ARE REALLY HAVING A NEW SONG, IT'S SO HARD TO BELIEVE T^T
> 
> Anyway, yeah, hope you enjoyed the chapter :)))


	24. Effort

Chaewon clicked the door open, and as she stepped inside, Sooyoung sniffed and cleared her eyes. 

“Sooyoung? Are you okay?” 

“H-Hey, Chaewonie. Yeah, I’m fine, I just got emotional with the movie.” 

Chaewon looked at the TV, but some cooking show was playing instead. She sighed and sat next to her, resting a hand on her leg. “Is this about Jiwoo?” 

Sooyoung dropped her head. “It’s not about Jiwoo, we’re fine.” 

“Then, what is it? You can talk to me. It’s Jungeun, right?” 

Sooyoung let out an ugly sob, nodding. Chaewon pulled her to her chest, hugging her tight. 

“Jiwoo guarantees it’s nothing about me, and that Jungeun's making an effort, but I don’t see it! I don’t understand why she doesn’t talk to me, barely even looks at me, does she hate me that much?” 

With each word, Sooyoung squeezed Chaewon harder, gripping on her jacket. 

“Jungeun doesn’t hate you.” 

“Then why?” 

“Have you spoken to her? Asked her about her feelings?” 

“Jiwoo told me she’s been trying to figure them out herself.” Sooyoung pulled away, clearing her eyes once more. “Jungeun is complicated. I bet she doesn’t quite know herself. But do you know what’s the worst in all of this? Whenever something happens, Jiwoo is the one suffering, because it always ends up being her solving our messes. And I hate myself for that.” 

“And I’m sure Jungeun also doesn’t want that to happen, right? Look, I don’t understand what’s going on between you two, but I think you should talk to Jungeun.” 

“For her to tell me she’s fine like she always does? I can tell when something is off, but she doesn’t talk to me. I’ve tried, believe me. I try to understand her, I try to talk to her, but she always cuts me off. I don’t even understand how we got to this point. Everything was so good when it started, we were back at being best friends, but it seemed it all changed when I got my crisis.” 

“What crisis?” Chaewon frowned. 

“Well, I thought I would be super okay with it all the time, but I’m human too. One time I got crazy insecure and took it out on both of them.” 

“Maybe she’s scared that it happens again so she’s walking on eggshells.” 

“Well, it has happened! Because she’s acting this way!” More tears ran down Sooyoung’s eyes. “Jiwoo and I even fought because of this. I’m afraid she’ll get tired of my shit if I don’t stop being jealous for no reason. I swear I’m trying, but it makes me even more anxious to know that every single time I falter I could make everything worse.” 

“It sounds exactly like something Jungeun could feel herself, don’t you think? Maybe she also thought she would be super okay with it like you said.” Chaewon grabbed her hand. “And remember your own words. If Jiwoo is fighting for this, it’s because she wants to be with you.” 

Sooyoung looked at her and showed the smallest of smiles. 

“I think you’re projecting it on Jiwoo, when your problem is with Jungeun. Why do you get jealous?” 

“Sometimes it seems Jiwoo reacts differently to her. Or that she’s actually tired of me.” 

“Did you feel like that when you and Jungeun were good?” 

“No.” 

“Then you see how it isn’t about Jiwoo? You miss Jungeun, don’t you? And it upsets you that she found a friend in Jiwoo and left you behind.” 

And it seemed Chaewon touched right on her wound, because Sooyoung sobbed again. “I miss her, despite everything. I just wanted things to go back to normal, but I get so anxious, I’ll pick at anything to prove my point that she doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t care, and every time we’re together, shit happens because I get anxious again. It’s like I’m not allowed to feel anything, she’ll assume it was her, so she prefers to stay away not to make anything worse.” 

“It could be that you’re projecting your fears about Jiwoo on each other. Say, you feel like she might have found someone more exciting for her than yourself and that she’s grown tired of you. Maybe Jungeun feels threatened by the solidity of your relationship with Jiwoo, like she means less to her than you do. Or something like that.” 

“Then why would she take it out on me?” 

“Why would you take it out on her?” 

Sooyoung pursed her lips and looked down. “There’s no reason for any of us to be feeling like that. And on my part, I know that and it makes me that much more frustrated.” 

“It seems that you really have to work things out between the two of you. It’s like you don’t trust each other anymore. Each of you thinks the other is out to keep Jiwoo for herself, and although I don’t understand how that feels myself, it doesn’t seem like it’s Jiwoo’s intention at all to choose a side. You’re both acting like she’s eventually going to do that, and if you keep at it, she might end up choosing to walk away from both of you.” 

“Do you think she’ll do that?” Sooyoung grabbed her by the arms, panicked look on her face. 

“Hey, I’m not saying this to make you even more insecure. What I’m trying to say is that you’re so absorbed in fighting each other for Jiwoo, that you’re forgetting to consider how Jiwoo feels at all, and I bet she doesn’t feel that comfortable either. I never thought I’d see someone as upbeat as Jiwoo so down as I saw her the other night at the table. She’s suffering a lot too.” 

“This is ridiculous.” Sooyoung scoffed. “I don’t want to lose Jiwoo over this. I love her so much.” 

“And it’s clear that she loves both of you very much. But you told me once that love alone doesn’t sustain relationships. It takes real effort. And it can become really exhausting if that effort is one-sided and, in the end, unfruitful.” 

“Then Jungeun needs to really make an effort. I don’t see it.” 

“Yes, she does. And you need to keep at it too. I know things will be okay because the three of you love each other, each in their own way. There’s no need for this to happen.” Chaewon patted Sooyoung’s back. 

“Thank you so much, Chaewonie. I say it again, you’re going to make a great therapist.” 

Chaewon showed a big ear to ear grin, as she pulled Sooyoung into a hug. Helping people filled her heart with pride and happiness, and at least for those minutes, she could forget about Hyejoo and the fact that she still hadn’t told her about anything. 

\--- 

Maybe Chaewon should confront Hyejoo with the truth. If she always vouched for honesty, then pretending not to know as to test Hyejoo would make her a hypocrite. 

But wasn’t Hyejoo lying to her too? No, perhaps she was waiting for the right time to tell her and Chaewon had promised herself she wouldn’t jump to judgments so fast. But if that was the case, would it really hurt to confront Hyejoo? Would she be mad? Think that she’d been spying on her? 

Chaewon stopped trying to convince herself she was assimilating any word in her textbook and slammed it shut. 

Paying Hyejoo a surprise visit wasn’t a bad idea. To see how she was doing, if she needed some company or help with anything, or to spend some time with her girlfriend. It had nothing to do with the chance of catching Hyejoo red-handed so she could confront her with it and not have to bring up her accidental eavesdropping at all. 

Chaewon halted midway down the road to Hyejoo’s house. What did she think she was going to achieve with this? Was it worth it to be so distrustful and force an argument instead of letting things flow? 

Yes, yes it was. Chaewon needed to get that off of her mind once and for all so she could focus on studying again, something she had been utterly failing at since the incident. 

When Hyejoo opened the door with that gummy smile of hers, Chaewon didn’t know if she felt more relaxed or even worse about possibly taking that away. 

Without saying anything, Hyejoo pulled Chaewon inside, closed the door, and embraced her, kissing her forehead. Chaewon let her body mold against Hyejoo’s, forgetting for a brief moment the reason that brought her there. 

“Is everything okay?” Hyejoo pulled away, cupping her cheeks. 

“Yes, I thought I could pay you a visit, see how you’re doing.” 

Hyejoo pinched her cheeks and guided Chaewon to the couch, sitting together. “I was studying, I have a test soon.” 

Chaewon looked at the mess of books and papers scattered all around the coffee table, then at Hyejoo. At the dark circles under her eyes, at the lingering smile on her lips. 

“Have you been sleeping well?” 

“Trying. But don’t worry, I’m fine.” 

Chaewon wanted to believe it, but she couldn’t. It was best if she went straight to the point instead of beating around the bush. 

“Actually, I came here to talk about something, Hyejoo.” 

Hyejoo’s body tensed up. Chaewon knew how much of a trigger that was, but she didn’t have time to prepare herself, or to even think about how to bring it up, or what to ask, or- 

“It’s about Jiwoo and all.” Chaewon blurted. 

Hyejoo released the breath she was holding. “Is it bothering you again?” 

“No, it’s not that. Did Jungeun tell you something? What she might be feeling, or talked with you about something?” 

“No, not really. She doesn’t talk much about that, and I don’t ask either. As long as they’re okay, I’m okay. I think it’s a good sign that she’s not bringing anything up.” 

“Actually, no. I don’t think things are going that great.” 

Hyejoo frowned. “Really?” 

“It’s not about Jiwoo, it’s between Jungeun and Sooyoung. You didn’t notice how they barely talk to each other once again?” 

“Maybe? What happened?” 

“The other day I arrived at the dorm and Sooyoung was crying and we talked but I still don't understand it fully. Sooyoung said I was really helpful, but I have to admit I had no idea what I was doing or what I should say. I never went through something like that.” 

There was silence as Hyejoo nodded. “I’ll talk to Jungeun to see if I can get anything from her.” 

“No, it’s okay. I was just worried and wanted to let this out. They’re great people, I just want them to be happy. But it all seems so hard to manage, it pained me a lot to see Sooyoung suffering. I don’t want her relationship with Jiwoo to suffer because of this. They’ve been together for so long...” 

“It won’t. And remember, this was all their choice, no one was forced to do anything.” 

“I know.” Chaewon nodded, looking down at her hand intertwined with Hyejoo’s. “Personally, I don’t think I would be capable of that.” 

“Why?” 

“Why?” Chaewon repeated, meeting her eyes. “Because... I don’t know, I-” 

“That’s a bit offensive. You shouldn’t say that in front of them. Or at all.” 

Chaewon’s eyebrows rose on her forehead. “What?” 

“It’s judgmental. It kind of sends a message that you think it’s wrong and immoral, so you wouldn’t do it yourself.” 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not judging.” 

“Then what did you mean?” 

“Like I said, it seems hard to manage. It looks like it’s putting a lot of strain on all of them and I don’t know if I would be up to that, personally.” Chaewon frowned. “But why are you even that upset?” 

“You know I hate to see people get judged. I don’t like it myself and I don’t like it when it’s about my friends.” 

Chaewon blinked. “They’re my friends too. And I already said I wasn’t judging, but you didn’t listen.” 

“I did listen, but I’m not following.” 

“Well, imagine one day I came up to you and told you I loved someone else too. Would you be fine with it and be able to do all that emotional labor?” 

“Yes, why not? As long as you still loved me the same, yes, I don’t see any harm in that. I’d never thought of it before I saw them but it’s clear to me that it’s possible. It doesn’t really look like Jiwoo loves Sooyoung any less because of Jungeun. So what you’re saying is that you wouldn’t give me the same kind of understanding if it was me?” Hyejoo scoffed. 

Chaewon’s chin dropped. 

“That’s not what I'm saying. Of course, I would try to understand, but right now I don’t think I could.” Chaewon narrowed her eyes. “Wait, why are you so defensive about this? Is there something I should know about?” 

“For fuck’s sake, no, Gowon. I’m trying to make a point here, and you totally missed it.” 

“Well, then I’m sorry if I can’t give you such an immediate answer. It’s not as easy as you think it is-” 

“How do you know? Didn’t you just say that only who goes through it can really know?” 

“I’m seeing how it’s affecting Sooyoung and Jiwoo and Jungeun!” 

“It doesn’t mean it has to be that way for everyone!” 

“Why are we even arguing over this if none of us is even in that situation, then? Didn’t you just say it only concerns them?” 

“It’s not about us, it’s about you being judgmental again when you said you’d try not to,” Hyejoo yelled. 

“Oh, yeah? Look who said she’d be honest with me and is now smoking weed again behind my back.” Chaewon crossed her arms. 

Time stopped. The air felt impossible to breathe. 

“How... D-Did you go through my phone?” Hyejoo asked, a vein popping out on her temple. 

“No, I accidentally overheard when you asked Jungeun to get some for you the other day.” 

Hyejoo shot up from the couch, turning her back at Chaewon. “So I’m the only one who has to be honest? You can go sneaking up on people’s conversations and keep that to yourself so you can use it against me when you please?” 

“Excuse me?!” Chaewon stood up, but Hyejoo didn’t flinch. “Weren’t you the one who lied in the first place? Is it so wrong to wait for you to be honest with me? What, so you’re telling me that I can’t wait for you to tell me the truth, but I can’t confront you with what I heard either? What was I supposed to do, then?” 

Hyejoo turned back to meet her eyes, her brows furrowed so hard they could crease her forehead. “You were supposed to not test me and to not judge me for smoking in the first place.” 

Chaewon opened her mouth to retaliate, but took a second to breathe. 

“This isn’t you, Hyejoo. I know what this is.” Chaewon balled her fists. “You're taking those shady pills again as well, aren’t you?” 

Hyejoo looked away, the truth piercing every inch of Chaewon’s skin. 

“Why?” Chaewon took a step closer. “Do you think whatever reason you have to be doing this is worth risking your health and your relationships?” 

“Stop!” Hyejoo cried, head down. “I had to, there was no other way!” 

“Other way to what? Hyejoo, I deserve your honesty at least this once. What else are you hiding?” 

“My father found out about us!” 

Words that hurt more than a punch to the face, making Chaewon take a step back, fighting her own lungs to take a breath. 

“W-What? How?” 

“Our trip to New York. I thought it would be okay, but he noticed the money I spent and confronted me. I denied, but he knows.” 

“How could you leave me out of this?” 

“I was afraid, I didn’t want to worry you, I thought it was for the best to keep it to myself and I could handle it on my own without bringing you into this-” 

“For the best? What does any of us gain from you hiding it? Look where it’s gotten you!” 

“Do you have any fucking idea of the position I was in? If it was you, would you tell me, knowing how that could affect us or knowing how worried I would be?” 

“Yes! Yes, because we promised each other to always be honest, and because I would like to know I could rely on you to help me go through it and solve the situation.” 

“Solve what? There’s no solving dear old dad. He’s on my tail for dating a girl again. Imagine what would happen if I also blew my grades this semester.” Hyejoo pretended to think for a moment. “Wait! I don’t have to imagine because I get texts every single day telling me exactly what will happen. Do you have any idea what that’s like?” 

“You’re right, I don’t. But if you had let me help, maybe we could have found better coping strategies than straight out numbing yourself into focus.” 

Hyejoo scoffed. “No fancy _coping strategies_ or whatever pretentious shit you want to call them can save me. I can’t be sitting on my ass talking about my feelings hoping it somehow becomes easier. My exams won’t wait for me to learn how to deal with my shit any other way, and I wasn’t about to risk being beaten to the point of ending up in a hospital. So what, this crap’s messed up alright? It’s either maybe ending up in a hospital with a bad fucking trip, or with a couple broken bones. I’ll take the first one any day, thank you very much.” 

“Are you even listening to yourself? Did you even take a moment to consider how this would affect not only you, but people around you who love you, care for you, and want to see you at your best?” 

“Ah, of course, you’re making this about you. That’s more important than what I’m going through.” 

“Are you serious?!” Chaewon brought her hands to her head and let out a loud huff. “I’ve been exhausted to a point of sleeping in classes and getting lectures from my professors, my grades are taking a hit and I’m risking my scholarship. I thought it was all worth it and I could bounce back from it because I was making a difference.” Chaewon took another step back, feeling her eyes warmer at each second. 

“Oh, yes, go on about how that’s also all my fault as if you haven’t given me enough of a scold--” 

“That’s _fucking _enough!” 

Hyejoo’s eyes went huge. Chaewon herself was shocked for a second. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through that, but there’s nothing more I can do. I did everything I could for you, but I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” Chaewon grabbed her bag and turned towards the door, fighting her tears harder. 

“W-Wait, Gowon.” 

A hand grabbed Chaewon’s, making her stop. “You hide things from me, lie to me over and over again, and I really thought that you’d changed for good. On top of that, I came here only to hear that nothing I ever did made a difference and you’re still convinced you’re doing the right thing.” Chaewon released her hand from Hyejoo’s grasp and looked at her one last time. At the face of the person she loved so much, but hurt her even more. “I can't be the only one making an effort anymore, Hyejoo. I just can’t. I hope you find peace, but I can’t take part in leading you to it.” 

And without giving her heart time to feel weak, she opened the door and left, giving up on fighting the tears that let loose the second the door closed behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gowon said a bad word! o:


	25. Call me right now

Chaewon wished she could fall asleep and wake up in an alternate universe where she never listened to that conversation. 

The last thing she wanted to see was her face in the mirror, all puffy and looking miserable. But her damn nose wouldn’t stop running. She dragged herself to the bathroom, scolding herself for not bringing tissues to her room when she arrived. 

Doing her best to avoid facing the mirror, she hastily grabbed a couple of tissues and searched for the door again. After she went back to bed, it dawned on her. 

What had she done? Had she broken up with Hyejoo? Like, for real? 

But it didn’t matter how much Hyejoo hurt her, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. How she must be feeling, what could she be doing. What if she’s drinking too much? Or taking more pills? 

But there was nothing more she could do at this point. Hyejoo didn’t want to be helped, and Chaewon had to take whatever strength she had left to focus on recovering the broken pieces and fixing her grades. 

\--- 

Chaewon’s mind couldn’t be more absent from that class. Instead of listening, she checked her phone like a maniac. But nothing. 

And it all hurt even more. Hyejoo hadn’t even texted her. What was Chaewon even expecting?_ I’m so sorry? _

The thought of Hyejoo hurt so much. Because what Chaewon remembered was her smile, and how tenderly she always held her and kissed her cheeks and lips, and the sweet and lame words she told her for no reason at all, or to embarrass her, and how none of that would happen again- 

“Chaewon.” Hyunjin’s voice brought her down from her painful memories. “What’s wrong?” 

“Hm? What?” 

“You’re crying.” 

Chaewon widened her eyes and touched her face, lowering her head and sniffing. _Crying in class? _

“Do you want to leave?” 

“No, no, I’m fine.” Chaewon cleared her eyes and straightened her back, pretending to pay attention again. 

Hyunjin didn’t say anything, but only until the end of class. 

“You’re not okay.” Hyunjin held on Chaewon’s wrist as she tried to rush out. “What happened? Do you want to talk?” 

“I appreciate your worry, but it’s okay,” Chaewon said, barely looking back at her. 

“Okay, but please talk to me if you need something.” 

“Thank you, Hyunjin.” Chaewon gave her a small, forced smile, and walked outside when Hyunjin released the grip on her. 

It was too soon to talk when Chaewon didn’t even know where they stood right now. 

The day dragged for too long, and not even for a second did Chaewon stop thinking about Hyejoo. If she should send her a text, call her, or go check on her, because she was so worried, she felt sick. But she bet Hyejoo didn’t even want to hear her voice, let alone see her face. 

Did Chaewon want to see her? She was so confused, and she didn’t know how she felt anymore. 

But the lack of sleep from the previous night and the long day exhausted her to the point she fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow that night, after successfully avoiding any conversation with Sooyoung or Jiwoo. 

\--- 

Chaewon thought she had seen Hyejoo the next morning, but it wasn’t her. 

When she was forcing herself to eat lunch, she almost dropped her chopsticks when she also thought Hyejoo walked by, but it still wasn’t her. 

Was Hyejoo skipping classes? 

Chaewon couldn’t stop thinking it was all her fault. 

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, making her jump on her seat. 

_[__Jiwoo__] _   
_What happened with __Hyejoo__? She’s been ignoring all our texts and calls for two days. Is she mad at us? Sorry to drag you into this, but we’re really worried :( _

Her heart shot with so much force she felt dizzy. She didn’t know what to answer. Should she tell her the truth? She could pretend she didn’t see the message. But how would she avoid Jiwoo back at the dorm? 

With trembling fingers, she typed, erased, and typed again. 

_[__Chaewon__] _   
_We fought that night, and we haven’t talked since. _

That was all she could write with the panic starting to take over her body. Hyejoo was only isolating, right? 

Jiwoo didn’t answer back, and Chaewon couldn’t stop checking her phone every minute. Should she text Hyejoo? Maybe she would answer her. But what would she even say? 

Having a stabilized breathing had become an almost impossible task by now. And the last thing she wanted was to catch Hyunjin’s attention. 

“Chaewon, you’re at this again. I’m really worried.” 

Chaewon clenched her jaw and cursed in her mind, then cursed for having cursed. 

“Don’t worry, Hyunjin. I don’t want to trouble you with something that’s going to pass eventually.” 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Maybe it’s easier if you talk it out.” 

“I don’t think there’s any way it will become easier.” 

“I can’t change your mind, but you know I’ll be here if you eventually come to that yourself.” 

Chaewon didn’t answer. Not when she received another text. 

_[__Jiwoo__] _   
_Call me right now. _

There was no time to think about how wrong it was to leave mid-class without an explanation. Chaewon only had time to stuff her things into her bag, mumble an apology to Hyunjin, and leave, glad that at least it was professor Minatozaki’s class, and that she could apologize to her later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this was a rather short chapter, and because you're probably suffering, I'm going to update again TOMORROW :DDD


	26. What was best

Chaewon turned the corner and at the end of the corridor. Jungeun paced back and forth, her arms crossed on her chest. She rushed, Sooyoung and Jiwoo jolting up from the bench as she approached. 

“C-Chaewon-” 

“What happened?” 

There was silence while the girls exchanged worried looks. 

“What the _fuck_ happened?!” Chaewon asked again. 

The girls widened their eyes. 

“We’re still waiting to know what happened. Hyejoo wasn’t answering any of us, we went to her apartment, there was no answer, we asked her teachers, she didn’t show up to any class yesterday or today,” Jungeun explained. “So we went back, she still wasn’t answering and we called the police. I told them she could be in danger due to her recent habits, so they broke in and... She was on the floor, unconscious.” 

Everything spun around Chaewon. She let her back hit the nearest wall, and her legs lost any strength she still had left. There were voices, a hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault,” Chaewon mumbled, closing her eyes and asking for His help, wondering if she was even worthy of it anymore. 

“It doesn’t matter what happened between you two, this is not your fault,” Sooyoung said. 

“But I could have prevented this!” 

“How?” Jiwoo asked. 

Chaewon didn’t answer. If she hadn’t confronted her with the truth, this wouldn’t have happened. If she stopped being a petty girlfriend and cared about her for real, this wouldn't have happened. 

“Chaewon, couples fight. If you guys did, it was because something was bothering you and you had to take care of it. There was no way you could have known this would happen. And you couldn’t not talk fearing something like this could happen, that’s just toxic,” Jiwoo continued. “Couples who are afraid to talk their feelings out, fearing the other’s reaction, don’t work out.” 

A door opened, stealing the girls’ attention. Sooyoung and Jungeun helped Chaewon up. 

“H-How’s she?” Jungeun asked. 

“She’s awake.” The petite nurse smiled. “Seems like she doesn’t remember much.” 

“But, what happened?” Sooyoung asked, squeezing Chaewon’s hand. 

“She had been taking excessive medication for ADHD, along with alcohol and more than likely, marijuana. It points to overdose. But we are already doing what we can and she’s out of danger, all thanks to her friends having taken notice in time.” The nurse gave them a kind smile and walked back inside the room. 

“I should have told you all. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine,” Jungeun muttered, her face drained of color and fixated on the floor. 

“You knew about everything she’d been doing?!” Sooyoung uttered in shock. 

“I didn’t know it was this bad.” 

“Still, you should have--” 

“Enough!” Jiwoo yelled. “Hyejoo is on the other side of the wall, she’s probably scared and in pain, but she’s going to be okay. That is all that matters. It’s nobody’s fault.” 

Sooyoung took a deep breath and patted Jungeun’s shoulder. The latter shook her head and placed her hand on top of hers. 

At that moment, the nurse peeked from the inside. 

“Would any of you like to come in and see Hyejoo? One at a time, please.” 

\--- 

Chaewon stepped inside, and the second her eyes saw Hyejoo on the bed, IV drip on her arm, she felt compelled to run to her and from her at the same time. Their eyes met for a second before Hyejoo looked away, and Chaewon knew better than to expect more than that. 

She approached, expecting Hyejoo to snap at her at any second. But Hyejoo only looked at her again, the corner of her lips somehow curling up. 

“I still prefer this over broken bones.” 

Water fogged Chaewon’s eyes. 

“Aren’t you going to scold me?” Hyejoo asked. 

“I can’t believe it,” Chaewon barely whispered, falling on her knees beside the bed and burying her face on the sheets. “How could you have done this to yourself?” 

“That’s good, go on.” 

“What did you think you were going to achieve?” 

“I don’t know, I deserved it, I guess.” 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon smacked her arm. “It doesn’t matter what you did, no one deserved something like this!” 

“I mean, I’d already done enough shit, so what better way is there to deal with shit than doing more shit?” Hyejoo chuckled. 

“Do you think it’s funny that you almost died?” 

“I couldn’t live with myself.” Hyejoo dropped her gaze. “When I stopped to really think about everything, I...” She stopped, her lower lip quivering, but she sniffed, gulped, and went on. “It’s exactly like before, but I screwed up, even more this time. I’m sorry Chaewon, you were right. I know you already gave me a second chance when I didn’t deserve it, and I don’t even deserve you, but...” 

Chaewon gulped, waiting for Hyejoo to finish her sentence. When nothing came, she forced her legs to stand up, searching for the right words to say. There was no easy way to say it, no way that wouldn’t hurt any of them. 

“I’m glad you thought about everything. I also did, and... I think we should end things here.” 

“Chaewon-” 

“I’m still really hurt. Yes, I gave you a second chance, I thought you had changed and I could trust you, but not anymore. I know you love me, but love itself doesn’t sustain a relationship. There has to be effort from both parts.” 

Hyejoo remained silent, the tears forming in the corner of her eyes visible. 

“You’re not in a position in which you want to be helped. And by trying to help and being in your life I caused a fight that made everything even worse. We’re not doing each other good, Hyejoo.” 

She knew there was no easy way to do this, but why did it have to hurt so much so see Hyejoo sobbing? 

“I know you’re upset, but you have to understand,” Chaewon pleaded, balling her fists. 

Hyejoo shook her head, with a loud, ugly sob, and Chaewon had to look away. 

“You said things would be easier if we went through it together and relied on each other!” Hyejoo cried, her voice becoming louder. 

“Together, Hyejoo. Not me alone trying to fix you.” 

“I know, and I was wrong, so please-” 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon fought back the tears, but she couldn’t do it for much longer. “I'm not ready to fit the role of your girlfriend anymore. I need to maintain my scholarship and you need to focus on your health. We clearly can’t do both at the same time.” 

“I love you, Chaewon.” Hyejoo tried to reach for her hand, but Chaewon took another step back. She couldn’t afford to break now. 

“Please, stay well and get better. I will always keep you in my prayers.” 

“I’m sorry.” Hyejoo’s voice sounded so weak. 

They stared at each other’s eyes, until Chaewon turned, at last, reaching for the doorknob. 

“I’ll be better!” She still heard Hyejoo say, but she didn’t look back. 

Her friends jolted up from the bench the second Chaewon left the room. 

“How’s she?” 

“Are you okay?” 

Chaewon faced them. Jungeun had been crying, judging by her red eyes, and Jinsol and Choerry had joined them. She had never seen Jinsol’s face so pale before, and Choerry stood close to her, holding her hand and caressing her back. 

“Take care of her, please.” 

Before they could bombard her with more questions, Chaewon turned and walked away. 

“C-Chaewon-” 

“Leave her, she needs to be alone,” Sooyoung said. 

\--- 

Chaewon dropped her head back until it hit the couch and closed her eyes. 

Her roommates weren’t back from the hospital yet. Were they keeping Hyejoo company and cheering her up? How was Hyejoo feeling? Chaewon knew she did what was best for the both of them, but she felt horrible. 

Lonely. 

It had been only a couple hours, but the emptiness on her chest was unbearable. Maybe she was already feeling lonely before but didn’t notice because there was always Hyejoo. Without her, it felt like there was nobody else. She hadn’t been spending any time with her friends, she was barely there for them. Sooyoung had to hit rock bottom for her to realize something was going on. 

Maybe that was what she needed. More time with her friends. Or she should just focus on school, finish her exchange and go back to Korea. Back to her parents’ house, back to Vivi unnie and her old friends from high school, and forget her time at Harvard ever happened. 

Chaewon scoffed. How silly of her to think that would be possible, when those months had turned her life upside down. 

She didn’t remember ever feeling like that. Because she had never been through a break-up, of course. But it had to be done. Hyejoo hurt her too much and they weren’t compatible. 

But Chaewon still loved her and missed her. 

She hid her face in her hands and groaned in frustration. Before she could start crying again, she stood up and hit her cheeks a couple of times. She went to Harvard with one goal. And she was going to focus on it, no matter how hard it was. She’d worked so hard to get this opportunity, and her parents were working their hardest back at home. Making them proud and making the most out of the time she had left in the US was the best she could hope for at this point. 

But when the front door opened and her roommates stepped inside, none of that seemed to matter anymore. 

“How is she? Is she feeling better?” Chaewon ran to them, tears threatening to escape again. And the second Sooyoung and Jiwoo engulfed her in a hug, Chaewon broke down again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](https://imgur.com/OBSOmKx)


	27. Getting better

Chaewon stretched her arms before standing up, preparing to leave the classroom. 

“I’m starving, let’s go grab something to eat before we head to the library.” Hyunjin patted Chaewon’s shoulder. 

“Chaewon.” Professor Minatozaki’s voice made her stop. 

“I’ll go ahead and grab your favorite sandwich.” Hyunjin winked at her and walked outside. “But hurry up, or I might end up eating yours too.” 

“Y-Yes, professor?” Her heart thumped harder. Chaewon was giving her best to fix things. Was it still not enough? 

“Don’t look so scared.” The professor laughed, making her cheeks rise in her face, and Chaewon breathed. “I have to congratulate you. Even after everything you went through, you got back on track and you’re doing an amazing job.” 

“Oh, thank you, professor.” Chaewon smiled, her cheeks getting warmer. 

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you for a bit. Is that okay?” 

Chaewon nodded and sat after professor Minatozaki did the same. 

“When I was your age, younger even, I was in a relationship as well. It was a great relationship in the beginning, we were in love, we went along well, but I never realized how toxic it was until I met Tzuyu,” she explained, and Chaewon only listened and nodded. “She didn’t make an effort to change, she also didn’t want to be helped until a certain point, so I had to end our relationship. Fortunately, after we broke up, she realized how much she needed to change and so she did, and we’re still friends to this day.” 

“I’m glad she found peace and that you did as well, professor.” 

“Yes, me too.” Professor Minatozaki leaned back on her chair. “I’m talking about this because you look a lot better, but still the slightest bit uneasy. You probably still harbor resentment for Hyejoo, and maybe yourself, right?” 

Chaewon nodded. 

“You don’t have to feel this way forever, Chaewon. I guarantee it will keep getting better. And I'm sure there’s still hope for her to change so both of you can find closure and peace with what happened.” 

She had no idea what to answer. 

“I just wanted you to think about that. Oh, and also, I know exams are coming up soon, but take the rest of the day for yourself. Go watch a movie, hang out with friends, anything. You deserve some rest. I feel like I keep repeating myself, telling you to rest all the time, but you just won’t listen at first.” The professor chuckled. 

“I-I’m going to study with Hyunjin now.” 

“Okay, then after you’re done, you’ll take the rest of the day. And that’s a request from your professor.” 

Chaewon couldn’t help but smile along with her. “Alright. Thank you, professor.” 

“Now go, I don’t want Hyunjin to follow up on her promise to eat your sandwich. And have a great weekend.” 

“You too.” Chaewon stood up and bowed, then turned and left, still trying to make sense out of what the professor meant with that. 

\--- 

The sun was already about to set when they walked down the library stairs. 

“I’m gonna have dinner with Heejin.” Hyunjin could barely contain her grin. “I wanted to take her somewhere new, do you have any recommendations?” 

“Do you know that ramen place outside the south entrance?” 

“Hm? I don’t think so.” 

“It’s great, you should go there.” Chaewon matched Hyunjin’s smile, but it faded just as fast when she remembered the first time she went there. 

“You okay?” 

“Yes. It’s just that me and Hyejoo went there the first time we went out for lunch together.” 

Hyunjin pouted. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay. You should take Heejin there, and make sure to try the dumplings as well, they’re amazing.” 

“Alright, will do. Thank you, Chaewonie!” Hyunjin planted a quick kiss on her cheek and skipped down the stairs. 

“Have fun!” Chaewon said, chuckling when Hyunjin shot her a thumbs up with the cheekiest grin. 

Her heart warmed up. She felt like crying all of a sudden, thinking about how happy Hyunjin seemed whenever the name Heejin was mentioned. Chaewon hoped their relationship could always be a happy and healthy one. 

Speaking of food, that sandwich she’d had as an excuse for lunch hadn’t been nearly enough to fuel such an intense study session. Should she call Sooyoung and see what were they up to? But as she turned the corner, there was no need anymore. Sooyoung, Jiwoo, and Jungeun sat together, a beer in Jungeun’s hand, and smiles on their faces. Chaewon didn't dare to interrupt that precious moment, so instead, she turned on her tracks, thinking about what she should treat herself for dinner. 

\--- 

The front door opened, stealing Chaewon’s attention from the laptop on her lap. 

“Hey, Chaewonie!” Sooyoung smiled at her, stepping inside alone. 

“Hey. Came alone?” 

“Yes, Jiwoo’s spending the night with Jungeun.” Sooyoung plopped down on the couch beside her, resting her feet on the table. 

Chaewon closed her laptop and set it aside, then turned to Sooyoung. “You seem very happy.” 

Sooyoung faced her, a big grin plastered on her lips. “I am.” 

“I saw you three earlier. Are things better now?” 

Sooyoung bit on her lower lip, suppressing a grin, at which she failed miserably. She squealed and dropped to Chaewon’s side, laying her head on her lap. 

“Things are perfect. Jungeun thought a lot about things, realized how she was acting around me and apologized. I think Hyejoo’s incident made her think things through.” 

Chaewon stared down at her, and when Sooyoung met her eyes, her smile changed to a frown. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-” 

“No, it’s okay. I’m really happy you guys are fine, you deserve all the happiness in the world, you three.” Chaewon caressed her hair. 

“Thank you, Chaewonie. I just want things to stay like this.” 

“And they will. As long as everyone always talk things out, no matter how hard it can be, I know you’ll always share a great relationship you can cherish.” 

Chaewon felt her eyes grow warmer. She looked away and blinked as Sooyoung sat again and rest a hand on top of hers. 

“How are you? Like, for real.” 

“I’m...” Chaewon dropped her gaze, fixating it on Sooyoung’s hand on hers. She met her eyes again and squeezed her hand. “I’m fine, getting better with each day. I still get sad sometimes, but I try not to think about it too much. How is she? Have you been talking to her?” 

“Sometimes, when she’s with Jungeun and Jinsol and Choerry. I think she’s feeling better as well. You don’t talk to her at all?” 

“I don’t ignore her, but... I don’t talk much either. I really want to focus on school, I’m afraid if I talk to her and she tells me she’s feeling better, I’ll...” 

She’ll throw all her efforts away because she wouldn’t think twice about coming back. 

“It’s okay, I understand. But hey, I didn’t want to bring the mood down. It’s just the two of us tonight. I know exams are coming up but, how about we watch movies and drink beer? That one you like.” Sooyoung wiggled her eyebrows. 

Chaewon chuckled. “I would love that.” 

Sooyoung jumped from the couch and walked to the fridge, coming back with two beers and a huge ear to ear grin. “Hey, look at this!” She sat beside Chaewon and turned her phone to her, showing a pic of Jiwoo and Jungeun, with big smiles and making a heart together. “Aren’t they so cute?” 

“Awn, yes, they are. Did they just send it to you?” 

“Yes! Come here, let’s take one to show them we’re having fun too!” 

Sooyoung approached Chaewon as she turned on the frontal camera and applied a cute heart filter. Chaewon couldn’t help but shoot a bright smile with how funny they looked, Sooyoung raising her beer and sticking out her tongue. 

“They told us to have fun,” Sooyoung said, as she typed something on her phone. “I love them so much.” 

Chaewon tried not to laugh, but Sooyoung looked so adorable. “Thank you for always being here and making me laugh.” 

“Thank you as well, Chaewonie. For always helping me and giving me strength. And I love you as well.” Sooyoung winked at her. 

Chaewon smiled and rested her head on her shoulder. “I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's hard to believe, but... there's only three chapters left. Chuulipves had their happy ending, but.... how will things turn out for Hyejoo and Gowon? kekeke look forward to the next chapter, to be released on Christmas day! ^-^ 


	28. Flight

Chaewon closed her suitcase and stared at it. 

The suitcase that started it all. 

She took a last look around her room, smiling softly. For sure she would remember it for a long time. It was there that she spent so many hours studying so hard, but it paid off. She aced all her final exams and could go back home with her chest filled with pride. 

Chaewon pushed her suitcase to the living room, where her roommates stood up from the couch the second she approached. 

“Is it time already?” Sooyoung pouted. 

“Yeah.” Chaewon tried not to sound sad, but she felt like crying already. 

“H-Hey, there’s no need to be sad. We’ll meet back in Korea!” Jiwoo said, shooting her brightest smile. 

“But I’ll still miss you.” Chaewon took a step closer and pulled them both into a hug. 

“Awn, Chaewonie.” Sooyoung patted her head. “We’ll fly next week with Jungeun. I don’t know about the others, though. But we’ll tell you as soon as we arrive, then we just need to meet up!” 

“Okay, you’re right.” Chaewon chuckled, wiping her eyes. “And it’s not like we can’t talk whenever we want. I live really close to Seoul, I can visit you easily. It’s just that I will miss this little space of ours and our memories in Boston.” 

Her roommates pulled her in a tight hug, and she inevitably let a few tears escape. 

“We’ll miss it too. But we also miss Korea and I’m sure you do too. It’s time to go back home.” 

“Exactly.” Jiwoo pinched her cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want us to go to the airport with you?” 

“Yes, it’s fine. I already called an Uber and I’ll be there in an instant.” 

“Alright. Have a safe flight.” Sooyoung pulled her in for another hug, then Jiwoo did the same. 

“Thank you, guys, for everything. I’m glad I got to spend my time here with you as my roommates.” 

“Us too. It was a long ass ride, but it was a fun one. Remember the first day?” Jiwoo laughed. 

“I can never forget.” Chaewon laughed along with Sooyoung, and her phone rang. “I need to go, the Uber is almost here. I’ll tell you guys before I depart and as soon as I arrive, okay?” 

They nodded and accompanied her to the door. 

“W-Wait, Chaewon.” Jiwoo grabbed her wrist. “Did you tell Hyejoo you are going today?” 

Chaewon avoided their eyes. “No.” 

There was silence until Chaewon’s phone rang again. “The Uber is here. I’m fine, really.” Chaewon gave them a smile and a last group hug. 

\--- 

Check-in was taken care of. Chaewon was glad she called the Uber early, because traffic was worse than she imagined, and now she didn’t have that much time to go through security and all that bureaucracy. 

“Gowon!” 

She froze. 

“Park Chaewon!” 

She turned, and no, she was not hearing or seeing things. 

“Fucking shit, I don’t remember the last time I ran so fast,” Hyejoo said, supporting herself on her knees. 

“H-Hyejoo, what are you doing here?” 

“I don’t have a clue, but I had to come.” 

Chaewon frowned. 

“Gowon, listen to me.” Hyejoo took a long, deep breath, and recomposed herself, looking her straight in the eyes. “I know you said it was over, but-” 

“Hyejoo...” 

“You were right, love itself doesn’t sustain a relationship, and I didn’t want to be helped. But that changed, that same day you told me that. I quit everything. Well, not smoking yet, but I’m getting there. I quit the weed and pills for good, and I’m in therapy. I focused on my health, just like you told me to do. I don’t give a crap about classes anymore because I’m gonna quit as well. I’m tired of being scared of my father and doing whatever the fucker wants me to do. I’m gonna fight back and do what I want, and I started by taking care of myself, so I could come back and show you the new Hyejoo.” She did a cool pose and pointed to herself with a smirk on her lips. “This Hyejoo right here.” 

Chaewon eyed her from head to toe. How she looked much brighter than she had looked in their happiest times. How her face had gained color and the dark circles she had worn permanently were barely even noticeable anymore. How she no longer looked like the troubled girl who acted confident in her own defense, and now radiated a charming pride in herself. 

She couldn’t bring her mouth to close or her feet to move. 

“I’m sorry for everything,” Hyejoo mumbled. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I can assure you I’m changing. Losing you, treating myself so bad to the point I could actually have died really opened my eyes. I’m becoming a better Hyejoo, the one you can finally trust again. So...” Hyejoo reluctantly approached her and cupped her cheeks with so much care it felt like she was holding a porcelain doll. “I’m not asking you to take me back yet, because I know I messed up real bad, so, for now, I’m just asking for you to forgive me. If you can do that, I’ll leave here with my mission accomplished.” 

“I-I...” Chaewon stuttered, “I forgive you, yes. Of course.” 

Hyejoo’s face molded into that smile she missed oh-so-much, and she had to find a way to avoid her eyes or she would do something reckless-- 

“Shit, my flight.” 

“Park Chaewon cursing, again?” 

“It’s your fault. Since I did it for the first time, it felt so liberating that now it slips sometimes!” 

“It’s kinda cute.” Hyejoo snickered, then approached her ear. “And hot.” 

“Son Hyejoo!” 

Chaewon slapped her arm time and time again, knowing her face was already burning red. Hyejoo grabbed her by the waist, lifted her petite body and spun her around, laughing like a little kid. 

“Hyejoo, put me down!” Chaewon shrieked, but couldn’t stop laughing along. 

“Fuck, I missed this so much.” Hyejoo complied, but didn’t let go of her yet. “I missed you so much, Gowon.” 

“I missed you too, Hyejoo, but I need to go, I can’t miss my flight.” 

“You’re right. I’m going back soon as well, and I’m gonna confront my father. I have no idea what I’m gonna do, I stopped answering him at all and he now sends me multiple texts every day, but I’m fighting through it. Text me when you arrive, and I’ll figure something out until I go back.” 

“You don’t have to figure something out by yourself.” Chaewon smiled. “I’ll be here for you.” 

Hyejoo beamed. “Thanks. I’m really happy I can count on you again.” 

“Me too.” Chaewon rubbed her shoulder. “Now, I really have to get in line for security or I might miss my flight.” 

“I know, I know, but there’s something else I have to say.” 

“What is it?” 

Hyejoo took a deep breath. “I love you. You don’t have to say it back or anything, I guess I just wanted you to hear it from me again because I still---” 

“I love you too.” 

So much for trying to play it cool. The words escaped her mouth smoothly, as if it was the easiest, most natural thing to say. But it was alright. She would have regretted more not having said it back. 

“Don’t miss your flight.” Hyejoo gave a gentle squeeze on her hand. 

Chaewon gave her one more smile before turning and rushing to the security. 

“Gowon!” Hyejoo called, making her turn again. She was rushing behind her. “I almost chickened out on this but I need you to forgive me for something else.” 

She blinked. “What?” 

Hyejoo grabbed her head and closed the distance between their lips. As passionately as the first time, with the urgency of a kiss that might be the last. Chaewon didn’t resist. As naturally as could be, she melted into the moment, seizing Hyejoo’s waist almost as if she was about to refuse to leave her at the airport and separate from her now that they had reunited and aligned as one. 

The voice on the speaker announcing that her flight had begun boarding snapped her back to the dreaded reality. 

“Oh no, and I haven’t even passed security yet, and I need to get to the gate and--” Chaewon started running to the security line, which thankfully wasn’t that long. “I’ll text you when I arrive!” 

Hyejoo held a chuckle and nodded. 

“Have a nice flight, Gowon!” Hyejoo shouted as she waved goodbye. 

Chaewon stole one last glance at Hyejoo before it was her turn to be searched. She looked so different, and yet she was aware she was about to put her heart on the line once more by giving back her trust. 

But Hyejoo was worth the chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like my Christmas gift? hehehe I hope everyone had a happy Christmas, if you celebrated, and enjoyed this chapter! They're finally back ^-^


	29. No matter what happens

Chaewon’s hand trembled as she reached for the bell. 

It had been over a week since she was back in Korea, and her friends were finally back. 

The door opened with Jungeun peeking outside. “Chaewon!” She beamed, reaching for her wrist to pull her inside, guiding her to the living room. 

Jiwoo and Sooyoung jumped from the couch and rushed to her, engulfing her in a tight hug. 

Jungeun chuckled. “It’s as if you guys haven’t seen each other in a year.” 

“Shut up and join us.” Jiwoo pulled her in as well, and Chaewon giggled in the middle of the three bodies hugging her. 

Someone cleared their throat. “Can I have a moment as well?” 

“You can join us if you want but we’re not letting go of her that soon,” Sooyoung mumbled. 

“How about we go make some coffee?” Jungeun said, pulling away. 

“Hey, we weren’t done with the hugs.” Jiwoo protested as Jungeun dragged her along with Sooyoung to the kitchen. 

Silence fell in the room, save from the faint giggles and whispers coming from them somewhere in the house. Hyejoo stood, eyes fixed on her. Chaewon eyed her from head to toe, to the same Hyejoo that went after her in the airport, and took a step closer. 

“Hey,” Hyejoo muttered, a smile appearing on her lips. 

Chaewon took another step, bigger this time, enough for her body to meet Hyejoo’s. She squeezed her body, nuzzling in the crook of her neck, as Hyejoo caressed her hair. 

“I missed you,” Chaewon whispered near her ear. 

“Me too, Gowon.” 

Hyejoo rested her hands on Chaewon’s neck and brought their lips together into a tender kiss. 

“How are you?” Chaewon asked, taking a closer look at her face. 

“Happy that you’re here.” 

“I am too, Hyejoo.” Chaewon savored the moment for a few seconds before bringing herself to talk about it. “So, how much longer will you be... staying here?” 

Hyejoo sighed and sat on the couch, Chaewon following and sitting next to her. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to bring this up so soon, but I’m worried.” 

“It’s okay, we need to figure this out sooner or later. I haven’t gone home yet, and I’m pretty sure my father doesn’t know I’m back. I had Jungeun buy my plane ticket and paid her back in cash so he couldn’t go fuss the credit card extracts. She also guaranteed I could stay here for as long as possible.” 

“I’m so glad.” 

And speaking about them, they were back, Jungeun holding a tray with coffee, cakes, and... 

“Beer?” Chaewon frowned. 

“Yeah, I needed one really bad. Thanks.” Hyejoo opened the can and took a large sip, while the others made themselves comfortable. 

“So,” Hyejoo started, taking a deep breath. “What the fuck do I do now?” 

They shared looks in silence. 

“Well, first, you know what will happen when you go back home because your father made it crystal clear,” Sooyoung said. “You’ll be in danger if you go back.” 

“I know, that’s the problem, but what else am I supposed to do? I want to get a job and live on my own, but how am I gonna do that so soon?” 

“Sorry for bringing this up, but... what about your mom?” Jiwoo bit on her lip. “Is that an option?” 

Chaewon scanned Hyejoo. 

“No.” Hyejoo took another sip of her beer. “Not about to put her in danger too. He will find out if I’m living with her, alright.” 

“So, basically, your father is the problem with everything we come up with. Either we find a way to take care of it, or you’ll be hiding from him the rest of your life,” Jungeun said. 

Hyejoo sighed. “I’m so lost. Everything leads to a dead end.” 

“Well, I could talk to my father and...” Chaewon intervened. 

“No, no, no.” Hyejoo stopped her. “No way you’re going to ask your parents for me to move in, Chaewon. That’s more than insane.” 

“Oh.” Chaewon giggled. “That’s not at all what I meant. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but...” 

\--- 

Chaewon tapped her feet on the car floor, trying to keep her breathing stabilized. 

“It’s here,” Hyejoo said. “Stop behind that tree, officer Park.” 

As the car slowed down, Chaewon widened her eyes at the mansion she could see outside the window and through the tree branches. 

“Okay, quick recap,” officer Park said, turning back to face them. “I’ll go first, and I’ll stay hidden by that open window over there. You have nothing to worry about, Hyejoo. I’ll be right there ready to intervene as soon as I hear something that I can arrest him for.” 

“You?” Chaewon frowned. “I’m going too, dad.” 

“You’ll stay in the car.” 

Chaewon was ready to argue back when Hyejoo rested a hand on her shoulder. “It’s best if you do.” 

Chaewon sighed and looked away. “But maybe I can help...” 

“You might get hurt in the process, Chaewon. It’s best if you’re not involved.” Her father gave her a reassuring nod and she looked down. “Alright, Hyejoo, I’ll be going. On my signal, you can go.” 

“Thank you so much once again, officer Park.” Hyejoo bowed her head. 

Chaewon’s father nodded and left the car, rushing and squatting as he got near the walls. When he reached his spot, he looked back at the direction of the car and gave his signal. 

“Please stay here, Gowon. I’ll be fine, your dad has my back.” Hyejoo squeezed her hands. “It feels kinda badass that the cops have my back, don’t you think?” 

Chaewon swatted her arm. “What an appropriate time to joke around, Hyejoo. Please, take care.” 

“I will. See you soon.” Hyejoo smiled at Chaewon before stepping outside the car. She observed as Hyejoo walked past the main gate and towards the front door. 

Her heart hammered her chest too hard for Chaewon to bear with it from that distance. It was not like she didn’t trust her father or Hyejoo, but she couldn’t stay and watch, and she was naïve if she thought she could. 

The second Hyejoo stepped inside the house, Chaewon opened the door and sprinted to her father’s side. 

“What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the car!” He whispered-yelled at her. 

Chaewon raised her hand in front of him. She could hear something inside. Her father nodded and approached the window even more. 

She expected voices, not the sharp sound of a slap as the first thing. Chaewon recoiled and gripped on her father’s arm, shutting down her eyes. 

“You think you can just walk into this house after all the shit you did this semester?” A deafening, deep yell came from the inside. “You’re going to get your sorry ass back in a plane and work your ass off even if I have to drag you all the way there.” 

“I’m dropping out,” Hyejoo’s quivering voice answered. 

“Who do you think you are to disgrace our family name like that?” Her father spat, so much anger in his voice. “Do you know what everyone’s been saying about my sorry excuse for a daughter? Huh? Of the failure that she is?” 

“I don’t give a shit about that, I’m not going to keep being your puppet and do whatever you want me to-” 

Another slap, and Chaewon’s heart clenched so hard she couldn’t breathe. She looked at her father, pleading with her eyes for him to stop it already, but he shook his head. 

“You are going to do whatever I say and what I want you to do. You’re my daughter, you have to, do you understand? Or else-” 

“Or else what?” Hyejoo shouted. 

Hyejoo’s father let out a low grunt. There was a loud thud, followed by a yelp, then another thud, even louder this time. 

Chaewon didn’t need to ask anything else. Her father jumped through the window and she stood up, the sight tearing her apart. 

“Let go of her, now! Hands in the air!” Officer Park had his gun raised. 

Hyejoo’s father turned his head, his eyes focusing on the gun, and let go of Hyejoo’s collar. Her body slid to the ground, her back resting against the wall. 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon cried, not knowing how she jumped the window, and ran to her side. Her cheek was bruised and a cut leaked blood from her lip, but all Hyejoo could think about was the hatred that showed in her eyes. 

“What is the meaning of this?” 

“You’re under arrest for assault.” Officer Park took a step closer to him. 

Hyejoo’s father scoffed. “For slapping my daughter? What are the cops even doing here? You can’t just break into my house like that, I know my laws.” 

“I can and have to interfere if I happen to witness a crime. Especially when you’re a suspect in this many ongoing investigations.” 

“This is absurd-” 

“Hands in the air, I said!” 

“You don't know who you’re messing with. I can and _will_ take you down.” 

“Let’s see what you have to say from behind bars.” 

He laughed, but all the color seemed to have drained from his face, and before he could even try to run, officer Park threw himself at him, pinning him face down. 

“Who’s that, Hyejoo?” He asked, giving up on fighting back and letting officer Park handcuff him. “Is that the whore you’ve been fucking and spending my money on?” 

Hyejoo jerked from her spot with an enraged growl, her fist in the air, ready to sink it on his face. 

“Hey, hey, stop!” Chaewon’s father stood up, hands in front of him. He shared a look with Chaewon, who was frozen in place. “Dad’s got him. Don’t do anything stupid.” 

“Dad?” Hyejoo’s father laughed, so evil it brought tears to Chaewon’s eyes. “Ah, so you had your plaything ask daddy for help? Pathetic.” He turned to officer Park. “At least we have something in common, having our daughters do something as disgusting as-” 

“That’s enough.” Officer Park pulled him up, grasping on his arm. “I’ll take him to the precinct.” 

Chaewon’s father dragged him outside, sparing them another look. 

The silence dragged for a few seconds, but each seemed like an eternity of punishment. 

“G-Gowon?” She heard Hyejoo ask. She could see through the tears her body approaching, squatting next to her. She could feel her warm hands on her cheeks. “I’m so, so, so sorry. I wanna kill him so bad...” Hyejoo sobbed. 

“It’s fine.” Chaewon sniffed and cleared her eyes. “He’ll pay, Hyejoo.” 

“But he can’t take back what he just said!” Hyejoo punched the floor. 

“Hyejoo!” Chaewon cried, pulling her in. She squeezed her body so hard her muscles failed her. “Forget about it, it doesn’t matter. My parents would know eventually.” 

“Not l-like this!” Hyejoo squeezed her back, her voice failing her as she sobbed again. “This is all my fault, this was a bad idea, we should neve-” 

“No, my father got him, that is all that matter. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Chaewon pulled again. “I should take care of your wounds.” 

“I’m fine.” Hyejoo wiped her eyes, then her lip with the back of her hand. “We should go as well. We’re gonna have to testify.” 

Chaewon nodded, and before Hyejoo could stand up, she held on her face, careful not to touch her bruises. “No matter what happens, I will not leave you.” 

More tears clouded Hyejoo’s eyes. 

Chaewon placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Now let’s go, I want to talk to my dad.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't believe this story is almost ending. We're finally seeing justice being made and I think it's so satisfying ahahaha even though he still have to do more shit right in the end
> 
> If I followed the normal release schedule, the last chapter would be on the last day of the year, but I'll be out, so THE LAST CHAPTER WILL BE OUT IN TWO DAYS, ON DECEMBER 30!!! IT FEELS SURREAL.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading so far, and I deeply hope you enjoy the last chapter ♥️


	30. Father

Hyejoo parked her car near the precinct. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Hyejoo grabbed her hands. 

“No, I need to face him alone.” 

Chaewon took long, deep breaths, telling herself to stay calm with each one. 

“Gowon,” Hyejoo called, her voice so caring it soothed her heart. “Everything’s gonna be fine. And remember, you never did anything wrong. I’ll always be here.” 

“I know.” Chaewon leaned closer and rested her forehead on hers, closing her eyes and allowing herself to savor the moment, trying her hardest to keep those words in mind. She brought their lips together in a tender kiss before pulling her into the tightest hug she could at that moment. “Thank you, Hyejoo.” 

With a smile, Chaewon opened the door and got out of the car. 

“I love you,” Hyejoo said. “You’ll be fine.” 

“I will. I love you too.” 

Chaewon closed the door and walked towards what awaited her, fighting through how weak her legs felt. She clenched her fists, forced herself not to run away, and stepped inside the precinct. Her father stood, talking to another policeman. 

“Dad.” 

He turned, and she couldn’t read his face at all. Was he mad? Sad? Disappointed? He walked towards her. “He’s locked up, waiting to be questioned,” he said, turning to go back already, but Chaewon held his arm. 

“W-Wait. Can we talk?” 

Her father looked back. “I’m busy-” 

“Please.” 

He looked away from her pleading, almost tearing eyes and sighed. “Alright.” 

“Let’s go outside.” 

Chaewon bought two cold drinks from the vending machine and sat beside him, offering him one. He accepted it with a mumbled thanks. 

“Thank you again, dad, for helping us and bring that man in.” 

“It’s my job, after all. We’ll search his house to see if we can find more evidence of the crimes he has been committing. I’m positive justice will be made.” 

She nodded, thanking Him again and again. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Officer Park asked. 

Chaewon took a deep breath. “About what Hyejoo’s father said.” 

“It is true, isn’t it? I've been trying to avoid thinking of that.” 

“Yes.” 

Each passing second of silence hurt more than the previous one. Chaewon mustered up the courage to look at her side, at her father that kept his stare at the unopened can between his hands. 

“It doesn’t matter who I love, I’m still the same Chaewon. I’m still your daughter, I still love and worship Him the same. I’m not asking you to accept it, just...” Tears clouded her eyes, but she blinked fast and wiped them away even faster. “Please keep seeing me as your daughter.” 

He remained silent for a bit longer, fidgeting with the can. “I can’t accept it.” 

Chaewon knew it would be like this, but why did it still hurt so much? 

“I can’t say I understand, because I don’t,” he continued. “But I cannot desert you, Chaewon. Abandoning my daughter would be a much bigger sin. And neither God nor myself could forgive me for that.” 

She broke in tears, hiding her face in her hands. 

“It was not easy for me, dad.” She cleaned her eyes. “It was a long way to accept it myself because it’s true that it defies what I believed my whole life, but I’m here now. I know He still accepts me for who I am, no matter if I love a man or a woman.” 

“I am sure He will guide you towards the light once again, my daughter. We are all sinners after all, but one day I have faith that you will be back on track. God will not abandon you, and neither will I.” 

“Dad, it’s not--” Chaewon sighed. His answer was already so much better than she had hoped for, and she wasn’t about to argue with him and risk leaving things even worse off. Some other time. “Thank you for still accepting me as your daughter.” 

He nodded and patter her shoulder. “Were you planning on telling us?” 

“Yes, eventually. I would have rather told you personally than have it be like... Like this.” 

“You have to tell your mother.” 

“I know.” 

Chaewon lost herself in her thoughts for a few moments, dreading the moment they’d have to tell her mom. 

“I should go back inside and see if there’s any progress.” Officer Park stood up. 

“Thank you, dad.” 

He halted and looked back, giving her a nod before going back inside. 

Chaewon leaned back on the bench and looked up at the sunny sky. She thanked again, fighting back more tears. 

Looking back at the start, she knew how hard it was for herself. She couldn’t know how her father was really feeling, but one thing she learned was that people can change, people can learn to accept what they didn’t know. She only hoped her parents were no different. 

But it didn't matter how long that could take, or how hard the path would be from that moment on, she would always have Hyejoo. 

Chaewon would always have her own kind of heaven. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. Wow, for some reason it doesn't feel real yet. It's been more than two years since I had the idea for this story and more than a year since I actually started working on it, and now, today, the last chapter is up. 
> 
> I want to thank my girlfriend editor for the patience during all this time, for all the help with coming up with ideas, whenever I got stuck (it was... lots of times ahahaha), and for always supporting me and believing in me and that I could finish this story and be proud of it (I really am!) 
> 
> I also want to thank my best friend for being my biggest inspiration for Hyejoo's character, from things about her personality or story, to simple yet funny things like the brand and name of her car, and the fact that she roots for the Patriots and loves Legos ahahaha
> 
> And finally, of course, thank you everyone who read this story, who commented, who gave me feedback and opinions, and I hope you enjoyed the story and how it ended ♥️ 
> 
> Also, my next story is almost done! It still needs edits, but I don't think it will take long to upload it hehe (I still need to come up with a title, though... lmao) And all I can say about it is... IT'S ANOTHER 2JIN STORY!!!
> 
> Okay sorry for the long a/n, THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE ♥️


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